


100 Ways

by Kicon



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Awkward Romance, Bisexual Barry Allen, Bisexual Eddie Thawne, Coming Out, Drama & Romance, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Prompt Fic, Romance, Romantic Fluff, Slice of Life, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Slow Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-22
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2020-10-26 04:35:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 100
Words: 57,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20736323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kicon/pseuds/Kicon
Summary: "What happened with Iris?" Barry asked slowly, stepping out of the doorway onto the mat so they were on the same level.Eddie took a rattling breath and closed his eyes. "She broke up with me." There was a weighty pause, and then Eddie looked up at him. "It's over."---There are 100 ways to say “I love you,” and when a grief-stricken Eddie shows up at Barry's door and says Iris broke up with him, they start to discover all of them.





	1. Pull over. Let me drive for a while.

Barry couldn't quite believe he was sitting in the passenger seat of Eddie's car, barreling down the highway at 80mph at midnight, but here he was. This wasn't the fastest he'd ever gone, not by a longshot, but his hands gripped the seat nervously as he glanced over at Eddie's twisted face.

Just twenty minutes ago, Barry had been summoned to the door by a frantic and furious pounding on his front door. Heart racing, he'd expected—well, he didn't really know what he expected. A villain who'd discovered where he lived, an irate neighbor maybe.

Not Eddie Thawne with wide watery eyes.

"I—I didn't," Eddie gasped out, reaching up with both hands to grab and his blond spikes. "I don't—don't know. B-Barry, I...Iris."

Barry's blood froze. "Iris?" he said hurriedly. "What's wrong with Iris?"

Eddie shook his head, face marred with pain. "No, no, she—we—it's—"

Barry took a moment to reflect on what Iris had told him earlier that day. She'd had breakfast with him and Joe that morning, and he'd invited her to coffee that evening.

"Sorry, I'm meeting up with Eddie later today," she had said, which was normal, but her face was pinched.

"Something wrong?" Barry had asked.

Iris shrugged. "I'll call you later."

She hadn't. And now Eddie was at his doorstep, looking like a panicked wild animal.

"What happened with Iris?" Barry asked slowly, stepping out of the doorway onto the mat so they were on the same level.

Eddie took a rattling breath and closed his eyes. "She broke up with me." There was a weighty pause, and then Eddie looked up at him. "It's over."

Barry didn't have a chance to respond before Eddie shook his head and started backing away.

"I'm—I'm sorry, it was stupid of me to come here," Eddie stammered. "She's your best friend. I just...I didn't know where else. I—"

"Eddie," Barry said, walking forward, bare feet cold on the concrete, "it's okay. You're my friend too. I'm sorry, I didn't know this was happening."

Eddie nodded slowly. "Then we have that in common."

Something in Barry's heart broke a little at that. Sure, he'd always envied Eddie and Iris' relationship. He'd been in love with Iris for as long as he could remember, but over time he'd grown to accept their relationship. Eddie was a great guy, and it was hard to begrudge him or blame him.

"I should go."

Eddie started walking away again, and again Barry stopped him.

"I don't think you should be alone right now," Barry said.

"I'll be fine, Bar. I'm just gonna go for a drive," Eddie replied. His voice was tired.

"Then let me just sit with you."

Eddie looked at him for a long moment, and then bowed his head and conceded.

So that was how Barry had ended up here. They'd been driving along the dark highways for about an hour now, just going and going. The radio wasn't on, and they listened to the sound of the tires on the road and the hum of the car. Every now and then Eddie would let out a frustrated sigh or choke down a sob, and every time Barry would want to reach over and touch him, but he resisted.

Maybe he wasn't the best person for Eddie to be around right now. Barry probably just reminded him of Iris. But he maintained that Eddie shouldn't be alone right now.

Suddenly, Eddie let out a sharp cry and smacked the steering wheel, startling Barry.

"Hey," Barry said. "Pull over. Let me drive for a while."

Eddie shook his head.

"I won't head back to Central City, not unless you tell me to," he said. "We can drive until we run out of road."

Eddie cracked a grin at that, and Barry felt the car slow down just a bit. A few minutes later, they were on the side of the road and switching seats. As they crossed paths in front of the car, headlights illuminating their legs in the night, Eddie suddenly grabbed him and hugged him.

"Thank you, Barry," he mumbled, his face on Barry's shoulder and arms tight around his middle.

Barry smiled and settled his arms around Eddie's shoulders. "Of course."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to my first full-length Thallen fic! I was inspired to write this after seeing a "one hundred ways to say I love you" [post](https://kiconwrites.tumblr.com/post/187888490741/one-hundred-ways-to-say-i-love-you) on tumblr. Some of the chapters don't use the prompt word for word, but the gist is still there, which is what matters.
> 
> This fic begins in a canon divergent version of Season 1 where Eddie and Iris break up, Eddie doesn't yet know that Barry's the Flash, and Eobard never impersonates Wells. Just don't think too hard about it, cause I didn't when I was writing it haha!
> 
> The Thallen oneshots I've written can be found on my [tumblr](https://kiconwrites.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Happy reading!
> 
> ~Ki


	2. It reminded me of you.

It was about a week since their midnight drive to nowhere. Barry had driven back to Central City once Eddie had fallen asleep in the passenger seat, then took him back to his apartment and put him to bed. He was glad it had been around two in the morning, because then there wasn't anybody around to see him carry a grown man into his own apartment building.

Since then, there had been a strange dynamic between everyone.

Iris wasn't answering Barry's texts. Joe was awkwardly formal to Eddie, and wouldn't discuss either Iris or Eddie with Barry. And Eddie had barely looked at Barry since their drive. The only people acting normally in his life were Caitlin and Cisco, and only because they also had no idea what was going on with everyone.

Barry was frustrated. He'd done nothing wrong, yet he was getting the cold shoulder from the people he was closest to. When he ranted to Caitlin about it, she said that they were all just trying to figure out how to function now, but he didn't think that was a very good reason to shut him out.

He was sitting in Jitters on a break just mindlessly scrolling through Facebook when he stumbled upon a picture of a smiling golden retriever puppy. He thought inexplicably of Eddie, and then decided to text the picture to him. Communication was a two way street, wasn't it?

_reminded me of u_

Barry pocketed his phone and then started to gather his things to go back to work. His phone buzzed moments later.

_Hahaha! :)_

_Do you wanna get lunch tomorrow?_

Barry smiled, and thought that everything might turn out to be okay.


	3. No, no, it's my treat.

They made plans for the next day. Barry was strangely a little nervous as he pushed open the door to the café Eddie had suggested. He saw Eddie sitting at a small table next to the side wall, and he went over and joined him.

"Hey," he said.

Eddie looked up and smiled and—yep, exactly like the picture of the puppy. Barry held down a laugh.

"Thanks for this," Eddie said. "Sorry I've been avoiding you."

Barry shrugged. "It's fine," he replied, despite his previous annoyance.

"I just...wasn't sure how to talk to you," Eddie continued, "after you saw me like that."

"Eddie—"

"And I don't want to put you in an awkward place with Iris—"

"Eddie—"

"Or with Joe—"

"Eddie!"

He finally stopped talking and looked up in surprise. "What?"

"Iris hasn't talked to me all week," Barry said. "I don't know what's going on with her. Joe's been weird around me too, so I think she asked him not to say anything to me. And anyway, you're my friend too, Eddie. I wanna be here for you and everything."

Eddie gave him a small smile. "Thanks, Bar."

Barry smiled back. "No problem."

They ordered and ate and talked, and it was surprisingly easy. Sure, he'd _said_ he was Eddie's friend, but he hadn't ever really thought of himself that way before Eddie showed up at his doorstep. Not that they'd been enemies, but rather just friendly acquaintances.

But then again, Barry had never spent this much time alone with Eddie, and he was actually really enjoying himself. Eddie was funny, and his laugh lit up his face. And he was easy to get along with. Even though they'd never hung out before, there wasn't a single awkward moment. They got along like old friends. He could see why Iris had fallen—

He quickly abandoned that train of thought.

The waiter brought them their check, and as Barry reached for his wallet Eddie waved his hands.

"No, no, it's my treat," he said.

Barry paused, unsure. "Really, it's fine."

"I insist."

And Eddie flashed him one of those smiles, and Barry gave in, although his stomach twisted a little. Eddie had asked him to lunch, and now Eddie was paying, which made this sort of feel like a date. Was it meant to be a date? They were barely friends. Did Barry want it to be a date?

Again, he shut down that train of thought and just smiled at Eddie and allowed him to pay. He would just get Eddie back next time, and he pushed away his amazement that he was already thinking about a next time.

Eddie swung an arm over Barry's shoulders and grinned. "Back to the grind. TGIF, huh pal?"

_Pal_. Definitely not a date. Barry blushed hard and felt ashamed.


	4. Come here.  Let me fix it.

Barry zoomed into the alley behind the courthouse and quickly changed out of his Flash suit and into his court suit. He was supposed to present his evidence from the crime scene analysis at a hearing, but then some robbers had thought it would be a good idea to rob three jewelry stores at once. Barry had managed to grab them all, but now he was late.

He rushed into the courthouse, trying to tuck his shirt without spilling the papers from his folders as he hurried down the hall. Eddie and some other officers were mulling around in front of the court room doors.

"Whoa, Allen, hold up," Eddie said, catching Barry's shoulder.

"Late," Barry replied, feigning like he was panting from running down the hall when really his heartrate was practically resting. "No time."

"Yes time," Eddie countered. "Come here. Let me fix it."

He pulled Barry's shoulders to face him, then started straightening Barry's tie. He gave the jacket a pat, then reached up and brushed his fingers over Barry's hair.

"There," he said with a smile. "Now you can go in."

Barry thanked him and then turned and pushed open the doors and rushed into the court room. His heart was fluttering in a weird way, but that was probably just nerves from having to present in court and having to face Captain Singh later about his lateness.


	5. I'll walk you home.

Barry pressed the back of his hand to his mouth, trying to stifle his laughter. Beside him, Eddie was grinning widely at Barry's failed attempts. They'd spent their Saturday night eating pizza and watching a movie at Eddie's apartment, but the movie ended a few hours ago and Barry was still there. They were just talking, but they were talking about everything.

Barry tried to not think too much about the fact that him and Eddie had been hanging out regularly now for about a month. It turned out that Eddie was actually a really good friend to have. Barry couldn't believe that he'd tried to hate Eddie when he first met him. Now, he would consider Eddie as close a friend as Caitlin or Cisco.

Finally getting his laughter under control, Barry looked at his watch. "Oh, I should go."

"I'll walk you home," Eddie said, rising from the couch.

"It's not a problem," Barry replied, thinking to himself that he could be home in two seconds flat if he was by himself.

Eddie smiled. "I insist."

Barry crumbled. "Well, if you insist," he joked.

They got their coats and put their shoes on, and then they were out walking in the twilight. Eddie's place was a thirty-minute walk from Barry's, and Barry felt bad for the thirty minutes Eddie would have to spend walking back by himself, but he didn't want to pass up spending an extra half hour with him.

Conversation flowed easily between them, covering everything from work to the weather to favorite television shows. Barry couldn't remember the last time he'd had a friend he could chat with like this. Other than Iris, of course. There was always Iris. But she still hadn't been talking to him.

They slowed to a stop as they approached Barry's house. Iris' car sat in the driveway, and Eddie's expression was pained for a moment before he composed himself again.

"I'm sorry, Eddie," Barry said after a heavy moment.

"Has she said anything to you?" he asked quietly.

"No," Barry replied. "I tried asking her, but she just asked me not to bring it up again."

Eddie nodded, his eyes fixed on the car.

"What..." Barry stopped himself.

"Go on."

"What did she say when she..."

Eddie sighed and closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Not a lot. We met up for coffee and we went walking in the park. She just said something about how she didn't think we were connecting right lately, and how she wants something different for her life. Then she apologized and left."

"That's, uh—" Barry blew out a breath.

"Vague?" Eddie laughed humorlessly. "Yeah."

"I'm sorry, Eddie," he said again.

"It's not your fault."

They were silent again. Barry saw an upstairs light flick off, and he knew that Joe had gone to bed.

"Well, I'd better let you go," Eddie said eventually.

"Thanks for letting me hang out," Barry told him.

Eddie smiled, but it wasn't as bright as his usual ones. He nodded silently, then reached out and caught Barry's wrist. Barry's heart beat a little faster in his chest, wondering what was happening. Eddie gave his wrist a squeeze, then let go and walked away into the night.


	6. Have a good day at work.

"Wait, wait, what happened after that?" Barry asked.

"Well that's when my grandmother walked in!" Eddie exclaimed.

"No!" Barry gasped, and they dissolved into giggles.

They walked into the precinct laughing, garnering the attention of the people milling about by the doors. For the past couple days they'd taken to meeting at a coffee place and then walking to work together. They weren't meeting at Jitters, though—too many memories of Iris. This was a tradition that was entirely their own, and it was nice.

"Mr. Thawne, Mr. Allen, if you're done being a married couple, I have a precinct to run," Captain Singh muttered as he walked by.

Eddie and Barry looked at each other and grinned, and Barry felt his stomach give a little twist.

"Have a good day at work, dear," Eddie joked.

Barry's stomach twisted once more at the twinkle in Eddie's eyes. He gave an obliging chuckle.

"I'll put the roast in the oven when I'm home, darling," Barry replied.

Eddie gave a pleased chuckle and walked away. Barry watched him for a moment before heading for the stairs. His stomach was still all twisted up, and he wondered what was happening to him.


	7. I dreamt about you last night.

"I dreamt about you last night."

Barry startled at the voice and almost knocked over a case of glass vials containing blood samples. Thank goodness for super speed.

"Oh, sorry, didn't mean—" Eddie came into view, and Barry calmed down. "Halloween isn't till next week," he said teasingly. "Why are you so jumpy?"

"I was just in the zone," Barry replied with a smile. "What did you say?"

"Uh, you were in my dream last night," Eddie said, and Barry thought he noticed a hint of a blush.

"Oh yeah? What was the dream about?" Barry asked, taking off his goggles and gloves. He touched his fingers to his skin, certain that there was a red ring from the goggles, and he silently cursed lab safety needs. Eddie didn't seem to notice, though.

"Oh, it was, um, we were in a park," Eddie answered. "Just walking around. I think we were drinking coffee."

Barry laughed. "That's pretty tame as far as 'I had a dream about you' tends to go," he said, unable to control his mouth. "I was hoping for something more exciting." Did that come out flirtatious? Did he mean it flirtatiously?

"Like spiders suddenly crawling out of your cup?" Eddie asked.

He pulled a face. "I said exciting, not disgusting."

Eddie grinned. "Sorry, sorry." He began stepping back. "Anyway, I'll get out of your hair. Sorry for startling you."

"No, it's okay," Barry said. "I don't get a ton of visitors. But I don't mind if you do. Visit me, I mean."

"Okay." Eddie nodded to himself, then smiled again. "I'll visit more often, then."

Barry smiled back, and tried to ignore how ridiculously happy he felt at the prospect of Eddie visiting him. He just liked making new friends. That was all. And speaking of friends…

"Hey, do you like trivia?" Barry asked suddenly.

Eddie turned around. "Yeah, sure. The real question is if I'm any good at it."

"Do you want to come to trivia night at Jitters? It's a weekly thing with Cisco and Caitlin."

"S.T.A.R. Labs, right?" Eddie asked.

Barry nodded.

"So you're inviting me to a trivia group made up of three competitive scientists?"

Barry nodded again, and began wondering if this was a terrible idea.

But then Eddie smiled. "I'd love to."


	8. Take my seat.

"And the answer is...Great Wall of China!"

"Yes!" Cisco shouted punching the air with his fist. "Another point for Team S.T.A.R. Labs!"

Barry laughed. Trivia nights at Jitters were never boring. Particularly whenever Felicity made it up from Starling City. That woman was quite competitive. It was too bad she wasn't there tonight, but they were nailing all the questions anyway.

"Hey, sorry I'm late."

Barry, Cisco, and Caitlin looked up to see Eddie standing before them, looking—surprisingly—a little nervous. He and Joe had been called away to interview some witnesses right before the end of Barry's work day, so he'd known Eddie was going to be late. Part of him had wondered if he was going to show up at all. But here he was, and Barry's spirit soared.

"Oh hey!" Barry said, standing up instinctively to hug him. He felt immediately awkward, though, and just stood there like a dumbass. He panicked. "Uh, take my seat."

Eddie smiled. "Nonsense, I'll just take this one," he said, putting his hand on the back of the empty fourth chair that was already at their table.

"Right," Barry said, nodding. He sat back down, trying to avoid Caitlin's calculating gaze and ignore his flaming cheeks.

"Okay, okay, next question," Cisco said, beckoning them to crowd around the tablet on the table, where the four possible answers to the next trivia question had appeared.

Although Eddie, Caitlin, and Cisco had all met briefly before, it was nice to actually hang out with all of them. Plus, Barry had been feeling bad for spending almost all of his free time with Eddie now. This mixing of his two worlds felt really good.

"Barry? What do you think?"

"Huh?" Barry looked at the question and answers on the tablet. The countdown to submit an answer was at fifteen seconds. "Yeah, sure."

Cisco selected the answer the three of them had decided on, and then they all sat back in their chairs to wait for the answer to be revealed. As he leaned against his chair, Barry realized why he hadn't been paying attention to the trivia question; he'd been way too focused on the way Eddie's shoulder was pressed into his.

Ten minutes later, after a scolding from the trivia moderator and Cisco almost being thrown out of the joint, they emerged as the winners for the ninth week in a row. Cisco was loudly singing "We Are the Champions" as Caitlin dragged him toward her car.

"Come on, champion, I'm taking you home," she said, unceremoniously shoving him into the passenger seat and closing the door. They could still hear his off-key belting through the glass and metal.

"I'll see you tomorrow," Barry said, hugging Caitlin.

"It was nice hanging out with you," Caitlin said to Eddie, giving him a hug too. She pulled away, gave Barry a measured look that made him suddenly uneasy, and then turned to get into her car. Cisco was still singing.

"Do you want a ride?" Eddie asked. "My car's down the block."

Barry hesitated a second, but only for a second, because he'd hands down rather hang out with Eddie than save time on the fifteen minutes it would take to drive home.

"Sure," Barry said, and they began walking. "Hey, sorry for inviting you to a trivia group made up of three competitive scientists."

"I held my own," Eddie said.

"You did, you did," Barry allowed, smiling down at the sidewalk.

"And besides—" Eddie nudged Barry with his shoulder, reminding Barry of how close they huddled around the table. Surprisingly, he started blushing. "—I like your friends. They're great."

"They like you too."

"I'm glad," he said. "I also like you."

Something about that made the blood start rushing in Barry's ears, creating a loud buzzing sound. He wasn't sure why he was reacting this way. He and Eddie had said as much before, that they liked being friends with each other and that they liked hanging out together.

He laughed nervously to cover his pause. "Oh yeah?" he said, making a joke out of it. "So you're not just using me for my trivia hookup?"

Eddie smiled. "Not at all."


	9. I saved a piece for you.

"Barry! There you are!" Eddie called as Barry walked into the precinct Monday morning.

Barry felt a twinge of embarrassment as some people turned to look at him, and he was obliged to walk over. It had been a few days since the trivia night, and Barry had kind of been avoiding Eddie. He'd declined invites to hang out, claiming he had to do S.T.A.R. Labs works or spend time with Joe, but really he just had to figure out why Eddie was making him feel so nervous lately.

He figured it probably had to do with Iris. As Iris' best friend, he should've been supporting her more, but he couldn't since she was avoiding him, and now he was spending all his time with her ex. What he was feeling was probably just guilt or unease. It certainly wasn't a normal situation.

"Hey," Barry said when he reached Eddie.

Eddie pushed a paper plate with a slice of cake on it into Barry's hands. "It's Susan's birthday, remember? I saved you a piece."

Barry stared at the cake and then stared at Eddie. "Thanks, Eddie. That was really nice."

Eddie shrugged. "We're friends. Friends save each other cake."

Friends, Barry repeated in his head. They were friends. Of course they were friends. They just weren't supposed to be friends, and that's why he felt weird about it. That made sense.


	10. I'm sorry for your loss.

Two weeks later, Barry stalked into the precinct in a storm of bad energy. A couple officers stepped quickly out of his path, sensing his foul mood. There was one who didn't, though, and that was Eddie, who approached him with a golden smile.

"Barry, hey—"

"Not now, Eddie, sorry," Barry said, stepping past him and barreling up the stairs to his lab.

He threw his bag on the floor and accidentally kicked it in the process, sending some pencils flying out across the floor. He picked them up quickly, then noticed how messy his lab had become in the past week. He went at regular speed, grabbing the napkins and paper bags and throwing them angrily into the trash can. He checked his phone and saw a few text messages (from Iris, from Joe, from Caitlin) and chucked it across the room, then thought better of that and raced over to catch it before it hit the ground. He set it down on the main lab table and took a breath.

"Barry?"

Barry stopped at the sound of Eddie's voice, his hands gripping the edge the table, shoulders tensed. "Eddie. I have a lot of work to—"

"Are you avoiding me?"

His head slumped forward. The answer was yes, he kind of had been, but that was not the reason for his testy attitude today.

"No," Barry answered. "I'm sorry. Today's just..." He sighed. "It's not a good day."

He heard Eddie's steps cross the floor, and then he felt the man's presence behind him.

"Talk to me, Barry," Eddie said. "You know you can tell me anything."

"I..." His shoulders deflated, and he felt Eddie's hand rest on his waist. The gesture was so intimate it should've sent Barry flying across the room, but instead he leaned into it. "It's my mom's birthday."

Eddie exhaled. "Oh, Barry. I'm...I didn't know, I'm sorry."

"It's okay. How would you have known?" Barry asked.

"I just—I don't know," Eddie said. He stepped closer, and the hand on Barry's waist became half an embrace with Eddie lightly pressed against his back. Barry leaned against him more, cursing himself at the same time. He could've leaned their heads together, but he resisted that much.

"This time of year is just hard. With her birthday, and then Thanksgiving next week and Christmas after that," Barry said softly. The thought of Thanksgiving just made his head hurt, too, with everything that was going on with Iris this year.

"Is there anything I can do for you?" he asked.

Barry shook his head.

After a few moments, Eddie spoke again. "I wish there was something I could say, but 'I'm sorry for your loss' doesn't seem to cut it right now."

Barry managed to laugh a bit. "No, it doesn't. But thank you."

Eddie shook his head. "I—"

Barry turned into him, not making eye contact, and put his arms around Eddie's shoulders. Eddie's other arm came around him, both hands resting at the small of Barry's back. They stood there, hugging, for what felt like a long time, and Barry let himself melt into this moment.

"Thank you for this," Barry said after a long while, chin hooked on Eddie's shoulder. "Thank you for being here."

"I'm always here," Eddie replied.

And Barry allowed himself to believe it. He also allowed himself to believe that he didn't just feel guilty over not being there for Iris, that he didn't feel nervous around Eddie because they weren't supposed to be friends. He allowed himself to believe that maybe there was something more to it.


	11. You can have half.

If there was ever any chance of convincing himself that he did not have a crush on Eddie, it had disappeared a long time ago. He was sunk. There was no going back.

In his opinion, he was dealing with it well. It had been about a week, and he wasn't totally in the middle of a sexuality crisis—he'd long ago figured out that he wasn't always interested in girls but hadn't confronted that thought since high school—and he hadn't resorted to avoiding Eddie again. He was just worried about Iris, and Joe, and the precinct, and Eddie, and—

Well, he was actually worried about a lot. Primarily Iris, and primarily Eddie. He didn't know anything about Eddie's sexual identity apart from the fact that he liked women. If he liked any other genders, Barry wasn't aware. But who puts a hand on the waist of a friend and then shares a long intimate hug if they're not interested? Right?

Barry sighed.

"You okay?" Eddie asked.

"What? Yeah, fine," Barry replied, balling up the trash from the Subway sandwich he'd just finished.

"You inhaled that," Eddie said with a laugh as Barry tried to shoot the trash into the breakroom trash can and missed.

"Guess I'm hungry," Barry said, standing up to properly throw the trash away.

"Here." Eddie pushed the other half of his footlong over to Barry's side of the table. "You can have my other half."

"Oh, no, I'm fine," Barry said.

"I insist."

Barry took one look at Eddie's eager, insistent face and caved. This was bad.

"Hey, do you want to come over tonight?" Barry asked, surprising himself.

Eddie's eyebrows raised. "To your house?"

"Yeah," Barry said, his insides now squirming with regret. "Uh, Joe's gonna be out. With, uh…"

He didn't want to say her name, but Eddie nodded and understood anyway.

"We could watch some cheesy Thanksgiving movie," he suggested.

Eddie laughed out loud. "Yeah, that sounds great. Better than the date I had planned with my sofa anyway."

Butterflies replaced the squirming in Barry's stomach, and he decided that his earlier thought was wrong. This wasn't bad. This was really, really bad.


	12. Take my jacket, it's cold outside.

"Okay, okay, you're right," Eddie said with a laugh as Barry walked him to the front door that evening. "The Flash is way cooler than the Green Arrow."

"I'm glad I could get you to come to your senses," Barry replied. Then he glanced out the window, pulled a jacket off the coat rack, and held it out to Eddie. "Here, take my jacket."

"Nah, I'll be fine."

"It's cold outside," he insisted, offering it again.

Eddie rolled his eyes. "Okay, mom," he said sarcastically. He pulled the jacket from Barry's hand, and their fingers brushed. Barry felt a tingle run up his arm.

"See you tomorrow," Eddie said.

"Thanks for hanging out," Barry replied.

Eddie smiled at him, and suddenly it felt like the end of a date. Barry knew he should stop being weird and get the door, but something was keeping Barry rooted to the spot. He was trapped in Eddie's gaze, and Barry felt like he should lean in or something, but—

The door opened, and Joe walked in. He stopped in surprise at seeing Eddie, and Barry instinctively took a step away from him even though they weren't standing that close to begin with.

"Eddie, hey," Joe greeted after a moment.

"Hey, Joe. Sorry, I was just leaving," Eddie said. He turned to Barry again. "Bye, Bar."

He went out the door and Joe closed it behind him, then gave Barry a quizzical look.

"What?" Barry asked, and then cursed that it sounded so defensive.

"Nothing, just." Joe took a breath and removed his coat. "I've noticed you and Eddie have been spending a lot of time together."

"Yeah, he's my friend," Barry said, crossing his arms and leaning against the wall. Except the wall was a little farther away than he thought, and he stumbled a little before regaining his balance.

Joe's eyebrows raised. "I know that. But then I come home and you have this look on your face..."

"Look? What look? I don't have a look," Barry stammered, wishing he could control his mouth for once. "This is just, like, how my—how my face is."

"You have the same look on your face as when I caught you holding hands with Tiffany Darin when you were in eighth grade," Joe replied.

"W-What?" Barry asked, heart pounding.

Joe shook his head. "Nothing, Barry. I'm glad you're friends with Eddie. Forget I said anything."


	13. Sorry I'm late.

Barry skidded to a stop behind the movie theater and changed in the blink of an eye. He zipped into the building to get a look at himself in the bathroom mirror. Every part of his face that wasn't covered by the mask was coated in a thick layer of soot. He cursed the fire-controlling metahuman he'd fought moments ago and began hurriedly scrubbing at his face.

Once he looked somewhat respectable, he went out to the front, bought his ticket, and then found the theater where _Joker_ was playing. He stood awkwardly by the entryway and looked over the seats until he saw Eddie waving him over.

"Hey, sorry I'm late," Barry whispered when he got over to him.

"No worries," Eddie replied. "Trailers just started. And I'm kinda used to you being late, anyway." He winked, and Barry ducked his head.

"Popcorn?" Eddie offered, tilting the bag his way.

"Sure, thanks."

He grabbed a few pieces and popped them into his mouth. Then, after a moment's hesitation, Barry leaned against the armrest that was between them and felt their shoulders touch. Eddie leaned against him as well, and Barry found he could barely focus on the movie now.


	14. Can I have this dance?

Barry adjusted his tie as he stepped out of the bathroom, where he'd disappeared to ten minutes ago after Caitlin alerted him to a bomb threat at a train station. Thankfully it was a fake, and the guy who'd made the call only did it to prevent his ex-girlfriend from leaving the city. Apparently he was going to rush in and pretend to disassemble it, and then his heroics were supposed to make her fall in love with him again.

And Barry thought _he_ had relationship issues.

"There you are," Eddie said, approaching him from the side. "You were gone a little while."

"Yeah, you know," Barry replied. "I guess I ate, um...bad tuna."

Eddie made a face and laughed, then patted him on the back. "Sorry, pal."

Barry laughed too, then looked out at the scene before him. It was the CCPD's annual holiday party, held at the beginning of December. It was always a big occasion, and this year was no exception. Everyone was here, including important city officials and Singh's husband's elderly grandmother. She was actually dancing pretty hard for a 92-year-old woman with a walker.

He felt Eddie go still and grab his elbow, and Barry looked the direction he was, and—

"Iris," Barry breathed.

She was across the room, chatting with Joe and a couple other people Barry didn't recognize. Barry was actually surprised he hadn't seen her earlier. She laughed at something and shook her head, her glossy hair swishing behind her. Then her eyes fell to the side and landed on Barry and Eddie. Her face fell and she stepped in closer to the group, basically putting her back to them.

Their Thanksgiving had both been better and worse than he'd expected it to be. Better because there wasn't any awkwardness Iris. But worse because she hadn't been there in the first place. She claimed she'd gotten a writing assignment. So instead, he and Joe had gone to the prison to visit his dad, ate a fairly simple dinner as far as holiday feasts go, and went to bed early.

Eddie made a small, choked noise in the back of his throat, and Barry's gut wrenched. He had to do something to distract Eddie, something to take that awful look off of his face.

The song switched to something he actually knew, and he got an idea. A crazy idea, but still an idea.

"Hey," Barry said, stepping into Eddie's line of sight. "Can I have this dance?"

Eddie snorted at Barry's extended hand and then, realizing that Barry was kinda serious, nodded. He took Barry's hand and they walked out to the center of the space, near the grandmother. Their hands dropped pretty quickly, but Barry couldn't shake the tingle.

Barry started singing along to the song and moved along to the beat, shaking his hips and hands in a ridiculous way. Eddie laughed and joined too. Half the time they just made fun of the other's attempts at dancing, and then they'd shout the lyrics at each other, or they'd try to do really corny dance moves like the sprinkler. Barry couldn't remember the last time he'd had this much fun with abandon.

Leaning against each other and laughing, the music switched to something slower, and Eddie's hand gripped Barry's shoulder more tightly. They straightened up and looked at each other, stepping somewhat closer. Barry's hands settled on Eddie's waist for a moment, and then the spell broke. They laughed and stepped away from each other.

Barry's heart was in his throat. "I-I'm gonna get us some punch," he said.

Eddie smiled and nodded, although he looked a little confused. What was he confused about? Barry shook his head as he walked away toward the refreshment table. He scooped the punch into two paper cups and was about to walk back over when Joe intercepted him.

"A moment?" Joe asked, and they found an unoccupied spot along the wall.

"What's up, Joe?" Barry asked, trying not to feel nervous.

"You have that look again," Joe said. "The look you get when you have a crush you don't want me to know about."

Barry's heart was in his throat again, and he choked on it as he tried to speak.

"Iris left a little while ago, so you don't have to worry about her seeing anything," Joe continued. "But I think you should figure out what everybody else already has. And if you don't tell Iris soon, well."

He sighed while Barry panicked.

"I love you no matter what, Bar. I hope you know that by now," Joe said. "I just want you to be happy."

Barry swallowed and nodded. He couldn't seem to make his voice work. Joe smiled at him and patted him on the shoulder, and then nodded in the direction of Eddie, who gave a little wave.

"Go on," Joe said.

With stilted movement—which was a strange feeling for someone with super speed—Barry made his way over to Eddie.

"Everything okay?" Eddie asked as Barry handed him the punch.

Barry nodded. "Fine. Just fine."


	15. I made your favorite.

The doorbell rang, making Barry get up and go answer the door. What he'd been expecting, he didn't know, but he sure wasn't expecting Eddie standing with a plate full of cookies.

"Hey," Eddie said with a bright smile. "I, uh, I made your favorite, and I figured I should bring some over."

It was the first time they'd really seen each other since the department party, since Joe had confronted Barry about his not-so-platonic feelings about Eddie. It had only been about a week, but Barry had been kind of avoiding Eddie ever since then. They'd only seen each other in passing at the precinct, and Barry made sure to make himself scarce.

"Almond chocolate coconut?" Barry asked.

Eddie faltered and lowered the plate, his face confused. "Ah, no, I—white chocolate macadamia. I thought—" He cut off when he saw the teasing grin on Barry's face.

"I'm joking," Barry said, stepping aside to let him in. "I hate almonds."

"Good to know," Eddie replied.

He stepped inside and they went over to the kitchen counter, each grabbing a cookie to munch on. Barry took a bite and made a noise of pleasure.

"This is good," he said. "Did you make them from scratch?"

Eddie snorted. "Hell no. Who do you think I am? Prepackaged dough all the way."

Barry laughed. There was a pause as they both chewed, and Barry stared resolutely at the floor.

"So what's the occasion?" Barry asked, trying to clear the awkwardness. "I'm sure I haven't done anything lately to deserve cookies."

That wasn't true. Yesterday he rescued three cats from trees, helped an old lady cross the street (it was the slowest he'd moved in a year), and dismantled a bomb before it could be delivered to a post office. But Eddie didn't know that.

"I, uh..." Eddie cleared his throat. "I kind of feel like you've been avoiding me a little."

"Oh." Barry swallowed and brushed the crumbs off his hands. "I wasn't meaning to." Lie.

"I'm sure," Eddie replied. "I just, well." He cleared his throat again. "I like being your friend, Barry, but I understand if it puts you in an awkward position with Joe and with—with Iris—"

"Eddie, it's—" Barry shook his head. "It's not that. It's nothing to do with you, I promise." That was a lie.

Eddie nodded slowly. "I just thought maybe Joe said something to you at the department party."

"No. And I like being your friend too," Barry told him, then grabbed another cookie off the plate. "Especially if these become a regular thing."

Eddie laughed and shoved his shoulder, then grabbed a cookie too.


	16. It's okay. I couldn't sleep anyway.

Barry's head hit the pillow just as his cell phone rang. In his exhaustion, he was tempted to ignore it, but being a superhero meant you were never sure if someone was calling about an emergency.

"Hello?" he said groggily.

"B-Barry?"

It was Eddie.

"Yeah, I'm here. What's wrong?" he said, sitting up immediately.

"Sorry, I know it's late—"

"It's okay. I couldn't sleep anyway," he lied. He could feel sleep pulling on his eyelids. "Talk to me."

"I, uh, it's…it's our anniversary."

Barry was quiet. He heard Eddie sniffle a bit. "What do you need?"

"I don't know," Eddie said. "I'm sorry I called you. I'm sorry I'm always calling you about this stuff. It's not fair to you."

"I've told you, don't worry about that," Barry said. "What can I do for you?"

There was a beat of silence. "Distract me."

Barry nodded to himself. "I can tell you stories."

"Yeah, that. Do that."

His first instinct was to talk about his childhood, but so much of that involved Iris that he knew it wouldn't serve as a good distraction. So he turned instead to when he first started at the department.

"My first day as a CSI, I was late."

Eddie laughed. "Of course."

"Yeah, and I rushed into the office and literally ran into Singh."

He heard a breathy laugh. "Oh no."

Barry laughed at himself. "Yeah, and Singh was holding a cup of coffee…"


	17. Watch your step.

"Got here as soon as I could," Eddie said as he approached the crime scene.

"Over here." Joe motioned him over to where he was standing by a broken window. Barry was nearby taking pictures.

Eddie approached, not paying attention to where he was going in his rush. He started to walk toward a faded footprint that they hadn't grabbed a sample of yet, and Barry reached out, catching his hand.

"Watch your step," Barry said, pulling him out of the direction Eddie had been heading.

"Oh, thanks," he said, hand closing automatically around Barry's. They looked at each other in panic for half a second, realizing what they were doing, and then let go.

"Thawne, I need your eyes on this," Joe said impatiently.

"Yeah. Yep. Sure thing. Yeah," Eddie stammered, tearing his eyes away from Barry's and heading over.

Barry flexed his hand, remembering the feel of Eddie's, and then used it to hold his camera again. His mind was mind racing. Why had he done that? Why had he reached for Eddie's hand and not his arm? Why was he being so ridiculously obvious? He shook his head. Maybe last night tired him out more than he thought.

He and Eddie had stayed up late into the night just talking on the phone. They'd traded police stories and childhood memories, though Barry had been careful to steer away from any involving Iris. He wasn't quite sure how long they'd talked, though, because he'd woken up with the phone still pressed to his ear. He was just glad he'd set his alarms to daily or else he would've been later than Eddie today.

Eddie leaned over a spray of broken glass, conferring with Joe, and Barry accidentally took a picture. He opened up the gallery to delete it, then stopped and looked at it for a moment. Eddie looked tired, and his hair was rumpled, but it didn't diminish him at all. Barry blushed and quickly deleted the photo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Barry flexing his hand after grabbing Eddie's is 100% inspired by the scene in Pride and Prejudice (2005) where Darcy helps Elizabeth into the carriage and then flexes his hand by his side while probably thinking "why the fuck did I just do that oh god."
> 
> I know a lot of these first chapters are pretty short, but they do get generally longer once they eventually stop being complete idiots. Thank you for reading!
> 
> ~Ki


	18. Here, drink this. You'll feel better.

Barry approached Eddie's door and feebly knocked with his elbow since his hands were occupied with two large teas.

He almost knocked again when he heard some muffled shuffling, and then the lock clicked and a rumpled Eddie was looking at him in confusion. His hair was out of sorts, his nose was red, and he had a blanket wrapped around his shoulders. He looked even more tired than he did after their all night phone call a couple days ago.

"Barry?" he said.

"Heard you were sick," Barry said in lieu of a greeting. He proffered the teas and held one out for Eddie to take as he stepped inside. "Drink this. You'll feel better."

"You're the best," Eddie said, closing the door.

Barry grinned. "I know."

They walked inside and Barry saw the nest that Eddie had made for himself on the sofa out of blankets and discarded tissues. Iron Chef was playing on the television, and it looked like a marathon.

"Oh, so you're that kind of sick person," Barry said, nodding to himself.

"What?" Eddie asked, looking confused.

"A gross one."

"Oh shut up," Eddie grumbled. "Nobody invited you here."

For a second, Barry felt panicky. Was this a mistake? Was he inconveniencing or annoying Eddie by being here right now? Should he leave? But then Eddie smiled at him, and everything in Barry relaxed.

"But since you're here, you might as well stay," Eddie said.

"Well, if you insist," Barry said with a heavy sigh, as if it was a chore, even though it was exactly what he'd been hoping for. Time spent with Eddie was time well spent, even if Eddie was currently a gross snot monster.


	19. Can I hold your hand?

"Have you seen it before?" Eddie asked, nodding at the television screen where they were trying to pick out a movie to watch. They were now considering _Insidious_.

Barry shook his head. "No, but Ir—I've heard it's pretty scary."

Eddie nodded and smiled. If he'd picked up on the fact that Barry almost said Iris, he didn't give a sign. "Well, can I hold your hand if I get scared?"

Something twisted in Barry's chest, and his hand twitched instinctively. "Ha, sure. But only if you keep your germs to yourself."

Eddie ducked his head and smiled. He was feeling much better than he had been yesterday, but Barry was still happy to play nurse. Eddie had even ditched the nest of tissues, which Barry was thankful for. Even though he didn't catch colds anymore, he still had a bit of a thing about germs.

Eddie selected the movie, and Barry got up to turn off the lamp and then sat back down. Barry was very aware of the smell of Eddie's cologne, and he tried to focus on the movie instead of that, but that was hard to do when Eddie's arm brushed his whenever he shifted to grab some more popcorn.

The thing about scary movies was that they were supposed to get your heart racing, they didn't really work well on Barry anymore. The adrenaline spikes he got from the jump scares and such weren't enough to give him the physical feelings of being scared. It was just in his head, which allowed him to think logically about it, and so he didn't react a whole lot.

Eddie, on the other hand, kept jumping wildly and giving shaky laughs afterwards, likely out of embarrassment. Barry thought it was charming though, and nudged Eddie with his shoulder after one of the scares.

Halfway through the movie, the suspense was building immensely as Renai described a dream she had about a demonic entity. Eddie pressed himself into Barry's side, and Barry noticed that their hands were close on the couch already. All he'd have to do was shift his hand—

The demon suddenly appeared on screen and Eddie jumped—away from Barry. He gave himself a shake and then glanced at Barry. They were no longer touching.

"Sorry I'm such a scaredy cat, pal," he said, his eyes surprisingly serious.

Barry smiled. "It's fine," he replied, looking away quickly. He briefly curled his hand into a fist and then uncurled it and tucked it underneath his leg, where it could do no harm.


	20. You can borrow mine.

"Wait, wait, slow down," Eddie told the hysterical witness, who wailed in response. Barry looked over from where he was analyzing some blood splatter.

Eddie patted his sides, then pulled out his pocket notebook and pen. He pulled the cap off with his teeth.

"Okay, now, could you start over?" he asked.

The woman began again, but as Eddie tried to write nothing came out of the pen.

"Damn! Sorry, just—just—"

The woman began crying even harder, and Eddie's face was pinched as he tried to get the pen to work. Barry stood up quickly and pulled one of his gloves off, then retrieved a pen from his pocket.

"Here, you can borrow mine," he said, tossing it to him.

Eddie caught it with a grateful look on his face. "Thanks, babe," he said, then turned to the woman again.

The woman began recounting what she witnessed again, with Eddie intently listening and scribbling, but Barry was frozen to the spot, playing that word over and over again in his head. Eddie didn't seem to have noticed that he said it, but to Barry it was the loudest thing around—louder than the woman's shrieking voice.

It was an accident. It had to have been an accident. There was no way Eddie would call him _babe_. Eddie was always calling him _pal_ and occasionally _buddy_. They'd just spent the entire weekend together and Eddie was still getting over his cold, so it was probably just brain fog, but still...

Barry was just grateful that Joe was on the other side of the crime scene and hadn't heard, because that would mean another confrontation like the one at the party. He still hadn't done anything about his…_feelings_ regarding Eddie, and he was now beginning to suspect that he couldn't just ignore them anymore.


	21. You might like this.

"Oh no, I'm not eating that," Barry said, shaking his head. Eddie had invited him over for dinner and a movie, which felt confusingly romantic. Even more romantic was the revelation that Eddie had planned on cooking for the two of them. What wasn't romantic was how the cooking had turned out.

"Why not?" Eddie said, looking hurt.

"When you said you were cooking, I didn't expect…"

"You didn't expect a molten lump of charcoal in place of a chicken?" Eddie finished, gesturing to the blackened hunk of meat sitting on the counter. "Why wouldn't you? This is now all the rage in restaurants across Central City. Plus, it's pretty festive."

Barry snorted. "Are you saying you think you're getting coal from Santa next week?"

"Singh might've put in a bad word with the big guy. I'm really behind on my paperwork," Eddie said with a flippant smile.

Then, to Barry's horror, Eddie pulled out a fork and a knife and managed to hack off a small piece of the so-called chicken, not listening to Barry's protests. Aghast, Barry watched as Eddie put the piece of burned chicken into his mouth. He chewed thoughtfully, his face not betraying anything.

"You know, you might like this," Eddie said after he swallowed.

"You've gotta be kidding," Barry said.

Eddie's composure lasted about half a second more, and then he nodded, wiping his tongue on the back of his hand. "It's so gross. I don't know why I did that."

Barry started laughing as he walked over to Eddie's cupboards and pulled down a cup and filled it with water. He held it out to Eddie, who reached gratefully for it, then he pulled it away at the last second and raised it to his own mouth.

"Tease!" Eddie groaned, causing Barry to laugh and water to dribble down his chin. He offered the cup to Eddie again and let him take it this time, but they were both laughing too much for him to successfully drink anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I didn't upload this yesterday! I woke up late and didn't have time before work—but now you get a double update!
> 
> Thank you for all the comments!
> 
> ~Ki


	22. It's not heavy. I'm stronger than I look.

Barry hated cold cases. On the one hand, he was always happy when a new lead cropped up, and he loved being able to provide closure on cases, but he hated going through the boxes to find the old case files. And there was something distasteful about crime during the holidays, especially with Christmas less than a week away.

"It should be the third one back," Eddie said, looking at the crate numbers.

Barry sighed and pulled his jacket off, setting it on the other row of crates. He put his hands under the first one and lifted.

"Wait, I can help," Eddie said, but Barry was already turning and setting it down on the ground.

"It's fine, it's not that heavy," Barry said as he straightened up and started to grab the next one. "I'm stronger than I look, you know."

"That's for sure," Eddie replied, watching as Barry pulled the next crate forward and lowered it to the ground behind them. Barry's face flushed, and he became aware of the fact that this pants were fairly tight.

He straightened up, and Eddie cleared his throat, reaching for the third crate. "Right, so…"

But Barry had already started reaching for the third crate, and their hands brushed. Barry yanked his hands back quickly, earning a curious look from Eddie.

"Sorry," Barry said.

"You're at the better angle," Eddie said shrugging his shoulder at the crate.

Barry nodded and reached for the crate, and again felt like Eddie was watching him a little too closely. His shirt was becoming untucked and riding up now, and he couldn't stop himself from blushing even more.

"I heard Simms and Gordon hooked up here once," Eddie said out of the blue.

Barry twitched and almost hit his head on the shelf above. "What?" he choked out.

"Yeah, before Simms left the department," Eddie continued. "Makes sense, though. It's quiet, nobody comes here."

Barry's hands almost slipped on the crate as he lowered it from the shelf. Where was this coming from? Could…no…Eddie couldn't be hitting on him…could he?

He cleared his throat. "Ah, yeah, I guess. Cameras, though."

"Maybe that's their kink."

"Oh—oh, jeez—uh—" He stammered before Eddie interrupted him with laughter.

"Come on, let's get that thing upstairs," Eddie said, then led the way out of the archives. Barry, still blushing furiously, kept his eyes firmly down on the box in his arms.


	23. I'll wait.

"Ed—Eddie?" Barry said hurriedly into his phone.

"Hey, what's up?"

"Um, I might not make it tonight," he said. They'd made plans to watch the new _Star Wars_ movie tonight, since it was the opening weekend, but then a pair of villains had decided to test out their new laser rays tonight. "Something came up. Not sure how long it's gonna take."

"Oh." Eddie sounded disappointed, and Barry silently cursed being a superhero as he slipped into his suit. "That's okay. I'll wait."

"Are you sure? I'm gonna be late, like maybe really late," he said.

"It's fine," Eddie replied, sounding cheerful. "I'll wait for you."

Barry smiled to himself. "Right. I'll be as fast as possible." And he hung up and zipped away.

He arrived downtown to find the villains holding a bank hostage. With Cisco and Caitlin's help, he sneaked into the bank and detained the one threatening the hostages, then managed to defeat the one melting through the bank doors with the laser ray.

After dropping off the fancy laser rays for Cisco to analyze and depositing the villains in CCPD jail cells, Barry changed and ran as fast as he could to the movie theater.

A text he'd received from Eddie read, _Saving you a seat :)_

He turned in his ticket, which he'd bought ahead of time, and hurried to the theater, where the into text was already scrolling across the screen. He quickly found his seat—the only empty one in the house—and made his way to it, ignoring the grumbles and mutters as he interrupted people's views.

"All for me?" he whispered, noticing a popcorn bucket on the seat and another in Eddie's arms.

"Early Christmas present," Eddie whispered back.

Barry glanced around. They were in nearly the perfect spot in the theater. "How'd you manage to save my seat?"

Eddie silently lifted his shirt hem and exposed his police badge—and some of the skin of his waist, which was the best Christmas present Barry could've ever gotten. Barry rolled his eyes at Eddie's abuse of police power and settled in to watch the movie, thankful the darkness of the theater hid his blush.


	24. Just because.

A paper bag landed on the table, almost on top of Barry's paperwork. He looked up hurriedly, startled. He hadn't even heard the door open, but all he saw when he looked up was Eddie's smiling face. Thankfully, Eddie didn't seem to have noticed that Barry had been filling out the paperwork with super speed.

"What's this?" he asked, pulling the bag forward.

"Lunch."

"Wow, thanks," Barry said, peeking inside at the sandwich and chips that awaited consumption. "What's the occasion?"

"Oh you know, leftover Christmas spirit, paying it forward, just because," Eddie said, pulling a stool up to the lab table and setting his own paper bag on his lap. "Also, my parents sent me home with a ton of leftovers."

It was the day after Christmas, and it was also back to the grind for the both of them. Crime didn't take holidays. He was almost glad for the distraction this year, however. Barry hadn't wanted Iris to back out of another holiday, so he'd made himself scarce that way she and Joe could spend it together. He visited his dad in prison and his mom's grave, then spent the rest of the day at S.T.A.R. Labs having a makeshift party with Caitlin and Cisco, who also had complicated family situations. It wasn't too bad, all things considered.

Barry smiled at him. "You're too good to me," he said, then realized how couple-y that sounded.

"Well, I owed you after that chicken disaster last week," Eddie replied, not noticing.

"Yeah, what was that?" Barry said, laughing. "You made those cookies just fine."

Eddie nodded. "Pre-packaged baking is fine for me, but anything else is hit or miss. Clearly, chicken is a miss."

"You could say that again."

Eddie lightly punched his arm. "Hey, rude. I might revoke your lunch privileges."

Barry grabbed his bag in a protective manner. "Don't you dare."


	25. Look both ways.

"Are you sure you don't want me to give you a ride or anything?" Eddie asked as he walked with Barry to the door of his apartment.

"No, really, it's fine," Barry replied. "I don't mind the walk." Especially since it only took a max of five seconds.

"Well, if you're sure," Eddie conceded. He tipped his head back, gesturing to the television. "That season finale, huh?"

"Yeah, we're definitely going to have to start the next season as soon as possible," Barry said eagerly.

Eddie nodded, then reached out and pulled him into a brief yet tight hug. He released him, but kept one hand on Barry's shoulder. Barry was pretty sure he was blushing and found himself staring at his shoes to cover it.

"Hey, look both ways, yeah?" Eddie said with a teasing grin, slapping Barry's shoulder.

"Yes mom," he replied, stepping over the threshold into the hallway. "I'll text you when I'm home."

Eddie smiled. "Thanks, Bar."

"See you tomorrow?" Barry asked.

"The party! Yes, I'll be there," Eddie replied.

"Good," Barry replied, then waited for Eddie to close the door before zooming home, knowing he'd have to wait thirty minutes to text Eddie. But he'd just spend those thirty minutes imagining what could—but probably wouldn't—happen at the New Year's Eve Party tomorrow night.


	26. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.

The lights were bright, flashing over all of their faces. Caitlin was pink-faced and laughing as Cisco ranted about the DJ, whose music was pounding against Barry's ears. Eddie came back over with more drinks in his hands. All around them, the New Year's Eve party raged on.

"I can't b'lieve you're not feelin' it yet!" Eddie half-shouted in Barry's ear, leaning heavily against him.

"I told you, I'm a heavyweight!" Barry replied with a laugh, but he took the drink anyway. He half felt bad about Eddie buying him drinks all night despite his protests, but Eddie was determined to get Barry drunk. Barry just wished he could tell Eddie why it was impossible.

He sipped at his gin and tonic as Caitlin shrieked with laughter at something Cisco said. Eddie looked at Barry for answers, but Barry shook his head. Eddie laughed anyway.

The drinking and dancing continued late into the night, until it was finally almost midnight. Panic suddenly seized Barry as the DJ started calling for people to pair up. He glanced around for Cisco or Caitlin, but they'd already paired up. Eddie was nowhere to be seen, which calmed him for a moment, but then—

"Hey pal!" Eddie shouted over the music, appearing at Barry's side with more drinks. Barry reluctantly took the one meant for him, and Eddie smiled. "Guess i's you 'n me!" he yelled.

"Alright everybody, it's that time! Say it with me!" the DJ called.

As the countdown to midnight began, Barry's thoughts raced. He wanted to kiss Eddie. He really, really wanted to, but he couldn't. Right? There was just no way. He still didn't know how Eddie felt about him, and even if he did know, Eddie was wasted while he was stone cold sober. It would be wrong. But he still wanted to.

"Three!"

Heart racing, Barry put his free hand on the back of Eddie's neck. He could feel the short hair under his fingers, and his heart beat faster.

"Two!"

Eddie looked up at him with dazed eyes and leaned forward.

"One!"

Barry took half a step closer.

"Happy New Year!" the bar chorused as Barry tilted Eddie's head down and he planted a kiss on top of Eddie's head.

Eddie pulled away, laughing, and slapped Barry's arm with his free hand. Cisco and Caitlin, who'd kissed each other's hands in a dramatic mockery of medieval times, rejoined them and they started dancing again.

They left the club an hour later, with Caitlin and Cisco sharing a Lyft and Barry walking Eddie home since they were worried he might be too drunk for a car. Plus, Eddie only lived a few blocks away from the nightclub, and Barry could run home.

"Barry Allen, Barry Allen," Eddie said as they walked, swinging his arms jovially at his sides.

"Yes?" Barry replied, amused.

"Barry Allen, Barrllen," he continued. "Barryen, 'mpossible to get drunk! I can't believe it, Barry Allen."

"I tried to warn you," Barry said.

"I know, I know, Barrelln," Eddie slurred. "You have a fun name."

"Thanks, I was born with it," he replied, causing Eddie to dissolve into a fit of giggles.

After calming himself slightly, Eddie tried to throw an arm over Barry's shoulders despite being shorter than him, and Barry walked half-stooped.

"'m real glad we're friends, Barryllen," Eddie mumbled, pressing his mouth into Barry's ear.

Barry's face heated. "I'm glad too, Eddie Thawne."

Eddie laughed and released him, but then immediately grabbed Barry's hand. Barry's back straightened, and his hand felt clammy in Eddie's, but he didn't pull away. He scanned the streets for anybody they knew, but they were alone.

Eddie hummed contentedly to himself, swinging their hands together as they walked. Barry didn't trust himself to say anything—didn't think he was physically able to anyway—and so they walked in silence. Eddie was so out of it that Barry had to tug him around the corner toward Eddie's apartment building.

They got into the elevator, and Barry pressed the number for Eddie's floor. Eddie stepped closer, resting his cheek on Barry's shoulder and sighing as he squeezed Barry's hand. The elevator dinged as the doors opened, and they walked out.

Each step felt like an eternity. Barry's heart was pounding heavily, and he felt woozy in an almost drunken way. They approached Eddie's door and stopped in front of it, turning to face each other. Their hands hung between them somewhat ominously.

"Kinda feelll-like a date, huh?" Eddie murmured, looking up at him with bright eyes.

Barry nodded, his voice stuck in his throat.

Eddie squeezed his hand again and stepped closer, his eyes on their joined hands.

"Hap-new year, Barrallen," Eddie mumbled.

Eddie stepped closer again, their hands at their side, chests almost touching, and Eddie looked up at him. Eddie closed his eyes and started to lean up and forward. Barry almost blacked out, his blood was racing so fast. A million thoughts flew through his head, too fast to fully think through, and all he could grasp was that there would be no going back, no denying, no more pretending.

At the last second he turned his head to the side, and Eddie's lips collided with Barry's jaw instead. Eddie released his hand at once and took a few stumbling steps back.

"Oh," Eddie said, looking stricken. "I'm sorry. I didn' mean to."

Barry's chest felt strained. "No, I—"

Eddie pulled his keys from his pocket and fumbled with them, trying to insert one into the knob. "I'm sorry, Bar, just forget it, sorry, I didn't—" The key slid in and he twisted it, opening the door.

"Eddie, please, it's—"

"Night," he mumbled, then shut the door without a backward glance.

Barry shook his head miserably, turning and running. He didn't have a destination in mind, he just kept running and running, tears drying instantly on his cheeks. He didn't run home, he didn't run to S.T.A.R. Labs. He ran around the city until he felt like his heart was about to burst.


	27. Try some.

The next day, Barry called in sick to work. He stayed home under a pile of blankets, his phone close by in case S.T.A.R. Labs called in with a super emergency, but otherwise he was checked out from the world. Joe had knocked earlier, but Barry ignored him, and he left without pushing the issue.

Barry's mind was trapped in an anxiety spiral, the likes of which he hadn't experienced since childhood. He kept replaying the events of last night and every single little thing Eddie had done. Every joke, every glance, every casual touch. And then the not-so-little things, such as trying to kiss Barry not once but twice. Barry couldn't deny that Eddie had been flirting with him. He just hadn't allowed himself to believe it could be genuine—in fact he'd convinced himself it was the alcohol telling Eddie what to do—but the look on Eddie's face when Barry rejected the kiss had been one of genuine hurt and embarrassment. Had Barry ruined everything before it was even a something?

Eventually, Barry was forced to make his way downstairs because he had to eat. Because of his metabolism, he couldn't afford to lay in bed and languish all day, and he'd run out of snacks in his bedroom stash.

He dug through the fridge for the leftover lasagna from two nights ago and had just started digging into it when he heard the front door close.

"Joe?" Barry called around a mouthful of cold pasta.

"No."

Barry's heart dropped. It was Iris.

He left the kitchen, stupidly holding a Pyrex dish and fork in his hands. She stood there with a mixed expression on her face. Barry realized then that he hadn't seen her since glimpsing her at the CCPD holiday party, and they hadn't talked since October, before she'd stopped ignoring him completely. It was the longest they'd ever gone without talking or seeing each other, and he hadn't even noticed until just now.

"I thought you'd be at work," she said.

"Called in sick," he replied.

They stood there, apart from each other, the distance between them more than physical. Iris looked both apprehensive and defensive, but she also seemed tired. He looked at her and saw his best friend, the woman he loved, and then he remembered Eddie, his new best friend, and the man he—

Barry cleared his throat. "How have you been?"

"Fine," Iris said. "I'm sorry I haven't…"

"Yeah. Me too."

They looked at each other again.

"So—"

"I'm leaving," Iris said.

Barry raised his eyebrows. "What?"

"Um, just for a month," Iris replied. "Got an assignment to do some traveling. I'll go through the country reporting on the vigilante phenomenon."

"Sounds great," he said. "You'll be careful?"

She smiled, and for a moment it was like the past few months hadn't happened. "Of course, Bar." She looked down. "I just came to grab a few things from my room."

"Yeah." He nodded.

She shifted her weight. "Okay. Well…" She went to the staircase and Barry went back into the kitchen. He continued eating the lasagna, listening to the sounds of Iris moving around upstairs. She came back down ten minutes later, called a goodbye to him, and left.

Barry felt nauseous suddenly and put the lasagna away and ran upstairs to hide under his blanket pile again. He stayed there for what was probably hours, not moving until the doorbell summoned him again. With a heavy sigh, he went downstairs. He guessed Iris forgot something and wondered why she didn't just let herself in. But when he opened the door, he found—

"Eddie," he breathed.

Eddie's face was guarded yet embarrassed. "Hey, uh, I heard you were sick." He held up a bag. "I brought soup. You should try some. It's from this place downtown that's really amazing."

"Oh, thanks," Barry said, taking the bag. "You want to…" He gestured inside.

Eddie shook his head. "No, I should get back to the department." He put his hands in the pockets of his jacket. "Listen, Barry, about last night—"

"Don't worry about it," Barry said quickly. "Please. You were drunk."

"Yeah, I was," Eddie replied with a grimace. That grimace told Barry everything he needed to know. The regret was clear on Eddie's face. Their almost-kiss had just been a drunken whim after all.

"Can we forget about it?" Barry asked, even though he honestly didn't think that was possible.

Eddie pursed his lips, then smiled a bit. "Sure thing, pal."

Barry lifted the bag of soup. "Thanks, Eddie."

"No problem." He started walking backwards, raising a hand in goodbye, then turned and walked away, and Barry's heart thudded painfully with every step Eddie took.


	28. Drive safely.

"Hey, where you headed?" Barry asked as Eddie blew by him the next day with what looked like a travel bag.

"Starling City Police requested our help on a case they think is connected to one of ours last year," Eddie said. "Singh is sending me and Joe. I thought Joe told you?"

Barry shook his head. "Haven't seen him yet. Drive safely, yeah?"

Eddie nodded, then, after a moment's hesitation, grabbed him in a quick hug and ran off. Barry was too stunned to worry about if anybody had seen that and what they might think. He just watched Eddie walk away, feeling disappointed. He'd been hoping to hang out with Eddie a little, try to smooth over some of the awkwardness from the past couple days.

"Barry, Eddie and I are—"

"Yeah, he just told me," Barry said, turning to face Joe, who had come up beside him.

"Nice to see you out of bed," Joe said.

Barry rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah, uh, sorry about that."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Joe asked. "Cause I know you weren't sick or hungover."

"Not really," Barry said, cringing at the idea. What would he say? _"Joe, I was upset because Eddie almost kissed me. But he was drunk. But he wanted to kiss me. But he was drunk, and he was upset when I didn't let him. And then he seemed regretful, and now everything is awkward. What does it all mean?"_

No. That was not happening.

"Be safe in Starling City, okay?" Barry asked. "That city's rough."

"Hey, those are my lines," Joe said, patting Barry on the arm. "We'll be fine. I'll take care of your guy."

Barry's mouth opened and closed a few times. "He's not—what—I—"

"Don't burn the house down," Joe said, ignoring his stammers and walking away. "I'll see you in a few days."


	29. Well, what do you want to do?

"No, if we move into Scandinavia that'll leave Britain too weak," Barry muttered.

"Well, what do you want to do?" Eddie asked. "If we don't go further into Europe, Cisco will take over from Asia."

"But we have to keep an eye out for Caitlin moving from the west, she's already almost in Greenland."

They were huddled together as Caitlin and Cisco watched them from the other side of the Risk board, eyebrows raised as they waited. Barry was conscious of how his and Eddie's knees were pressed together, and how close their faces were as they whispered.

"We need to solidify a better hold on Africa," Eddie said. "Let's move forces from Western and Southern Europe into North Africa."

"Sounds good," Barry said.

They turned back to the board.

"Ready to accept defeat and bow at the feet of your emperors?" Cisco asked cockily.

"Not without a fight," Barry said as Eddie made their move.

"How cute, they think they can take Africa," Caitlin said.

"We don't think, we know," Eddie replied, then bumped Barry with his shoulder.

Barry grinned and bumped back. It had been a few days since he'd returned from the job in Starling City, and things between them had gone basically back to normal. Except, not-so-deep-down, Barry knew that they couldn't ever go back to normal. Their relationship wasn't sustainable as-is, and it was nagging at him constantly. He'd come to three possible conclusions: Eddie was purposefully leading him on, he was unconsciously flirting with Barry, or he was genuinely interested in him. Regardless of which one was true, Barry couldn't go on like this much longer without knowing. He had to find the courage to say what he needed to say sooner rather than later.


	30. One more chapter.

"Eddie. Eddie," he murmured, nudging the man sitting next to him on the couch.

"Hm?" Eddie roused slightly, lifting his head off the back of the couch.

"You're falling asleep," Barry said, grabbing the remote and pausing the show, which had just begun another episode.

It was Friday night, and Netflix had just added the new season of _The Umbrella Academy_, so they were binging. Barry kept trying to think of what would be the perfect moment to bring up the fact that he had a crush on Eddie, but every time there was a pause in the conversation or an opportunity to say something, his throat closed up.

Eddie grumbled a protest and reached for the remote, but Barry held it out of his reach, causing Eddie to slump across Barry's chest.

"One more episode," Eddie said.

"There's no point if you're just going to fall asleep," Barry said, praying that Eddie wouldn't notice how inhumanly fast his heart was beating.

"One more," Eddie said stubbornly.

Barry laughed and pressed play. As the episode began, Barry expected Eddie to move back into a sitting position, but he just adjusted so that he was still laying on Barry's chest with his arm across Barry's stomach. After some nervous hesitation, Barry settled his left arm over Eddie's side, and a sense of rightness and comfort flooded through him.

Then, five minutes later, Eddie started snoring, so Barry paused the show, but he really didn't want to move. He didn't want to ruin this perfect moment. Barry's arm moved up and down gently with Eddie's breathing, and he resisted the urge to use his other hand to touch Eddie's hair.

Instead, he decided to let Eddie rest. It was a selfless decision, really. He'd give it ten minutes, then insist that Eddie should go to bed.

_Might as well rest my eyes too_, he thought, then drifted off.


	31. Don't worry about me.

"Ugh."

Barry's eyes fluttered open, and he stared into semi-darkness.

Something shifted across Barry's chest, and he realized he didn't recognize his surroundings. And then he did: he was at Eddie's apartment, asleep on the couch, with Eddie sprawled over him. He must've shifted while sleeping, because he was lying down with his legs still off the side of the couch, and Eddie had been practically laying on top of him.

Eddie sat up, rubbing his eyes. "I'm sorry, bud," he mumbled.

"Don't be, I fell asleep too." Barry shifted to a more upright position.

"What time is it?" He looked toward the clock on the wall, which read 3:43. "Damn."

"I'll get out of your hair," Barry said, starting to get up.

Eddie stood up too. "No, don't—it's so late, just stay on the couch."

Barry hesitated. On the one hand, he could get home in two seconds. On the other hand, Eddie didn't know that, and it _was_ very late. And this way he could possibly spend the morning with Eddie.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"Yeah, let me grab some blankets."

Barry stood there awkwardly for a second, waiting for Eddie to come back. Eddie brought over a couple blankets and pillows and set them on the couch.

"Are you gonna be fine? It's not that nice of a couch to sleep on," Eddie said.

"Are you kidding? We got almost four hours in on it already," Barry replied with a grin.

Eddie laughed but still looked slightly concerned.

"Hey, don't worry about me."

"I always worry about you," Eddie said immediately, then pursed his lips. "I mean—"

Barry laughed. "It's just a couch, Eddie."

"I know, I didn't—" Eddie sighed in exasperation. "Quit it, pal!"

Eddie swatted lightly at Barry's shoulder, and Barry kept laughing.

"Goodnight, Barry," he said, then quickly pulled him in for a hug before releasing him and going down the short hallway to his room.

Barry watched him go, then stretched out on the couch and pulled the blankets over himself. His dreams were filled with the feeling of arms around him, the graze of stubble, and the scent of Eddie's cologne.


	32. It looks good on you.

Barry woke the next morning with a really embarrassing erection. He ran to the bathroom and dealt with the problem regrettably quickly, then went back out to the couch. He looked at the clock—8:36—and then turned on the television. He had just started Cupcake Wars on Netflix when Eddie came out into the living room.

"Thought I heard you moving around out here," Eddie said, looking perfectly rumpled. The hair on the right side of his head was pressed flat while the rest stuck out in odd directions.

Barry became aware of the fact that he was only wearing boxers and his undershirt, and he covered his lap with the blanket.

"Thanks for letting me stay," Barry said, looking around for his clothes. "I should—"

"You wanna hang out today?" Eddie asked.

Barry stilled, his hand reaching for his pants where they were in a heap on the floor. "Uh, yeah, sure."

"I can lend you a shirt." Eddie disappeared back to his room, and Barry slipped into his pants.

"Here you go," Eddie said, tossing a tee at him.

Barry caught it in his hands. He swapped shirts, resisting the urge to turn around like he was an embarrassed child in the locker room. He looked up when he was done and blushed when he saw Eddie staring.

"It looks good on you," Eddie said.

Barry glanced down at the shirt. It was a plain shirt, forest green in color. It was a little loose in the shoulders, but otherwise fit fine, and he figured from experience that the color brought out his eyes.

Barry smiled. "Thanks. So, what's the plan for today?"

"Hmm." Eddie looked down thoughtfully for a few moments, then grinned. "I have an idea."


	33. Close your eyes and hold out your hands.

"Are you ever gonna tell me where we're going?" Barry asked, looking over at Eddie.

Eddie grinned, and it took Barry's breath away. It was a miraculously cloudless January day, with the sunshine tinting their surroundings in warm hues. The light glinted off Eddie's hair, his skin, his smile, and everything was golden.

Barry swallowed and looked out the windshield again. "Well?" he asked, clearing his throat.

"You'll see," Eddie said, then took the next exit off the highway.

Eddie hadn't told him what his idea was for the day. They'd eaten breakfast and watched another few episodes of _The Umbrella Academy_, and then Eddie said it was about time to go. The only thing Barry could tell was that Eddie was taking them to the other side of Central City. Maybe he could figure out—

"Close your eyes."

"What?" Barry asked, startled.

"Come on, don't make me blindfold you," Eddie said with another grin.

"Well, that's kin—" He stopped himself, but Eddie's waggling eyebrows told him he'd understood what Barry was about to say.

Barry closed his eyes with a huff only so he could force himself to not look at Eddie anymore. Not that he didn't like looking at Eddie. It was actually the opposite problem.

Eddie drove for several more minutes. Barry considered charting their route in his mind—he ran these streets for a semi-living, after all—but he didn't want to ruin Eddie's surprise. There were little butterflies in his chest, which he supposed he should be embarrassed about, but he wanted, for once, to just be wholly present with Eddie and not focus on his worries.

Not to mention that it kind of felt like a date, and he really wanted to fantasize, if just for a little.

Finally, they parked. "Keep them closed," Eddie commanded. "And hold out your hands."

Barry raised his eyebrows but did as he was told. Eddie opened and closed the glove box, then placed something made of hard, textured plastic in his hands. It had long appendages, and Barry realized it was a creature. There was a tail, then two legs and two arms, and a head. That really narrowed it down. He felt the claws on the arms and legs and the teeth in the jaw.

"Is it a dinosaur?" he asked.

"Open your eyes!"

Barry opened his eyes and saw a velociraptor figurine sitting in his hands, then looked up to see they were parked in the parking lot for the Museum of Natural History.

"Oh wow, I haven't been here since I was a kid!" Barry exclaimed, laughing.

Eddie's face fell just slightly. "You've been here before?"

"Yeah, tons when I was younger. I loved it! Joe eventually refused to keep bringing me here," Barry said. "Are we going in?"

Eddie smiled brightly and nodded. Barry drummed excitedly on the dashboard and then all but leapt out of the car.

"Have you had this planned or something?" Barry asked as they crossed the street.

"Yeah, kind of," Eddie said, with a conspiratorial smile. "I've been waiting for the perfect moment."


	34. That's okay. I bought two.

After the museum, where Eddie had paid for both their tickets, they went to the nearby park and Barry immediately locked himself in a disgusting single-toilet bathroom. He stared hard at himself in the mirror.

_What am I doing?_ he thought despairingly.

Being at the museum was amazing. They picked up a couple maps and some self-guided tour headsets and wandered around together. Even not talking, it felt more intimate than any date Barry had ever been to before. It was in the glances, the soft tugs and touches before they moved on to another exhibit, the standing unnecessarily close together.

"You have a crush on Eddie," he whispered to himself in the mirror, admitting it out loud for the first time. "You have a crush on your former crush's ex-boyfriend, who is also your adoptive father's partner."

_And you're a secret speedster superhero, if things weren't complicated enough_, an unhelpful voice added in his head.

Barry hung his head, but finally came to a resolution. He had to say something, sooner rather than later, otherwise it was all going to build up and eventually explode.

He washed his hands in lightning speed and left to rejoin Eddie. He found the blond man standing by a coffee stand with a cup in his hand.

"Coffee?" Barry asked as he approached.

"Don't worry, I bought two," Eddie said, turning and holding up the cup that had been hidden by his side.

"Thanks," Barry said, wrapping his hands around it.

Despite the sun, it was still crisp and cold out, and their breath clouded lightly in front of them. They walked together through the park in comfortable silence, each sipping on their drinks. After about ten minutes, when they'd recycled their drink cups, Barry felt Eddie take his hand. He stiffened, but curled his fingers around Eddie's hand, too chicken to look at him. His heart felt like it was going to burst.

He stopped walking, still holding onto Eddie's hand, and they faced each other.

"I need to talk to you," they said at the same time.


	35. After you.

They stared at each other for a moment, then started laughing. Their faces were pink both from the cold and from embarrassment.

"After you," Barry said quietly.

Eddie nodded slowly, biting his lips. "Okay. First…God, I don't know what to say first. I even rehearsed this."

Barry's heart quickened like a schoolchild's, which he cursed himself for.

"I _like_ you, Barry," Eddie said, staring at their joined hands. "I didn't mean to. God knows us being friends is complicated enough, and I don't want to put more strain on your relationship with the Wests, but I had to say something. I couldn't keep going on like this without…without acknowledging it, you know?"

"I know," Barry choked out. "Believe me, I know. I've been freaking out about…about what ever this is since, well, since the beginning, really. I didn't know how to process how I felt, how I should feel, how I was allowed to feel."

"And how _do_ you feel?" Eddie asked cautiously.

Barry laughed. "Isn't it obvious?" At Eddie's pouting expression, he added, "I like you, Eddie. I really like you. It scares me how much I like you."

Eddie took a step closer, and for a second Barry thought he was going to kiss him, but instead he wrapped him up in a tight hug, and Barry knew that's exactly what they needed in that moment. He buried his head in Eddie's shoulder and smiled so big it hurt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chorus of Taylor Swift's new song Cruel Summer gives me major Thallen feels. I wrote this story before it came out, but the line "I love you, ain't that the worst thing you ever heard?" always makes me think of this scene.
> 
> ~Ki


	36. We'll figure it out.

Barry couldn't stop staring at their hands, fingers interlocked and resting on the center console of Eddie's car. He couldn't believe they'd been in this same car just four months ago when Iris had—

Iris.

"I don't mean to break the bubble in less than, like, an hour," Barry started slowly.

"So don't," Eddie replied, but Barry could tell he didn't mean it.

"But, how is this going to work?"

"We'll figure it out."

"But how?" Barry asked, letting go of Eddie's hand in panic. "You're Joe's partner. I'm Joe's kind-of son. You're Iris' ex-boyfriend. Ex-_serious_-boyfriend, and I spent most of my life being in love with her." He paused, panicking even more. "Wait. You knew that, right?"

Eddie chuckled, but there wasn't much humor to it. "Yeah, I'd figured it out."

"So how is this even going to be possible?" Barry asked despairingly. He slumped in the passenger seat, his knees jammed against the glovebox, and stared sullenly out the window.

Eddie was quiet for a long moment, and Barry feared that he'd ruined it before it had even really begun.

"I was going to propose to her," Eddie said quietly.

Barry's head whipped around, eyes wide.

"I planned to marry her," he continued. "I had a ring on hold, was paying installments every month."

"I didn't know," Barry said breathlessly. "Oh, god, Eddie, how can we—"

"I imagined spending the rest of my life with her, I was that committed," Eddie continued, not acknowledging him. "But if she came back right now, said she was wrong, said she wanted me and only me for the rest of our lives, I'd still want to be here with you."

"You can't mean that," Barry protested, shaking his head. "It's just the excitement of something new, the heat of the moment—"

"I know how I feel, Barry," Eddie said firmly, glancing over at him before looking back at the road. "I know this is complicated. I don't have any delusions about that. I know it's going to be hard and an uphill battle. But I think this is worth it. Do you?"

Barry looked at him, looked at the sun lighting his golden features from behind, thought about the past few months, and nodded.

"Yes, I do."


	37. Can I kiss you?

Eddie pulled up along the curb two houses down from Barry's.

"I feel like a sixteen-year-old," Barry muttered.

"Well I should walk you to the door, then, shouldn't I?" Eddie asked.

Barry shoved him, and they both laughed. Their hands found each other, and Barry's face flushed again.

"This is worth it," Eddie repeated. "You're worth it."

"You are too," Barry said.

Barry looked out the windshield up the block, but couldn't see his house from here. The thrill of secrecy crept over him, and he really did feel like a sixteen-year-old who went out on a forbidden date. And while there was no way he was having Eddie walk him to the door—or even pull up in front of the house—there was something he wanted.

He squeezed Eddie's hands. "Can…can I kiss you?"

Barry dragged his eyes up to Eddie's, which were wide and so very blue. Eddie's mouth had parted a little in surprise, and Barry pursed his to resist the urge to kiss him right away.

Eddie swallowed. "Yeah. Yes. Please."

Barry unbuckled and shifted in the seat, leaning forward. He lifted a hand to the side of Eddie's face, feeling the light stubble under his fingers. Eddie's hand hovered in the air between them, unsure, while their other hands clung tightly together.

Their breath mingled for a beat, then their lips hesitantly touched before pulling apart. They paused nervously, heartbeats stuttering in their chests. Barry could barely hear anything over the rushing of blood in his veins as they tilted toward each other again.

This time there was more determination as their lips pressed chastely together over and over, and that quickly gave way to insistency. Fire erupted in Barry's belly as Eddie's free hand finally found purchase on the back of his neck. Eddie's lips dragged against his, and Barry could barely resist a moan of relief that this was finally, _finally_ happening, and it felt even better than he'd imagined.

Eddie's mouth opened slightly with his next kisses, and Barry reciprocated eagerly. The first slide of their tongues against each other cancelled all remaining thoughts in Barry's brain. There were no coherent thoughts anymore, just mindless buzzing and instinct and Eddie Eddie _Eddie_.

After several long moments, and only because they were both so light-headed they felt like they might pass out, they finally pulled apart.

"Yeah," Eddie said once he pulled his head down from the clouds, "definitely worth it."

"Now I really feel like I'm sixteen again," Barry mumbled, pursing his swollen lips.

"Want to keep walking down memory lane?" Eddie asked as he pressed their foreheads together.

Barry kissed him quickly, using all the strength he had to pull away. "Soon. But not today."

Eddie whined, and Barry laughed and kissed him again.

"See you tomorrow?" Barry asked.

"I'll text you," Eddie said, then pulled him in for another kiss. He blew out a breath. "That's gonna be a problem."

Barry frowned. "What?"

"It seems I'm addicted," he murmured. He kissed Barry slowly, sliding their mouths and tongues together with a sensuality that would've knocked Barry to his knees if he'd been standing.

Barry pulled away a moment later, once again dizzy. "That's not fair."

Eddie grinned and released him. "Go on, then. I'll see you tomorrow."

Barry pecked him once more, then opened the car door and slid out. He stooped over to see into the car, smiling widely at Eddie, then closed the door and began walking up the sidewalk toward his house. He glanced behind him several times as he walked, trying to make himself believe that the day hadn't been a dream.

Once he was finally in the house, he pressed his back against the front door and slid down to the floor, his hands over his burning face.

_Yeah, I'm definitely sixteen again._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for being so patient with these idiots! They've finally made it, but don't worry—there's a lot more in store for them =)
> 
> ~Ki


	38. I like your laugh.

It had been a week since the day at the museum, their first date. They hadn't told anybody, though Barry'd had to come up with some hefty lies when Caitlin and Cisco called him after Eddie dropped him off. His vitals had spiked so severely when kissing Eddie that they thought he'd been under attack.

They were hanging out even more than ever, though, which was something nobody would've thought possible. Barry felt a little bad for ignoring his friends all week, but between work and crime-fighting it felt like he barely had any time with Eddie as it was. Besides, they were in the honeymoon phase, they were entitled to live in a bubble for at least a little while.

And honestly, Barry was terrified of what would happen when they actually came out of the bubble.

Barry was snapped from his reverie by Eddie slapping him on the chest and laughing out loud. He turned his attention back to _Parks and Rec_, and saw that Ken Hotate had just "broken" Ben's curse. He smiled, thinking about how much he liked Eddie's laugh, then remembered he could actually express these things to him now.

"I like your laugh," he said, smiling at his probably-boyfriend (they hadn't talked labels yet).

Eddie grinned at him. "I like your face."

"Oh yeah?" Barry replied.

Eddie leaned in, his lips hovering over Barry's. "Yeah."


	39. Don't cry.

Barry's heart was thudding heavily in his chest. _Eddie's okay_, he reminded himself, _Joe said he's okay_. But he found he couldn't believe it until he saw Eddie with his own eyes. He pounded frantically on Eddie's door, managing to restrain himself from super-speed knocking and breaking the door down.

He heard footsteps on the other side, then the lock turned, and a haggard-looking Eddie appeared in the doorway. Barry made a strangled noise and stepped inside, wrapping Eddie up in his arms.

"Hey, pal," Eddie croaked.

Barry held him for several long moments, then pulled away and looked at him. There was a bruise and a cut on his cheekbone, the way he dipped his shoulder implied that it had been twisted, and the exhaustion in his eyes told of recent adrenaline and fear.

"Are you okay?" he asked despite the obvious.

Eddie reached behind him and closed the door. "Yeah, Barry, didn't Joe tell you that?"

"Yeah, but…"

"You had to see for yourself?" Eddie smiled.

Barry nodded, remembering the sinking in his gut when Joe called to tell him what happened.

"_He's okay, but we sent him home for the next couple days_," Joe had prefaced. While Barry had been dealing with a metahuman on the outskirts of town, the police were handling an armed robbery gone wrong. Eddie got tangled up in it and was taken hostage for three hours before the department brought it all down.

Eddie walked over to the couch, and Barry followed him, finding he didn't want Eddie farther than two feet away from him. If that metahuman hadn't—If he'd known—If he'd gotten there—

"Stop," Eddie said as he sat down.

"What?"

"I can see you thinking 'what if,' and there's no point," Eddie said, reaching out and taking his hand. "I'm fine."

"But—"

"Maybe in some parallel universe I'm not, but in this one I am," Eddie told him, bringing Barry's hand up and kissing his knuckles.

Barry pursed his lips, eyes focusing on the bruise on Eddie's cheekbone. To his surprise, he felt tears well up as he thought about what could've happened.

"Hey now, don't cry," Eddie said softly, scooting closer to him and taking Barry's face in his hands.

Barry leaned forward and pressed his face into Eddie's neck, wrapping his arms gingerly around him. "I'm sorry. I was just so scared when Joe called. He said you were okay, but I couldn't stop thinking what if you weren't. I don't know what I…how would I…"

"I'm right here," Eddie said. "I'm always gonna be right here."

"You mean too much to me," Barry said. "And I know that's stupid. We haven't known each other that long, we've been seeing each other less than a month, but you're so important to me, Eddie."

"I understand," Eddie whispered. "I feel the same way."


	40. I made this for you.

"Knock knock."

Barry looked up from where he was stooped over one of his lab tables, a smile brightening his face when he saw it was Eddie. Eddie leaned against the doorframe, his eyes sparkling and trained on Barry. It was his first day back since the hostage situation, and Barry couldn't believe he was here.

"Why didn't you tell me you were coming back to work today?" Barry asked, walking forward.

"I wanted to surprise you," Eddie replied, closing the lab door behind him.

They met each other in the middle, and after a quick glance over Eddie's shoulder to make sure the door was closed, Barry grabbed him and kissed him. Eddie's arms came around his middle, and Barry sighed with content.

"Well, sir," Barry said, stepping out of Eddie's arms, "you're lucky I did this early."

"Did what?"

Barry went to his desk, opened up the locked drawer, and pulled out a handmade card.

"I made this for you," Barry said with a grin, holding the card out.

Eddie raised his eyebrows suspiciously, then took it from Barry's hands. It was a basic card, made out of folded printer paper and written on with crayon. The front cover read, "Congrats on not dying," with a crude illustration of a bank and robbers. He flipped it open, and it said, "DON'T EVER SCARE ME LIKE THAT AGAIN," with smaller letters underneath that read, "I would've missed your face."

"Aw, that's so sweet," Eddie said. "Where'd you get the crayons?"

"Parker's desk is full of them from when his kid visits," Barry replied.

"This is great. I'm going to hang this above my desk," Eddie said, turning toward the door.

"Eddie, no!" Barry exclaimed, laughing as he caught up to him.

"Nah, you're right, I can't display this."

"And why not?" Barry asked, sounding mildly offended even though he'd just protested displaying it.

Eddie pointed to the smaller words on the inside of the card. "You forgot something."

"What?"

"Well you'd obviously miss my ass too."

Barry swatted his arm, and they burst into laughter.


	41. Go back to sleep.

The last thing Barry knew, he was watching Leslie Knope debate Bobby Newport, and now he was suddenly cradled in Eddie's arms and being carried.

"Wha—?" he mumbled.

"Shh, it's okay," Eddie said.

"Ed…why…"

"Go back to sleep," Eddie whispered.

Barry found he couldn't, though, because his curiosity was getting the better of him. Where was Eddie taking him? Then he was set down on what was clearly a mattress, and his eyes almost bugged out of his head.

"Do you want to take your pants off or should I?"

"Wh-What?" Barry stuttered. They hadn't had sex yet, and yes Barry wanted to, but he was still nervous. He'd had sex before, but never with someone who had his own anatomy, and he was afraid of getting something wrong, and he was still half-asleep and it wasn't the right time and—

"You can sleep in jeans if you want to, but I don't think that'll be very comfortable," Eddie said, taking off his own jeans and exchanging them for sweatpants.

"Oh." Relief flooded through Barry, followed by embarrassment. He couldn't believe he thought Eddie was going to try to bed him right then and there. He shuffled out of his jeans and threw them onto the floor, then gratefully caught the pair of sweatpants that Eddie tossed to him.

Eddie crawled into bed beside him as Barry pulled the covers over himself. He still felt a little wired from his panic just moments earlier, but the gentle way Eddie was looking at him calmed him some. Barry reached out and stroked Eddie's jaw, something he loved doing. There was just something about the texture of Eddie's stubble under Barry's fingers that he just adored.

Eddie shifted forward and kissed Barry lightly, then moved to pull away, but Barry put his hand behind Eddie's head and kept him there. He opened his mouth slightly, and Eddie accepted the invitation. The kiss grew deeper, and their bodies moved closer to each other.

Barry's hand skirted down Eddie's side until he reached the bottom of his nightshirt, and his fingers danced on the exposed skin there. Eddie's skin was warm to the touch, and Barry continued exploring underneath Eddie's shirt until suddenly Eddie broke the kiss and ripped off his shirt in one fluid motion.

Mouth open in shock for one moment, Barry quickly recovered and grabbed hungrily at Eddie's exposed skin as he kissed him again and again. Eddie's own hands hiked Barry's shirt up until it was around his middle, his fingers pushing and pulling across the skin and muscles.

Barry took his shirt off too, and the feeling of their bare chests touching was more exhilarating that Barry could have anticipated. He could feel his growing erection, but exhaustion burned behind his eyes, and he still didn't think he was ready to go all the way.

He slowed the pacing of their kisses, and Eddie seemed to get the message. His hands slowed to a soothing rhythm across Barry's shoulders, and their breathing soon became more relaxed as they exchanged lazy kisses until they each dropped off to sleep.


	42. Is this okay?

Barry woke up the next morning drooling on his sorta-boyfriend's bare chest. His brain was foggy for a moment until he remembered their epic make out last night, and his heart rate spiked. He tried to slowly move off of Eddie's chest but found that Eddie's arm was locked around his waist. Reaching around with the arm that wasn't pinned to his side, he attempted to gently pry Eddie's fingers off of him, but as soon as he moved one finger Eddie grunted and opened his eyes.

"Morning," Barry said, feeling guilty for some reason.

"Morning," Eddie replied with an amused expression.

"Um." Barry suddenly felt self-conscious. He was half-lying on top of Eddie, they were both shirtless, and they were in Eddie's bed together. It was incredibly intimate, and he was deeply aware of that. "Is…Is this okay?" Barry asked.

"Yeah, Bar," Eddie replied, bringing one hand to the side of Barry's face. "It's more than okay."

Eddie tilted his head up and pressed a kiss to Barry's lips, and pure joy exploded in Barry's chest. They kept exchanging kisses, but it didn't get more heated than that. Barry found that was okay, though. He couldn't remember a time when he was this peaceful, this relaxed, this comfortable with a person, and he thought that was almost better than sex. It was intimacy on another level.


	43. I picked these for you.

"Great work today, Barry!" Caitlin called as he whipped through the control room at S.T.A.R. Labs.

_I'm late, I'm late, I'm late_, Barry chanted in his head as he changed into his street clothes.

Cisco came into the room, arms open with a grin on his face. "Wanna grab Big Be—No, guess not," he muttered, watching glumly as Barry raced back away.

Barry appeared again another minute later. "Sorry, guys, next time!" Barry exclaimed, then was gone again.

_I'm the worst, I'm the worst, I'm the worst_, was the new chant going in his head as he ran to Eddie's apartment. He crisscrossed through town, under bridges, over buildings, between cars, until he finally made it to Eddie's block. He checked his watch, saw that he was fifteen minutes late, and ran at a normal speed—for other people, that was—up the stairs of Eddie's apartment building.

He took a deep breath, then knocked.

"There you are," Eddie said when he opened the door moments later. "You really are always late, aren't you?"

"Sorry," Barry said, giving him a quick kiss, "a thing with Caitlin and Cisco ran late."

"No worries, I figured you'd be late. The lasagna should be done any minute now," Eddie told him. "Hey, Happy Valentine's Day."

Barry smiled brightly at him as Eddie closed the door, then slid one hand over the back of Eddie's neck, leaned down, and kissed him for real. Eddie sighed happily against his mouth and leaned against him, one hand running down Barry's free arm until he reached his hand and intertwined their fingers.

The oven alarm started beeping, and Eddie began to pull away, but Barry held him close, using their joined hands to pull Eddie's arm behind his own back, forcing Eddie to take a step forward until their chests were touching.

Eddie started laughing and turned his head, so Barry kissed his cheek instead.

"As much as I want to keep kissing you, the lasagna's gonna burn," Eddie pointed out. "And I don't think we want a reenactment of that chicken."

"Fine," Barry sighed, letting him go. Eddie grinned and slapped his shoulder, then went into the kitchen.

Eddie served their dinner, complete with a complimentary wine and salad, and since they felt too fancy they decided to watch _Robin Hood: Men in Tights_ to de-class it. Barry sat cuddled up to Eddie, and, not for the first time, marveled at how natural and right being with Eddie felt.

Once the movie was over and the dishes were washed, Barry leaned against the kitchen counter, rubbing the back of his neck.

"So," he said.

"So," Eddie said back, "are you spending the night?"

Barry blushed. He'd spent nearly every night at Eddie's place for the past two weeks, but he still felt like an easily-embarrassed college freshman whenever it was brought up.

"If you'll have me," Barry said.

"Of course," Eddie replied, walking over and kissing him softly. "Happy Valentine's Day," he murmured.

"Happy Valentine's Day," Barry replied.

Eddie kissed him again, then said, "I got something for you."

Barry perked up, his eyebrows raising in excitement. "Yeah? But I didn't get you anything."

"It's nothing major," Eddie replied, motioning for Barry to follow him as he began walking toward the bedroom.

Once in the room, Eddie opened a top drawer in his dresser and pulled out a new pair of socks.

"I picked these up for you," he said, holding them out. "I was worried your feet might be cold in the mornings, and I saw them and thought of you, and so…"

Barry reached out and took the socks. They were soft, ankle high, and black with a pattern of chemistry symbols across them. Barry couldn't tell Eddie that he didn't get cold feet of the literal nature thanks to being a speedster, but even if he could he didn't think he'd have the heart. Also, he loved them.

"That's so sweet," Barry said, smiling as he broke the plastic tabs that held the socks together.

"You like them?" Eddie asked.

"I love them," Barry replied, and Eddie's smile turned out to be the better present.


	44. I'll drive you to the hospital.

"What now?" Barry asked, trying to look over Eddie's shoulder at the cookbook on the counter.

"Julienne the carrots," Eddie answered.

"That's the really thin slices, right?"

"Right," Eddie replied. "And make sure they're all the same thickness, or else Bobby Flay will be disappointed in you."

Barry laughed. They'd started watching _Worst Cooks in America_ as a joke but found it was actually hilarious. He grabbed the knife and one of the peeled carrots and started to carefully slice them. They were by no means the same thickness, but at least he was trying.

Eddie stood next to him, opening up the cupboard, and reaching up for a bowl. His shirt hem rode up, exposing the delicious strip of flesh just above his waistband, and Barry swallowed, eyes fixed—

"Shit!" Barry exclaimed, dropping the knife and holding his hand. His hand kept chopping while he'd been distracted, and now his hand was bleeding. He'd sliced the side of his thumb. Barry dropped the knife and wrapped his other hand around it tightly. It would heal in a minute, he knew, but—

"Oh my god, let me see," Eddie said, reaching out, but Barry pulled his hands away.

"No, it's really not bad," Barry replied.

"Bar, you're bleeding!" Eddie pointed, and Barry looked down to see a thin line of blood trickling out the side of his fist where it was gripping his injured thumb.

"It looks worse than it is," Barry tried saying.

"I'll drive you to the hospital." Eddie walked toward the front door, grabbing his car keys and reaching for his jacket.

"Eddie, please, I promise I'm alright. I heal quick," Barry said, not lying. "Just give me a bandaid and I'll be fine."

Eddie stared at him skeptically, then finally gave in to Barry's pleading look. He set the keys back down on the entrance table and walked over.

"Fine. Will you at least let me put the bandaid on?" Eddie asked.

"Yes, yes," Barry replied, then sneaked a peek at his thumb while Eddie retrieved the first aid kit from the cupboard. Like he thought, the cut had already scabbed and was healing at the ends. Stifling a groan, he speedily ripped off the scab and re-cut his thumb, although shallower this time.

When Eddie turned around, he hadn't noticed a thing. "Princess, monster, or superhero?" he asked, holding up the box of bandaids.

"Superhero, duh," Barry said, grinning stupidly at the inside joke only he understood.


	45. What do you want to watch?

Barry tried sniffling surreptitiously as Leslie smiled at the camera and said, "Yes, I'm ready." The credits rolled, showing some outtakes of the _Parks and Rec _series finale, and Eddie glanced over at him.

"Are you crying?" he asked teasingly.

"It's emotional!" Barry exclaimed.

"I still can't believe you'd never seen it before," Eddie replied.

Barry shrugged. "I'd heard it was good, I'd just never set aside the time to watch it."

"Well, what do you want to watch now?" Eddie asked.

"Let's watch something I've seen and you haven't," Barry decided.

"Good luck." Eddie grinned. "I don't mean to brag, but I watch a lot of television."

Barry shoved him playfully. "Good to know you're melting your brain."

"That's a myth."

"For now."

Eddie laughed and rolled his eyes, then handed Barry the remote so he could scroll through the options. As Eddie settled back against him, Barry marveled at the fact that this was his life. He had someone who he trusted, who he cared about, who he could kiss any time he wanted to. And that person was Eddie. He'd never expected to have his life go in this direction, but he'd try his damnedest not to mess it up.


	46. You can go first.

The alarm blared, sounding its fake bell chime into the morning air with the mercilessness of the grim reaper. There was always something particularly gruesome about alarms on Friday mornings. Barry groaned and rolled away from Eddie, reaching over and fumbling with his phone until he turned it off. Once the screen cleared, he saw he had a notification. It was a text message, sent last night, and it was from Iris.

Barry sat up abruptly, taking the blankets with him, which caused Eddie to grumble and whine, pulling on the covers to try to win them back.

It was a simple text, nothing to really freak out over. It simply read, "Hey, how are you?" But the answer to that question was a little more complicated than what she probably expected, and most of that was tangled up in the person who was lying next to him.

He hadn't seen Iris in over a month. She'd been back from her trip for a couple of weeks, but when he didn't hear from her he figured she didn't want to see him. It had hurt, but he wasn't sure what he'd do if she did want to see him. He was now dating her ex-boyfriend, making out with him, staying in his bed—

A shudder rippled through him as he thought about the fact that Iris had definitely slept in this bed, probably had sex with Eddie in this bed. He shuddered again, groaning a little this time as he dropped the phone into his lap and pressed his hands to his forehead.

"What is it babe?" Eddie's hand snaked over and grabbed the phone before Barry could stop him without superspeed. He watched Eddie's face, eyes scrunched up against the brightness of the phone screen, and watched his face contort with various emotions.

"Barry, we—"

"I don't—"

They'd started speaking at the same time, and a silence settled over their shoulders.

"You can go first," Barry said softly.

"I think we have a good thing going here," Eddie said, setting down the phone and taking Barry's hand in one of his. "A really good thing. And I don't want to have to hide it anymore, if you're okay with that. But I know it's way more complicated than it sounds, and I don't want to rush into it. Telling everyone means telling _everyone_, and it's…it's gonna be so hard—"

"But it's gonna be so worth it," Barry finished.

Eddie smiled at him. "Yeah. It will."

Barry ran a hand through his hair. "It's not even just announcing our relationship, it's also announcing that we're…gay?" He shook his head. That wasn't right.

"I've been doing some research about sexual identities," Eddie said. "There's a lot of different labels out there. Bisexual, pansexual, polysexual, ambisexual, and so on. And there are people who don't like labels, of course."

Barry's head was spinning slightly. He'd only really heard of four: lesbian, gay, bisexual, and straight. But the world was full of a lot of different people, so he supposed there had to be a lot of different identities. These were things he'd never really thought about before. Sure, his high school fling with a classmate had informed him that he wasn't straight, but he'd never given it much more thought because he always thought Iris was the one for him.

"And?" Barry said.

"I think I like 'bi' for myself," Eddie said. "But yeah, I get what you mean. It's coming out on two levels."

Barry nodded slowly. "So what do we do?"

"We think about it, and we take it slowly," Eddie replied.

"What did I do to deserve you?" Barry asked, leaning over.

"Absolutely nothing," Eddie answered, grinning as Barry crawled over him, lowering his body until they were touching. "I do this out of charity."

"Liar," Barry whispered, kissing the underside of Eddie's jaw.

Eddie exhaled unevenly, closing his yes. "Yeah."


	47. Did you get my letter?

The Sunday morning sunlight streamed through the window, and Barry woke up feeling groggy but content. He reached for Eddie, but Eddie's side of the bed was empty. He brushed his hands along the sheets and felt only a little warmth leftover. So Eddie had left a while ago, but not terribly long. Barry pulled the covers up to his chin and closed his eyes, wondering if he could fall back asleep until Eddie inevitably came back, but to no avail.

He sat up, put on the fuzzy socks Eddie had bought for him, and got out of bed. The kitchen was empty too, and he felt a little disappointed. He'd been half-expecting Eddie to have some breakfast surprise ready for him.

Barry collapsed onto the couch and turned on the television, deciding to watch a random episode of Friends while he waited. He didn't pay much attention to the show, spending most of his energy wondering where Eddie was.

_Did he just step out? Did he get called in to work? Does he expect me to leave or to stay? Is he coming back?_

Halfway through the episode, he paused the show and got up to grab his phone from the bedroom to check if Eddie had texted him, and that was when the lock turned and the door opened.

"Oh good, you're up!" Eddie said cheerily when he shouldered the door open, carrying two bags of groceries. "Sorry, it took longer than I expected. Who knew there would be a rush at the grocery store at eight in the morning on a Wednesday?"

"Why'd you go to the grocery store?"

Eddie paused on his way to the kitchen, looking confused. "Didn't you read my letter?"

"Your letter?" Barry repeated with raised eyebrows.

"I left it on my pillow," Eddie replied, putting the grocery bags on the counter.

Barry started laughing. "Why would I look on your pillow?"

"Cause I thought that's where you'd look when I wasn't there!"

"Why didn't you just text me?"

"I thought a letter would be more romantic," Eddie mumbled, frowning slightly.

"Hold on, I'll go read it," Barry said, shaking his head with a smile. He resumed his original trajectory toward the bedroom and, sure enough, saw the letter sitting on Eddie's pillow.

It read, _Dear Barry, In case I'm not back by the time you wake up, I went to the grocery store. Don't ask why, because it's a surprise, and because I'm a great boyfriend who does things like this._

Barry's chest expanded as he read the word 'boyfriend.' He read it again and again, then just stared at that one word, feeling embarrassed at how damn happy it made him feel.

He walked out of the bedroom, letter in hand, and stared at Eddie, who was making something in the kitchen. He realized that Eddie really was making him a breakfast surprise after all, but that paled in comparison to the dropping of the b-word in the letter.

"You're my boyfriend?" Barry asked.

Eddie stilled, holding the mixing bowl and whisk and looking up at him with surprise. "What? I…oh. Yeah. I guess that slipped out." He set the mixing bowl down. "I know we haven't talked about it, and I'm fine with no labels or with different labels—"

Barry crossed the room in a few strides, barely containing the urge to use his superspeed, and kissed Eddie full on the mouth, his hands gripping either side of Eddie's face. The letter floated to the ground, momentarily forgotten.

"Boyfriend," Barry murmured against Eddie's lips. "You're my boyfriend."

"And you're mine?" Eddie asked, hands on the back of Barry's shirt.

"You bet your ass I am," Barry replied, and the two boyfriends grinned at each other.


	48. I'll do it for you.

"Well, it's official," Barry said as he walked inside Eddie's apartment. "I don't have a single shirt left at my house. This is my last one."

"You need to buy more shirts," Eddie replied.

"What I need," Barry countered, "is to do laundry and take some of my clothes home. The pile in the corner is getting a little more than out of hand."

"I'll do it for you."

Barry stared at him. "What?"

"I'll do your laundry," Eddie elaborated, shrugging nonchalantly. "It's here already, and I'm here more than you are."

"Barely."

"True." Eddie grinned. "Still, I can do at least some of it for you."

"Are you sure we're ready for that?" Barry asked, donning a dubious expression. "Seems a little fast. You'd have to touch my dirty underwear."

"You dork," Eddie said, lightly shoving him.

"I'm serious," Barry replied. "I don't think I'm ready for that level of domesticity."

"Fine, I won't do it if you're gonna get weird about it!" Eddie threw his hands up and walked toward the living room. Barry chased after him, wrapping his arms around Eddie's waist from behind and hooking his chin over Eddie's shoulder.

"Please do my laundry," Barry said.

"Okay, now that sounds weird," Eddie replied. "I'm not your maid."

"You're right, you're my boyfriend." Barry grinned. He'd been saying it every chance he could for the past few days. "We're bucking all the stereotypes."

"I will do one load and one load only."

"Now it sounds like I'm forcing you to do it when you're the one who offered!" Barry exclaimed.

Eddie rolled his eyes and turned in Barry's arms to face him. "Okay, you wanna know something?"

"Always."

"Well, my dad always did the laundry in my house growing up, and it made my mom really happy. She said she'd always hated doing laundry, and when they got married and moved in together he just started doing it without her asking him. He knew she hated it and so he did it for her, no questions asked, even though his buddies all said stupid shit about him being the real woman in the relationship." Eddie rolled his eyes. "So anyway, I just…I don't know, I just wanted to do something nice for you."

Barry stared at him. "That is the sweetest story about laundry that I've ever heard."

"You're a dick." Eddie said, rolling his eyes. He started to remove Barry's arms from around him, but Barry held fast.

"No, really! I'm sorry, I mean it," he said sincerely. "That's really sweet. Please do my laundry. I won't get weird about it. It would be a really big help."

Eddie smiled up at him. "You mean it?"

"Yeah of course."

They smiled at each other, then kissed, and then Eddie went into the bedroom to gather Barry's pile of clothing. Barry smiled, watching as his boyfriend began to load the washer with clothes, and thought about how domestic it truly felt, and how much he liked that feeling.


	49. Call me when you get home.

"Still here?"

Barry startled, almost dropped a test tube, but luckily caught it before it shattered on the ground. Eddie let himself into Barry's lab, closing the door behind him.

"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you," Eddie said as he approached, a warm smile on his handsome face.

"No, I was just too focused," Barry replied. He set the test tube back in its stand and stepped away from the table, removing his gloves and goggles so he could rub his eyes.

"Gonna be a long night?" Eddie asked.

"Yeah." Barry nodded. "I'm sorry, we're gonna have to reschedule dinner."

"I can wait."

Barry shook his head. "I don't know how long it's going to take, and I told Singh I'd have it ready by the morning. I think I'll just go home tonight when I'm done."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I haven't been there in a long time, and Joe gets lonely when I'm not there," Barry answered. "Also, I think he's suspicious."

That was an understatement, really. Joe had been suspicious before Barry even recognized his feelings for what they were. Now that he and Eddie were dating, that he was spending practically every night at Eddie's, that he was hardly ever seen without Eddie… Well, Joe would be a pretty poor detective if he hasn't figured it out yet.

"At least you have clean clothes to take home," Eddie pointed out with a grin.

Barry laughed looking down at the button-up he was wearing that Eddie had washed yesterday. "Yes, yes. But, uh…speaking of Joe," he continued, "I think, maybe, he should be the first one we tell. If you're okay with that."

"You're sure?" Eddie asked, resting a hand on the back of Barry's head. "I've read family can be the hardest to tell."

"Yeah, but Joe's always been the person I could trust most," Barry replied. "He knows all my secrets, and it feels wrong to not tell him about this one. Plus, he might already know."

Eddie thought in silence for a moment. "He has been asking me how I am lately."

"And?"

"And he never asks me how I am," Eddie replied. "He usually just tells me, 'Shut up and do your job, Thawne,' whenever I try to talk about my personal life."

"Well, you were dating his daughter," Barry said before he thought better of it, but a shadow didn't even pass Eddie's eyes at the mention of Iris.

"And now his son," Eddie pointed out.

Barry grimaced. "Don't say it that way. It makes it weird."

"It's true though."

"Only kind of," Barry said. "Adoptive father, but I'm not even legally adopted. Iris is not my sister."

"That would've made your crush on her reeeeally skeevy."

Barry shuddered. "Okay, that's enough nausea for one day. Get out, I need to do my work." He began shoving Eddie toward the lab door, and Eddie let him, stumbling playfully along.

"Alright, alright, I'll get out of your gorgeous hair," Eddie said with a laugh. "Text me when you get home?"

"Yeah, I will," Barry replied.

Eddie opened the door, then smiled back at him. Barry glanced up and down the hall, then quickly pressed a kiss to his boyfriend's lips and unceremoniously shoved him out of the lab, locking the door behind him.


	50. I think you're beautiful.

"Barry, you're distracted," Caitlin's voice scolded in his ear.

"I promise you, I'm very focused right now," he growled as he dodged another tentacle that whipped by him.

"No, you're not, otherwise we would have this baddie in the bag by now," Cisco retorted.

Barry zipped around the half-octopus metahuman, jumping over and ducking under the slimy tentacles.

"This meta does nothing but have tentacles," Cisco continued, sounding exasperated. "Their slime isn't poisonous, acidic, or anything else remotely interesting. They don't seem to be able to communicate with marine life. They can just whip things with their boring tentacles, and you should have defeated them by now, which means—you're distracted."

"I'm only distracted by you telling me you wished I was in more danger right now," Barry snapped.

This meta really was an unfortunate one. From the information they gathered, this person was a marine biologist studying octopi when the particle accelerator exploded. Tentacles stuck out from all over: their stomach, their arms, their head, their hips. It was truly unsightly.

"Why are you doing this?" Barry yelled at them.

They glared at him. "I'm not sure!"

He stopped. "What?"

"I…I don't know," Tentacle Person said, shrugging their many tentacles. "I hear all these stories of other metas attacking the city, and it seemed like the thing to do."

"So, what have you been doing until now?" Barry asked.

"Living in the ocean with the octopi," Tentacle Person replied. "I've gathered so much research, but I can't do anything with it because everyone laughs at me."

"And you want to kill everyone who laughs at you? For revenge? For not respecting your research?"

"God, no!" they exclaimed. "I just…didn't know what else to do."

"You realize all these other metas you've heard about are in prison now, right?" Barry said. "Would you rather go to prison, or live in the ocean again?"

"Oh the ocean, for sure," they replied. "But…will you let me go?"

Barry shrugged. "Sure, dude. You honestly haven't done much damage."

Tentacle Person clapped their hands—their right pinky was a tiny tentacle—and sighed with relief. "Thank you so much, Flash!"

And with that, they began walking happily down the street, tentacles waving goodbye as they headed toward the ocean.

"Oh…my…god," Cisco said in dumbfounded amazement. "That has got to be the lamest villain in the world."

"They're not even a villain," Caitlin replied, also sounding dazed.

"Well, I'm going to call that a job well done," Barry said, then ran back to S.T.A.R. Labs.

Cisco and Caitlin were still standing dumbstruck in the control room when he got back, which, to be fair, was only two seconds later. He changed back into his regular clothes, then checked his phone. There was only one notification, a text from Eddie, and his stomach dropped out when he read it: _Got hurt on the job. Don't freak out. I'll see you tomorrow._

"Eddie's hurt," Barry mumbled. His imagination began to run wild with the knowledge. What level of hurt was he? And why hadn't Joe texted him too? He hadn't seen Eddie since last night when he stayed late at the lab, and there was no way he was waiting until tomorrow like Eddie had asked.

"Oh no, is he okay?" Caitlin asked, walking over.

"I…I think so, he said not to freak out, but I gotta go see him," Barry said.

"Well, let us—" Cisco started, but Barry was gone before he could finish the sentence.

He ran to Eddie's apartment in record time, jogged up the stairs and to Eddie's door, and pounded on the door in earnest. He heard a groan from the other side of the door, then some shuffling footsteps, and finally the door opened and Eddie's bruised face looked out at him.

Bruises flowered along the left side of his face, and there were cuts on his eyebrow, lip, and cheekbone. His eye was turning black, and there was dried blood just under his nose.

"Oh my god," Barry said.

"I didn't want you to see me like this," Eddie replied, turning away.

"What happened?" Barry asked, shutting the door and following Eddie to the couch.

"Investigating a B n' E on ninth, the guy got the drop on me. Messed my face up pretty bad before Joe came on the scene. Chased him down, locked him up, sent me home."

"Why does this always happen to you?" Barry asked, remembering the last time he'd rushed over to Eddie's apartment because he'd been hurt.

"It's God punishing me for having such a pretty face."

"Well didn't God make your face?"

"Whatever." Eddie shrugged, and gingerly touched his injured cheek, then hissed in pain. "Guess I don't have to worry about my pretty face now."

"Hey." Barry took his hands. "I think you're beautiful."

Eddie snorted.

"Really. You're the most beautiful man I've ever seen, and this is going to heal, and beauty isn't all about the outside anyway, so stop being a baby about this."

"You're the best," Eddie said, leaning gently against him.

"I know." Barry kissed the top of his head. "And now we're going to order takeout and eat ice cream and watch trashy television, but the pity party ends tomorrow, got it?"

"Got it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're halfway through! Thanks everyone for all the comments and support!
> 
> ~Ki


	51. Are you sure?

Barry walked downstairs into the main lobby of the precinct, looking for the familiar head of blond hair that belonged to his boyfriend. He found Eddie bent over his desk, focused on some paperwork.

He entered the bullpen, sitting down on the chair in front of the desk, glad that Eddie's desk mate appeared to be out.

"Hey, Bar," Eddie greeted, smiling over at him. The black eye from a few days ago had turned green and was healing quickly, and the cuts were nearly gone.

"Hey," Barry replied, shifting his weight as he repeatedly put his hands in his pockets and then pulled them out again.

Eddie frowned. "What's wrong?"

"You busy tonight?" he asked, biting his lip.

"No, why?"

"Wanna have dinner tonight?"

"Su—"

"With Joe. With me and Joe. With me and Joe at the house," Barry finished.

Eddie's eyebrows raised. "Is…"

"I was thinking it's time," Barry said, glancing around to make sure nobody was listening. "If it's okay with you. I know he's your partner, and this'll make things weird between you two, and you should have just as much of a say in who we tell and when, so I don't want to dominate this, but I—"

"Barry," Eddie interrupted with a smile. "Slow down."

"Sorry. I'm, uh, not good at that."

"I've noticed." He grinned. "Dinner tonight, you said?"

"Yeah," Barry said, nodding. "It was Joe's idea, to catch up, since we haven't spent time together lately, and I just thought…"

"So I'm crashing your catch up time?" Eddie asked. "Does he know I'm coming?"

"Well, I was going to tell him after you agreed. If you agreed."

"Is Iris invited?"

"Oh shit." Barry leaned on the back of the chair in front of Eddie's desk. "I didn't think about that. I don't think so. He knows things are weird between us right now, so I think he would've mentioned it if she was."

"Unless this dinner is his secret plan to work things out," Eddie said.

"Shit. Let me ask." Barry said, then dashed across the bullpen before Eddie could say anything more.

Adrenaline pumped through his veins. He was nervous enough already since he decided they might come out tonight, but the thought of rescheduling and finding this courage again was terrifying. He didn't know if he could find it again. If Iris was there…screw it, he'd do it anyway. Kill two birds with one stone, right? Then he thought of looking at her face and telling her he was dating her ex-boyfriend, and he felt like he might be sick. They'd tell her last, if they ever told her.

He walked up to Joe's desk and plopped himself into the chair, belatedly realizing he was lucky Joe wasn't already talking to someone. Joe raised his eyebrows at him.

"Yes?"

"About dinner," Barry said, trying to slow his speech and sound somewhat normal. "Is, uh, is Iris coming?"

"No, but I was thinking of inviting her," Joe said. "You kids haven't—"

"Don't!" Barry exclaimed.

Joe set his pen down and leaned back in his seat, looking affronted. "Barry, what—"

"I invited Eddie," Barry said. "Or, I was going to invite Eddie. If that's alright."

"Well, okay, I guess that's fine. You can invite him if you want."

"And you won't invite Iris?"

Joe narrowed his eyes. "No, not this time. But you know, Bar, you're going to have to work this out eventually. You two were best friends. It's not right that—"

"Joe, please, not right now," Barry pleaded.

"Fine. Not right now. But you can't keep avoiding one-on-one time with me forever," Joe said. "I have to have some sort of outlet for all this fatherly wisdom."

"We'll get coffee sometime, I promise," Barry said. "But first, dinner. Tonight. You, me, Eddie. Okay?"

Joe's brows were furrowed, and Barry knew he could tell something was up. And if he already suspected—or knew—about their relationship, then Joe was probably putting the pieces together now. He was a damn good detective, after all, and had already guessed Barry's crush months ago.

The thought made Barry swallow in fear.

Joe opened his mouth, and Barry thought he was going to confront him about it right then and there, but to Barry's relief he just said, "Tonight."

Barry thanked him and went to the other side of the bullpen, confirmed with Eddie, then ran a few laps around the state to work off his excess nervous energy.

100WAYS

_Be there in five_, Eddie's text had said. _Be there in five_, it said seven minutes ago.

Barry sat in one of the armchairs in the living room, bouncing his legs nervously. Well, bouncing was an understatement. They were moving so fast his legs were a blur.

Joe whistled as he pulled the roast out of the oven. It smelled divine, but it barely distracted Barry from his train of thought.

He hadn't thought this through at all. When were they going to tell him? When Eddie came through the door, at the end of the evening when Eddie left, when Joe poured drinks, halfway through dinner, before dessert? And what exactly were they going to tell him? Did they start with the relationship, or with the kinda-gay thing? Would Eddie do the talking or Barry? Or would it be 50/50? Or 60/40? But who would be the 60?

Barry had rushed into this. This was so stupid. They should've practiced, should've rehearsed, should've through this through. Maybe he should've told Joe about his new sexuality first, then waited a couple weeks and revealed the relationship. A two-step process that would soften the blow. Or was getting both out of the way easier?

The doorbell rang, and Barry rocketed out of the chair. "Got it!" he called to Joe, who grunted in response. Barry opened the door, but instead of letting Eddie in he let himself out and stood on the front step with Eddie.

"Bar, you look like a nervous wreck," Eddie said, concern washing over his features.

"Yeah, well…" Barry couldn't come up with anything to finish the sentence.

Eddie tucked the wine bottle he bought under his arm and gripped both sides of Barry's face. "We don't have to do this tonight. We can just have a normal dinner."

"No, no, I want to tell him. I do. I'm just…scared."

"I get that. I'm nervous too," Eddie said. "I mean, the guy wasn't exactly supportive of me dating Iris, and I doubt it'll be any different with you. And not because of the gay thing," he added, quoting Barry, "but because he's very protective of you two."

Barry nodded.

"He loves you. He'll still love you," Eddie told him. "But he might love you less if we let dinner get cold."

Barry laughed, and Eddie removed his hands, holding the wine bottle again. "You're right. Okay. Let's get in there."

"Are you sure?" Eddie asked, rubbing his arm.

"Yeah," Barry said. "Let's do this."

Eddie gave Barry a quick kiss, and Barry was surprised by how much that steadied him. Then he took a deep breath and walked back inside.

"I brought wine!" Eddie announced while Barry closed the door.

"What kind?" Joe called back.

"Cab!"

"Good man!"

Eddie grinned at Barry. "See? It'll be fine."

Barry wanted to trust him, but he also wished the wine would get him drunk. Damn his metahuman genes.

Dinner itself went easier than Barry expected. Joe's food was delicious, of course, and Eddie's wine paired great with the roast beef. Conversation flowed easily, so easily that Barry couldn't find an opening to mention the fact that he and Eddie were dating. He should've practiced saying it in the mirror or something, like theatre camp when he was a kid.

When dinner was over, they moved to the living room and poured more glasses of wine. Barry passed on the wine after his first glass. He felt bad about drinking it when it had zero effect on him. It was basically like pouring it down the drain. But he liked to have something in his hands and to sip on when he didn't have anything to say, so he settled for a glass of gingerale instead, which had the additional effect of calming his nervous stomach.

There was a lull in the conversation, which Barry felt more than heard, and he looked up. Eddie took a sip of his wine, then smiled at Barry, and Barry's insides melted as he smiled back. Joe shifted in his seat, then set his glass down, folded his hands, and looked at them.

"Okay, Barry," Joe said, and Barry's insides froze up again. "Clearly, something is bothering you. I haven't seen you this nervous since you were trying to get the courage to ask Audrey Etzel to prom. And I'm guessing there's a reason you wanted to invite Eddie tonight. So, go on, out with it."

Barry swallowed reflexively and restrained himself from bouncing his leg like he'd done before the dinner, thinking now was not the best time to accidentally reveal to Eddie that he had superspeed. One coming out at a time.

Eddie looked at him, his eyes soft, and he surreptitiously moved his hand so it rested on his knee. To both of their surprise, Barry reached over and took it firmly in his grasp. Joe blinked, but otherwise had no reaction.

"Joe, um, Eddie and I are, uh…Eddie and I are dating," Barry said, and he found it became much easier to breathe once the words were out there. He looked up and met Joe's gaze. "We've been dating for about three months now. And we know it's complicated and weird and unexpected, but…it's how we feel, and it feels right."

"Okay," Joe said slowly. "Do you…identify a new way now?"

"I'm, uh, not sure," Barry replied.

"Uh, bi. Bisexual, for me," Eddie answered.

Joe nodded slowly, his face passive. His attention remained on Eddie. "First my daughter, now my son, Thawne?"

Barry grimaced. "Don't—"

"I know Iris broke your heart," Joe continued. "You're sure this isn't some twisted rebound or revenge or something?"

"It's not that at all, sir."

"Well, I'm not going to be any easier on you dating Barry than I was with you dating Iris," Joe said, leaning forward in his chair. "I'm not about that sexist bullshit. And I don't like you hopping from one of my kids to the other. But I know that, deep down, you're a good man and a good partner. And so I will continue to try not to shoot you."

"Thank you," Eddie whispered, looking a little paler.

Joe leaned back and looked at Barry now. "I'd be lying if I said I didn't already figure it out a while ago. But I knew you had to come out to me in your own time. I love you, Barry, like my own flesh and blood, and nothing will ever change that."

"I love you too, Joe," Barry said.

"I think I will head out, then," Eddie said after a moment, "give you two some time to talk privately."

"I'll walk you to the door," Barry mumbled, and they got off the couch and headed for the front door.

Just like at the beginning of the night, Barry stepped out and they stood on the front step together. Barry exhaled and leaned forward, resting his head on Eddie's shoulder.

"You okay?" Eddie asked.

"Yeah," Barry said. "It was easier than I thought it would be."

"Especially since he forced us into it."

Barry laughed a little. "He has a way of doing that."

Eddie put his hand on Barry's cheek, and Barry lifted his head. Eddie kissed him slowly, gently, and warmth spread through Barry like a sunrise on a cold morning.

"I'll see you tomorrow," Eddie said.

"Text me when you get home?"

"Will do."

Barry watched until Eddie got into his car and drove away, and then he went back inside. He followed the sound of clanking dishes to Joe in the kitchen. Joe looked up and smiled at him.

"Hey, Bar," Joe said. "I want to say thank you for trusting me enough to tell me. You know you can always tell me anything, right?"

Barry nodded. "Did you Google how to respond when your kid comes out to you?"

"Maybe. I like being prepared," Joe said. "And don't tell me you didn't Google how to come out to your parents."

"You got me," Barry admitted with a laugh as he leaned against the counter. "So…you're really okay with it?"

Joe scrubbed at a plate in silence for a moment. "Barry, you can date anybody you want to, and as long as they treat you right I won't have a problem with it. I'm always going to look out for your best interests."

"But?" Barry guessed.

"But, I am a little confused."

"I know, I know, I'm confused too. I thought I was straight, at least mostly—"

"I'm not confused about that, Barry. I grew up in the sixties. I know about fluid sexuality and all that," Joe said. "I'm just confused because, well, because part of me always thought you'd end up with Iris."

"Oh."

Barry thought back to his years of being in love with Iris. He'd had a crush on her for practically as long as he'd known her. She was one of the few constants in his tumultuous life. She was strong, and passionate, and kind, and effervescent, and a part of him would always love her in a way.

"I thought that too," Barry said. "I had all these somedays in my head, and I let all my chances slip by me. When I came out of the coma, I tried so hard to hate Eddie, to blame him for why she wasn't with me. But I think, after all that time, I was more in love with the idea of Iris than the reality of Iris.

"And I do love her, don't get me wrong, but it's…it's different. But with Eddie, I feel all those things I imagined feeling with Iris. And I tried not to like him. Believe me, I denied it for so long. But there's just something about him."

Barry smiled, and a wistful tone entered his voice. "He's just so magnetic and full of life, and he's probably the most positive guy I've ever met. He's caring and genuine and…and he makes me so damn happy."

He stopped, having realized he was rambling, and looked up at Joe again. Joe's eyes were shining with tears, and Barry looked away, embarrassed.

"I'm happy for you, Barry," Joe said, patting Barry on the shoulder before bringing him in for a hug. "I'm so damn happy for you."


	52. Have fun.

"If you want to participate in Trivia Tuesday, this is your fifteen minute reminder to turn in your team name and member sheet to the Trivia Team at the front of the shop."

"Time to crush it," Cisco whispered.

"Remember, we have to take it easy or they'll give us a seatbelt," Caitlin told him sternly.

"'Take it easy, have fun, it's just a game,'" Cisco muttered mockingly.

"Seriously," Caitlin said, "they're going to make us wait five seconds to answer if we—"

"—if _Cisco_—" Barry interrupted.

"—get too heated," she finished.

"The point of Trivia Tuesday is to win," Cisco said, flattening his palms on the table and flaring his nostrils. "It's not my fault these _losers_ don't bring their _A-Game!_" he said, shouting a few words.

The woman in charge of the Jitters Trivia Team glared over at them and made the 'I'm watching you' gesture with her hand. Cisco did it right back, and the rest of the table laughed.

"Well, I'm gonna hit the can before it gets started," Eddie said, pointing a finger gun at Cisco. "No bathroom breaks."

"No bathroom breaks!" Cisco exclaimed, grinning at Eddie and then pointing severely at Barry, who held his hands up, and Caitlin, who rolled her eyes.

"Have fun in there," Barry joked to Eddie.

Eddie grinned, then leaned over and kissed Barry on the cheek. Caitlin sucked in a gasp that sounded half like a squeak and half like she choked. Cisco started patting her arm incessantly to get her attention, but she was already staring at them.

"Are you…" she started.

"Oh." Barry's cheeks reddened. "Well, uh…guess the cat's out of the bag."

"So you're really…?" Cisco asked, eyebrows raised.

"Yes," Eddie replied, putting a hand on Barry's shoulder. "We're dating."

Caitlin clapped her hands together and Cisco let out a _whoop_ that made the Trivia woman glare at him again. That made three people in two days, which made Barry feel a little dizzy. They'd planned to wait between telling people, to see how it felt and if they were comfortable telling the next people, but Barry realized he hadn't needed to worry with these two.

"My man!" Cisco said, clapping Barry on the shoulder before getting up to hug Eddie.

Caitlin reached across the table and squeezed Barry's hand. "I'm so happy for you two."

"Thanks, guys," Barry said.

Cisco returned to his seat and Eddie, smiling, went to the bathroom.

Barry looked at his friends. "You knew, didn't you?"

"We've had running bets for months now," Caitlin replied, crossing her legs and leaning back in her chair with a smug smile.

"Speaking of, when did you get together?" Cisco asked, elbows on the table as he leaned forward.

"And who asked who?"

"And who else have you told?"

"And where was your first date?"

"And—"

"Nope! Nu-uh, we're not doing this," Barry said, shaking his head. "You two are despicable. How did you know, anyway?"

"Well, with the way your vitals were spiking all the time, we figured you were dating somebody," Caitlin said.

Cisco continued, "We didn't guess it was Eddie until that game night when we played Risk."

"That long ago?" Barry whistled under his teeth. "We weren't even dating then. I was still mostly in denial."

"Dammit," Cisco muttered, pursing his lips as he pulled out his wallet.

Caitlin grinned and held her hand out as Barry rolled his eyes. "Well, regardless of how much money I'm about to make off of Cisco, I'm really happy you two are together. I think it's a good match."

Barry smiled back at her, then looked across the room and met Eddie's eyes as he walked back to their table. "Thanks. I do too."


	53. Sit down, I'll get it.

Barry was surprised by how much he enjoyed having Eddie over at his house now that Joe knew about them. Sure, he'd had Eddie over a couple of times before, but those times were shrouded in denial and secrecy. They didn't have the same…_freedoms_ at the house that they did at Eddie's apartment, but there was something significant about having Eddie over in the space he grew up, in the space he called home.

Joe was working late at the precinct tonight, so Eddie and Barry were having a movie night at the house. Barry sat propped up on the arm of the couch, with Eddie under his arm and leaning against his chest. He could feel Eddie's breathing as his ribs rose and fell under his arm, and he decided there was nowhere else he's rather be.

The doorbell rang, breaking the spell and announcing the arrival of the pizza.

"Sit down, I'll get it," Eddie said when Barry began to move. He kissed Barry's forehead, then went to the door as Barry paused the movie.

He got up anyway to fetch more soda, refilling their glasses. He took a sip of his, then nearly choked on it when Eddie said, "I-Iris?" after he opened the door.

"Eddie?" responded Iris' unmistakable voice.

Barry came out of the kitchen and stared at the exes who were staring at each other. Then he snapped out of his panic and made his way over to the front door.

"What…i-is—" Eddie stammered.

"Iris! Hi!" Barry said too jovially when he got to the door.

"Barry," she said, looking at him with just as much confusion. "Is…is my dad here?"

"No, um, he's at the precinct. Did you need to talk to him?" Barry asked.

"No, I was hoping to talk to you, but clearly I'm interrupting…something," she said, gesturing vaguely. "I, uh, didn't know you two were friends."

"Yeah, um." Eddie started, then looked at Barry with beseeching eyes.

Barry stared back at him for a long moment, and then Eddie shrugged and nodded at him, clearly handing the decision off to him. Barry hadn't expected this to come so soon. Iris was supposed to be the last one. They were going to tell Singh next, but only because Joe threatened to tell him first. They'd wanted to put that off because of the paperwork and the inevitable precinct teasing, but Joe was serious.

"Um, Iris, d-do you wanna come inside?" Barry asked. "We wanna talk to you."

She frowned. "I don't think that's a good idea."

"No, please, it's uh…I promise it's not what you think," Barry said, biting his lip.

Iris stared at them both, then sighed. "Fine."

Barry and Eddie stood aside, and Iris entered the house. She walked over to the living room, glancing at the single blanket on the couch, then at the romantic comedy they'd been watching. She perched in Joe's armchair and then looked at them expectantly.

Barry sat down on the couch, followed by Eddie, who left a noticeable space between them. That was good. Break it to her slowly. But as he faced her, he found he had no words, nowhere to begin.

"Well?" she said after a long silence. "Is this about you two being friends? Cause if it is, I'm…fine with it. Really. It's surprising, but—"

"Sort of, yeah," Barry cut off. "We started hanging out after you two…broke up," he said slowly, suddenly realizing this was the first time Eddie and Iris had really spoken since the breakup. He cleared his throat to get his mind back on track. "Anyway, we started hanging out and we became friends, and we didn't mean to, really, because if felt weird with our shared history with you, but—"

"The point?" Iris asked, looking uncomfortable. "I said I was fine—"

"The point is," Barry continued, heart hammering in his chest. "The point is that Eddie and I aren't, um, we're actually, ah…" His throat went dry and he took a deep breath. "We're more than friends."

Iris' mouth dropped open slightly, her eyes widening. Barry bit his lip again, not daring to look at or even touch Eddie, so he just continued to stare at her. Iris' gaze switched between them, her brows beginning to furrow.

"Oh my god," she finally said. "O-Oh my _god!_"

"We didn't mean—" Eddie started.

"I-I don't…I can't…" she muttered, clasping her hands and bringing them up to her mouth.

Barry shifted on the couch, rubbing his sweaty hands on the knees of his jeans. "Iris, we—"

"How long?" she asked.

"Almost two months," Barry mumbled.

"Two months…and who else knows?" she demanded.

"Joe, Caitlin, and Cisco," Barry replied.

"We just started telling people this week," Eddie added.

"Oh my god," Iris said again, and her eyes became glassy with tears.

Barry inched forward toward her, face concerned. "Iris, I—"

"I have to go," she said abruptly, throwing her scarf around her neck and grabbing her purse as she headed for the door. "I'm sorry, I int…I interrupted your _date night_," she spat. "I'll just go. Don't worry about me. Don't worry about me at all, just keep—"

"Iris, please, we didn't mean to hurt you," Eddie said.

"Hurt me?" she whirled around to face him. "You were my boyfriend," she snapped, then turned to Barry, "and you were my best friend. This wasn't supposed to happen."

"I know," Barry said. "We didn't mean—"

"Yeah, you didn't mean to," Iris finished sarcastically. "Well, fine. I guess I brought this on myself. Enjoy your evening."

Iris strode for the front door, yanked it open, then yelped in surprise when she almost ran straight into the pizza delivery person. She cast one more tearful glare at them, then pushed her way past the pizza person and down the sidewalk toward her car.

Barry sank back onto the couch, too dumbstruck to even think about pizza at that moment. Eddie got up, paid the employee, and sent them on their way. He set the pizza boxes down on the coffee table, then sat next to Barry and wrapped his hands over Barry's.

"Barry, it's gonna be okay," Eddie said urgently.

"Okay?" Barry repeated. "That went terribly."

"We surprised her," Eddie replied. "She came here to talk to you about something probably important, and we dropped a bomb on her. It wasn't fair.

"Well we couldn't lie to her!" Barry exclaimed. "That would've made it worse later on!"

"I know," Eddie said in a calm voice, squeezing Barry's hands. "I know. I'm not saying we were wrong to tell her. I'm just saying that she probably feels a little shell-shocked right now."

"She was…she was so angry," Barry whispered, trying to blink away his tears. "I didn't think she'd get that angry."

"I hear you." Eddie nodded. "After Joe, Cisco, and Caitlin, I started thinking everyone would be happy for us. Wishful thinking, I guess."

Barry nodded. "Too wishful."

"But listen," Eddie said, putting one hand on the side of Barry's face and forcing him to make eye contact. "We're going to get through this. It's going to be okay."

Barry couldn't help but nod—he didn't have the energy to refute Eddie—but he couldn't help but feel a hole in his heart where his best friend had once been. It had been growing for months, but now it felt like it was gaping.


	54. I made reservations.

"Hey, you want to go out tonight?" Eddie asked.

"Hm?" Barry turned his eyes away from the window, where he'd been gazing absently at the people walking by on the sidewalk outside of the coffeeshop.

"You. Me. Tonight?" Eddie smiled hopefully. "I made reservations at Café Mundo."

"Yeah, that sounds good," Barry replied, then looked back out the window.

Eddie reached forward and placed his hand over Barry's, but Barry didn't look back at him.

"I know yesterday was tough," Eddie said quietly. "I just want to be here for you."

"You are." Barry sighed and hung his head. "I'm sorry. I'm not being fair to you. It's just…"

But how could he put it into words? He and Iris hadn't been close for almost six months, barely spoken at all lately. Logically, this separation shouldn't feel any different. Before, though, it felt like they were just taking a break. Sometimes friends need to do that, to figure out how they fit together again after years of growth and change. He'd never doubted that they'd get back to where they were. But now…

"I just miss her," Barry said. "I didn't realize how much I'd missed her."

Eddie nodded slowly and squeezed Barry's hand. Barry took a deep breath. He wasn't going to cry in the middle of a coffeeshop. He was going to be a big, strong adult who would not cry over his best friend in public in front of his boyfriend who was said best friend's ex.

When did his life get so complicated? That wasn't even mentioning the secret superpowers and vigilante life.

"Café Mundo sounds great," Barry said. "You're great."

"You're greater," Eddie retorted.

"No." Barry shook his head. "I'm really not."


	55. I don't mind.

"Well? Shall we?" Eddie asked, looking up at the precinct from where they stood on the sidewalk.

They'd left the coffeeshop and walked to the precinct together, as was their morning tradition. This time, however, they were on a mission.

"Might as well," Barry replied. "What do we have left to lose?"

Eddie frowned, reaching out and taking Barry's hand to squeeze it tightly. Barry felt himself get a little annoyed with how often Eddie was squeezing his hand today, as if he were a child that needed frequent reassurance, but he quickly shut that down. He knew he was just lashing out and that Eddie was just trying to be supportive.

"We don't have to do it today," Eddie said. "We weren't exactly planning on…on last night happening. We can wait."

"I think we kinda have to," Barry countered, "or Joe's going to tell him first. And anyway, I don't mind. This'll be cake compared to Iris."

Eddie nodded slowly, still watching him carefully.

Barry took a bracing breath. "Okay, let's go."

He slipped his hand out of Eddie's, feeling too self-conscious about walking into the precinct hand-in-hand. Plus, he felt it would cross some sort of personal-professional workplace boundaries that he was sure they were going to learn about. With Eddie right beside him, they crossed the bullpen and made their way to Singh's office. The door was open, but he knocked twice on the jamb anyway.

"Allen. Thawne. What can I do for you?" Singh asked, not even looking up from his computer.

"We need to talk to you," Barry said. "May we come in?"

"Fine, fine." Singh minimized the tabs on his computer, then swiveled in his chair to face them. "What's going on?"

They entered the office, Eddie closing the door behind them, and sat down in the chairs in front of the desk. Singh raised his eyebrows expectantly. Barry opened his mouth to speak and was surprised at how nervous he still felt. He thought it would get easier with each person they told, like the burden wouldn't be quite so heavy every time, but it was still nerve-wracking.

But, he reminded himself, Singh was a gay man with a husband, so he wasn't likely to be homophobic toward them, and he couldn't tell them to stop dating because their relationship didn't break any rules. They just had to tell him for policy reasons and to keep everything above water. There wasn't really anything to worry about.

"Captain, Allen and I need to tell you that we are romantically involved," Eddie said.

Singh raised his eyebrows. "And what exactly does that mean?"

"We're dating," Barry said. "In a relationship. The whole nine yards."

"Ah." Singh leaned back in his chair. "Well, as your captain, I'm going to send you to Human Resources immediately to fill out the necessary paperwork. Neither of you reports to the other, which is good, and you're in separate departments, which, while not necessary, is better. I'm assuming Joe already knows?"

"Yes sir," Barry answered.

"Good," Singh said. "As a fellow member of the community, I applaud your bravery and congratulate you."

"Thank you, s—"

"And as a member of this precinct, I thank you for the huge amount of money I'm about to make off of your colleagues," Singh finished with a grin.

Barry and Eddie blinked, silenced by surprise.

"Is there anyone in our lives who wasn't betting on us?" Eddie whispered to Barry.

Barry knew one person, but he didn't want to say her name. Instead, he huffed out a laugh and shook his head. "Congratulations, sir," he said sarcastically.

"Thank you, Allen," Singh said with a wide smile. "Now go—HR office, stat."


	56. It brings out your eyes.

"Oh, that one, I like that one," Barry said, nodding at the blue tie Eddie had just put on. "It brings out your eyes."

"Yeah?" Eddie looked at himself in the mirror, straightening the tie for the fifth time. "I dunno."

"Babe, it looks great," Barry said. "They all look great. Everything looks great on you."

"Well, my mom does like it when I wear blue. And ties," Eddie murmured in concentration.

Barry rolled over on the bed so he was staring at the ceiling. They were having dinner with Eddie's parents tonight. Mr. and Mrs. Thawne were coming to town for a last-minute political thing Mr. Thawne had to go to, and Eddie suggested coming out to them at the dinner. Barry wasn't sure—they'd been telling so many people so much faster than they'd intended—but then Eddie pointed out that they'd only told people in Barry's life, and he wanted to tell people from his life. Plus, his parents were lifelong Democrats with an invested interest in intersectionality, so they probably wouldn't balk at their relationship.

"Are you nervous?" Barry asked.

"Yeah. You?"

"Very." Barry sat up. "This is the first time I'm meeting them. At least you knew Joe before then."

"To be fair, I'm not sure that helped. He still wanted to shoot me."

"True." Barry sighed. "Will your parents want to shoot me?"

"Hard to say," Eddie said. "They did have their hearts set on me marrying Iris."

"Oh great. Now I have to compete with Iris." Barry collapsed onto the bed again, trying to ignore the pain in his chest that came from thinking about her.

Eddie laughed. "There's no competition, trust me. They don't think too highly of her anymore since she broke it off with me. Something about their son not being good enough for her offended them."

Eddie sounded like he was joking, but Barry knew there was pain under that smile. Iris had still never explained why she broke up with Eddie, and Barry knew it would likely be a sore spot for the rest of Eddie's life. Barry tried imagining Eddie breaking up with him and never explaining why, and he understood why Eddie was still bitter about it, and probably would be forever.

Barry thought about himself compared to Iris, and a part of him curled in on itself with anxiety. She was so vibrant and lively, the kind of girl everyone would want to bring home to their parents. Driven, charming, beautiful…

"Do you think they'll like me?" Barry asked quietly.

"Of course!" Eddie exclaimed, then noticed how serious Barry was. He turned toward away from the mirror to face Barry. "Bar, I don't think you have to worry. Not really."

"But I'm not like Iris," Barry said.

"I know you're not," Eddie replied. "For one thing, you're still dating me."

Barry winced, but Eddie kept going.

"But you're also funny and kind and have a super cool job that my dad's going to ask you a million questions about," he said. "And you know moms love you. My mom will be no different."

Barry nodded slowly, thinking about his own mom and how much he missed her. She would've loved Eddie. He knew it in his heart. And his dad…

"I know the next stop on our coming out train," Barry said quietly.

"Oh yeah?" Eddie started fiddling with the tie again.

"I was going to visit my dad next week anyway," he continued softly, "so we could do it then if you want. And then…and then, I'd like to take you to see my mom."

"Oka—"

Eddie's sudden cut off told Barry he'd forgotten for a second that Barry's mom was dead. Eddie's hands stilled on the tie, and then he looked down at Barry. His eyes were a little glassy, and Barry had to look away or he felt certain he'd cry.

"I'd like that a lot," Eddie said.

Barry nodded, then took a deep breath and exhaled forcefully. "Okay, well, we'd better go or we'll be late, and there's nothing like ruining a first impression with tardiness."

"At least it would be an accurate first impression," Eddie teased.

"Don't be rude, or I'll tell your mother on you!"

The color drained from Eddie's face. "Don't you dare."


	57. There is enough room for both of us.

Barry wiped his palms on his jeans and danced his fingers over his knee as he looked out the window at the landscape passing by them. Eddie glanced over at him from the driver's seat and smiled, shifting his hands on the wheel to reach over with his right and cover Barry's nervous fingers with his hand.

"Relax, babe, it'll be fine," Eddie said.

"Yeah, I…I know," Barry replied. "It's just…I wish you didn't have to see him like this."

The Saturday night dinner with Eddie's parents went spectacularly. They'd arrived at the restaurant just barely on time, and the Thawnes gave them a warm welcome. Eddie spilled the beans about their relationship partway through the main course, and Mrs. Thawne had started crying tears of joy. They didn't say a thing about Barry being a man, didn't ask at all, just carried on like it was the most normal thing in the world. And, true to form, Mr. Thawne did ask a lot of questions about Barry's job.

It had gone so well, and it was so pleasant and normal, but it sparked something dark in Barry when he thought of his family in comparison. Eddie had a mom and a dad, who were both alive and healthy and not incarcerated. Barry had a father who was wrongfully imprisoned for murdering his mother. He met Eddie's parents in a nice restaurant. Eddie would be meeting Barry's parents in a prison and a cemetery.

Barry almost resented Eddie for having such a perfect family. He knew it was irrational and immature, and that Eddie's family likely had its own problems. He also knew that Eddie didn't judge Barry's family, which he was grateful for, but he still felt like he'd gotten the short stick.

"So," Eddie started, "you've never told me the whole story with your parents. You don't have to if you don't want to, but…"

"No, it's fine," Barry said. "I was eleven when my mother died. She was murdered, but not by my father like everyone thinks. There…there was a tornado of red lightning in our living room, and in the middle was a man, but he was all blurry." Barry took a steadying breath. "He knocked out my father, killed my mother, then took me out of the house. I ended up twenty blocks away."

Eddie made a low whistle. "That's something else."

"Police didn't believe me. Joe didn't believe me. Nobody believed me," he continued. "They thought I walked the twenty blocks out of shock, and that my brain came up with the man in yellow as a coping mechanism. But I know what I saw. But people didn't believe in men who could run faster than a bullet back then."

"And now?"

"Joe reopened the case a while ago, but not much has come of it," Barry said. "That man wasn't the Flash, of course, but he had similar powers."

"Like an Opposite Flash."

"Wouldn't that mean he's slow?"

"No, he's Opposite cause he's evil," Eddie said. "Anyway, that's not the point."

"You're right. Anyway, the point is I became a forensic scientist because I wanted to someday prove that my dad didn't murder my mom even though everybody told me he did."

"That's tough, Bar," Eddie said, reaching over and squeezing Barry's knee.

"He didn't even let me visit him at first," Barry said. "He didn't want me to see him like that. I snuck in once, though, and Joe finally got him to put me on his visitation list. Now I visit every now and then. He still doesn't like me to come very often."

"Well, I'm glad to meet him, no matter the circumstances," Eddie said.

Barry smiled at him, and found he was glad too. He'd rather have his father be alive and in prison than not alive at all. "Me too."

Visitation was busy that day, which was surprising for a Tuesday. They were on a strict schedule; no more than 15 minutes. The room with the glass windows and the fake phones and the hard plastic chairs was more familiar to Barry than he cared to admit as he and Eddie walked in.

"You'll have to take turns on the chair," the guard said as she walked them over. "We don't have extras."

"I don't have to sit. You should—" Eddie started.

"No, there's enough room for both of us," Barry replied.

"If you say so." Eddie shrugged.

They both sat on the plastic chair, hips pressed together in the middle as they tried to balance one leg each on the seat. Eddie put his arm over the back of the chair and gave Barry a tight half-hug as they waited for Henry to be brought out.

He walked through the door and Barry's breath caught in his chest. Henry looked older every time Barry saw him, and he could tell the wear prison life was having on him. Still, Henry grinned his rugged grin and reached for the phone. Barry picked up their phone and held it up between his and Eddie's faces.

"Hey, slugger," Henry greeted. "Happy almost birthday."

"Hey, Dad, thanks," Barry answered.

Henry looked at Eddie. "So, this must be Eddie. Pleased to meet you, son, but I wish it was under different circumstances."

"Me too, sir," Eddie replied. "For what it's worth, I believe you're innocent. I believe you and Barry."

"Thank you, Eddie. That means a lot."

"Dad," Barry said, "I know we don't have a lot of time, and I want to hear how you've been, but—"

"Kid, it's the same shit every day in here," Henry said with a grin, though his eyes were dim. "I don't want to bore you with it. Tell me what you want to tell me."

"Well." Barry took a deep breath. "Dad, um, Eddie and I are dating. He's my boyfriend," he said in a rush.

Henry's eyebrows rose as he looked between the two of them. Then he cracked a smile and Barry let out his breath.

"Congratulations are in order," Henry said. "How long?"

"Around two months," Barry answered.

"And he's treating you right?"

"Dad!"

"What?" Henry asked, laughing.

"I try to, sir," Eddie answered, smiling.

Henry nodded approvingly. "That's what I like to hear."

"Oh my god, this was a terrible idea," Barry groaned, rubbing his forehead.

"I am happy for you, Barry, and you, Eddie. You've got a catch on your hands here," Henry said.

"Don't I know it," Eddie replied.

Henry grinned and laughed again. "Good, good. Eddie, do you mind if I just talk to Barry for a moment?"

"Sure," Eddie said, and stood up, leaning against the edge of the little visitation cubicle, giving Barry what privacy he could.

"Am I crazy, or is that the guy you said Iris was dating?" Henry asked.

"You're not crazy," Barry said with a sigh. "They broke up in September."

"Oh. So you're just the one that's crazy."

"Dad!"

"What? First thing I know you're in love with Iris your whole life, next you're dating her ex?" Henry asked. "And I don't care if you want to date guys or girls, but this is a little weird."

"I know, I know—"

"But for as weird as it is," Henry continued, "you do seem really happy, slugger. I mean really. There's a glow about you."

"I thought that was only for pregnant women," Barry said, earning a confused look from Eddie, who was only hearing one end of the conversation.

"Anyone can glow, kid, and you definitely are," he said. "So while I don't really understand how this happened, I can appreciate the results. I'm happy for you, Barry."

"Thanks, Dad."

"That's all I gotta say for now. Let the man sit down so I can grill him like a proper dad," Henry told him.

Barry motioned for Eddie to sit down again, saying, "Trust me, Joe's got the grilling part down."

"Yeah, well I'm a hardened criminal," Henry said as Eddie sat down and Barry held the phone up to him again. "I've got connections in case this punk ever hurts you."

"Oh my god," Barry muttered.


	58. You don't have to say anything.

The crisp air blew softly around them, making the bouquet of flowers bob in the breeze. The trees were beginning to grow their leaves back, and the grass was recovering from the winter cold. All around them, gravestones stretched in any direction. You could tell they were well taken care of, which pleased Barry.

It has been a while since he'd come here, but he still knew the way. Eddie was silent as he walked beside him, hand in hand. Barry glanced at the names as they passed by, wondering what their stories were, if they'd been taken too soon, if they had sons who missed them.

Nora's grave was just ahead now, and Barry's heart tightened painfully. He slowed his pace a little and took a rattling breath.

"We don't have—"

"I want to," Barry said. "It's just…it's just hard. And it hasn't gotten any easier. I know they say time heals all, but…"

"Some wounds stay open," Eddie finished.

Barry nodded slowly. "Yeah, exactly." He rolled his shoulders back and held his head up. "Okay, let's go."

They started walking again, then stepped off the sidewalk onto the grass. His mother's stone was pristine, reading "Beloved Wife and Mother" at the top.

Barry stopped a few feet away from the stone, then tilted his head up and stared at the sky.

"I refused to come here for the longest time," Barry said. "Joe offered, but I didn't want to. I knew that seeing her name would make it all too real." Tears burned in his eyes. "But now, I…if they can see us from somewhere, anywhere, now I wonder if she thought I'd forgotten about her?"

"Barry, no—"

"If she watched and waited for me to come visit, to tell her I love her, and I didn't for so long?" Barry's voice crumpled. "Eddie, what if she hates me?"

Eddie wrapped his arms around Barry's shoulders, careful not to crush the flowers. "She doesn't hate you, Barry. She could never hate you. If she is watching from somewhere, then she knows you were just trying to heal. She knows you're visiting now, and she loves you."

Barry sniffled and buried his face against Eddie's shoulder, trying to calm himself by taking some deep breaths. Eddie rubbed his back and shoulders soothingly until Barry got himself under control again.

"Well," Barry said, then cleared his throat. "Here we go."

He took Eddie hand again and approached the gravestone, laying the flowers at the base of it. He stepped back and smiled at the grave.

"Hi Mom," Barry said. "I know it's been a long time. I'm sorry about that. I'll try to visit more often." He took another breath and glanced over at Eddie to gauge his reaction, but Eddie just watched the gravestone with a placid expression.

"This visit is a special one, though," he continued. "I brought someone I'd like you to meet. This, uh, this is Eddie. My boyfriend. And I know you're going to say, 'Isn't that the guy you complained about to me a year ago?' Yeah, it is. Life works out pretty funny that way."

Eddie chuckled and squeezed Barry's hand.

"I know our relationship is…unusual. In more ways than one, I suppose. But we care about each other, and it's real. It's more real than almost anything else in my life." Barry found himself blushing and cleared his throat. "I wish you could've really met. I think you would've liked him.

"Anyway, work is good. Joe and, uh, and Iris are doing well. Dad's as good as can be expected. I saw him today, and he misses you. We both do. I hope you're doing well, wherever you are, and I really hope you can hear this." He swallowed against his throat tightening up. "I love you, Mom."

Barry turned to Eddie and smiled, feeling weight lift off his chest. "You don't have to say anything, I know it's weird—"

"Not at all," Eddie replied, then turned back to the gravestone. "Hi, Mrs. Allen. I really wish I could've met you, and that you could see what an amazing man your son has turned out to be. Cause, you see, I'm really crazy about him."

Barry bit his lip and ducked his head, letting his chin hit his chest as he listened to Eddie's words.

"He challenges me, and he cares for me, and he makes me smile when nothing else will," Eddie continued. "I care about him so much, and I hope we have your blessing. I hope to visit again someday, but for now I'll give you and Barry some privacy."

Eddie kissed Barry's cheek and began to walk back toward the sidewalk.

"No, you don't—"

"You need this," Eddie told him, then turned away.

Barry faced the stone again, then stepped closer and kneeled in the damp, cold grass. He reached his hand out and traced the letters of her first name like he'd done the first time he visited. His hand fell away from the stone, and he hung his head and sighed.

"Dad already gave me the 'Are you crazy' speech, so you can save it," he told the stone conspiratorially. "But I like him, Mom, I really do. And you would too. I just wish it didn't cost me my friendship with Iris."

He sat down fully on the grass, not caring about the dampness soaking into his jeans. "She was so upset, Mom. I think this might be the end for us. We've been through so much, though, that it feels silly for it to end like this. But I don't even know how to go about fixing it. This is uncharted territory for us.

"It's uncharted territory for all of us. It's a little scary, dating a guy for the first time, and all the stuff that comes with that. It's more scary than I've admitted to anyone, actually. But it's worth it for Eddie. I know that much at least."

His fingers played idly with the grass as he spoke. "I hope you're fine with it. I can't imagine you wouldn't be, but I guess I wouldn't know. I just want you to…" He choked up again, pressure building behind his face with the urge to cry. "I just hope you're proud of me, Mom," he whispered hoarsely.

Tears dribbled down his cheeks and landed on the ground. He let himself cry for a few moments, then cleared his throat and did some deep breathing.

"I love you, Mom," he said, rising to his feet. "See you soon."

He brushed a few blades of grass off of his pants, then turned and walked back toward Eddie, who was facing the opposite direction. Barry settled a hand on Eddie's shoulder, and Eddie looked up at him.

"Done?"

"For today," Barry said. "Hey, thank you. For coming with me, and for saying what you did."

"Of course, Bar," Eddie replied, smiling gently. "I was honored you invited me. I know how much this means to you."

Barry took Eddie's hand, and together they began walking out of the cemetery.

"So," Barry started, "you're crazy about me, huh?"

"Don't act like you didn't know it already."

"Just nice to be reminded now and again."

"Well I'll be sure to say it more often."

"Good."


	59. Wow.

"Barry, come on, Singh is breathing down my neck here," Eddie's voice hissed out of the cell phone.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Barry exclaimed, scrambling out of his supersuit as he dashed around his house trying to figure out where he last put his ID badge. "Tell him there's traffic."

"It's noon on a Sunday."

"Traffic from the church crowd?

"Barry!"

"And anyway, isn't using you to track me down some sort of violation of our relationship?" Barry jabbered. "We should read those HR papers again."

"Sure, darling, whatever you say," Eddie said sarcastically. "But would you please get down here before we're both fired?"

"Yes!" Barry exclaimed, finding the badge under a pair of pants on the floor. Since he'd been spending almost all his time at Eddie's place, his room had devolved into a state of messiness even he found disconcerting. He should find time to clean, but for now, he had other priorities.

"I'm on my way, babe, I—"

He had started to zip down the stairs and out the door, but as he began to leave he saw Iris standing on the front step. Well, to him it looked like she was standing. In all actuality, she was probably pacing back and forth, but he was moving too fast to see that. In lightning speed, he turned around and went back inside.

"Barry?"

"Yeah?"

"Work, Barry! Work!" Eddie all but yelled.

"I…I can't make it," Barry said. "Tell them I got rearended or something."

"You don't own a car, Barry."

"Just tell them something," Barry replied as he opened the door. "I gotta go. Bye."

He hung up as Iris stared at him.

"I-Iris," he stuttered, then looked over his shoulder. "Joe's not here."

"No, I know, I…" She looked him over. "You're going somewhere, aren't you? I'm sorry, I can—"

"It's fine, it's fine," Barry said.

She pursed her lips and looked everywhere but him as he waited for her to say something, to explain why she was here.

"That was Eddie, right?" she asked, gesturing at the phone that was still in his hand.

"Yeah, it…it was about work," he replied.

She nodded, lips pursed again. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't—"

"Do you want to come in?" he asked. "We can talk inside."

"Okay," she said, sighing heavily.

He stepped aside to let her in, and he reflected on how weird it was to be letting her into her own house. He remembered the day he'd come to live here and how she'd opened the door for him.

"So what's up?" he asked, settling in Joe's armchair.

"I need to tell you something," she said. "I've been needing to tell you for a while, but I was too scared. And then you and Eddie…well, I didn't think it mattered anymore. But after a while I decided I should still tell you."

"Tell me what?" he asked, frowning.

"Why I broke up with Eddie."

Barry's mouth went dry. He still remembered the look on Eddie's face when he'd shown up on Barry's doorstep all those months ago. Back then, he would've given anything to find out why Iris had broken up with Eddie, to give him closure and peace. But now? Now he'd give anything not to know.

"Iris, I don't think I should be the one you tell," Barry said slowly.

"I can't tell Eddie," she replied, shaking her head. "It'll hurt him too much. And…and I don't know how to talk to him anymore. There's too much between us now."

"What's between you is the fact that you broke up with him for no apparent reason and then didn't talk to him for months!" Barry snapped. "You did this to yourself."

Her face crumpled, and she hung her head slightly. "I know," she whispered. "I know I did. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. You're right, I—"

"No, stop." Barry rubbed his face with his hands. "I'm sorry. That was uncalled for. I just…you didn't see how broken he was, Iris."

"And you did."

"Yeah. I did." He sighed. "I don't want to fight with you. I feel really bad about the way we sprang our news on you, and I've been wanting to apologize."

"It was sudden," she agreed.

"I'm really sorry," Barry said. "We were planning on telling you, just telling you later. But when you asked if we were friends, we didn't want to lie to you. I feel like that would've been worse in the long run."

"I think you're right," she said. "I'm sorry for the way I reacted. That probably wasn't what you were hoping for."

"I don't know what I was hoping for," he confessed.

She nodded slowly. "I was coming over that day to tell you what I need to tell you now. And, it's part of why I freaked out."

Barry frowned. "Okay."

"I need to tell you," she said again, as if trying to convince herself.

"I can't keep it from Eddie," he warned her.

"You might want to."

He narrowed his eyes in confusion. "Iris, what is it?"

She took a deep breath. "How much do you know?"

"Not much," Barry said. "Just that it was sudden. You met up for coffee and a walk in the park, then you said you weren't connecting and that you wanted something different and then you left."

"Yeah, that about sums it up," she muttered under her breath, lacing her fingers together and squeezing them tightly. "Something hadn't been feeling right with Eddie for a long time. I think since you woke up from your coma, or sometime after that."

He nodded, encouraging her to keep going despite the roiling feeling deep in his gut that told him this was _wrong wrong wrong_.

"I loved Eddie," she said softly, staring at her hands. "I really did. I hope he knows that, that I wasn't just toying with him or tugging him along. I think I could have spent the rest of my life with him. But when you woke up from your coma, it got me thinking about all sorts of things. About how short life is, and about what I really want.

"And it's like I suddenly became dissatisfied with everything in my life. Nothing felt right anymore, and I was doubting everything. I told myself I was just self-sabotaging because I was feeling anxious, and that it would pass. I started seeing a therapist to help me work through things, and she told me to look at the four basic aspects of my life, family, friends, romance, and work, and to figure out which of those areas were causing me the most stress.

"After a lot of self-reflection, I decided it was friends and romance. I don't really have a lot of friends besides you, and things with Eddie weren't feeling right. So I thought I should make some more friends and spend more time with Eddie."

"But that didn't work?" he guessed.

"That didn't work," she confirmed. Her breathing got a little shaky, and she squeezed her eyes shut. He could tell that this was it. This was the difficult part, the part she needed to tell him, the part he might want to keep from Eddie.

"It didn't work," she continued, "because I realized I had you and Eddie in the wrong categories."

His insides went cold. "What?"

Iris' eyes filled with tears as she looked up at him. "I realized I was in love with you, Barry."

He didn't know what to say. What did you say to the girl you loved your whole life, whose ex-boyfriend you were now dating, when she told you she broke up with him for you?

"I didn't realize it completely at first," she said. "But I knew I wasn't being fair to Eddie, so I broke it off. What I told him was the truth. But I was still confused, and I knew my answers wouldn't help him or give him closure, so I avoided him. And I avoided you because I was avoiding my feelings. But as time went on, I recognized them for what they were, so when I came over a few weeks ago…"

"You were going to tell me you loved me," Barry whispered.

"And you told me you were dating Eddie," she whispered back.

"Jesus." Barry sighed and sat back on the couch, pressing the heels of his palms into his eyes. "What the fuck."

"I know," she murmured. "That's why I freaked out. Not because I'm homophobic or biphobic, but because the man I love didn't love me."

"I loved you my whole life, Iris!" Barry exclaimed, sitting up and looking at her. "I loved you for years!"

A tear rolled down her cheek. "I know."

"You knew?" he snapped. "You knew and you did nothing?"

"I thought of you like a brother!" she replied. "You were just always there. I was so used to you being there that I didn't give you much thought until…until you weren't there anymore."

"When I was in the coma."

"Yeah. And now you're with Eddie."

"Now I'm with Eddie," he repeated, shaking his head.

Here he was, being offered everything he'd ever wanted. His whole life, he'd dreamed of this moment, of Iris realizing that she loved him too. They'd run to each other, confessing their feelings, and laughing that they didn't realize sooner. They'd get married, and Joe would give her away, and they'd live in this house and raise their kids together.

Barry looked at her, really looked at her. He looked at the face he'd never gotten tired of looking at. He looked at the lips he'd fantasized about kissing. He looked at the hair that he'd always wanted to run his fingers through. But it didn't feel the same anymore. He could remember feeling those things, but they weren't nearly as present anymore. Now, he just wanted those things with Eddie.

"I'm sorry, Iris," he said.

"You don't need to say it," she replied, splaying her fingers across her knees. "I know. I missed my shot."

"Iris—"

"I hope you understand why I had to tell you," she said quickly, rising from the couch. "I'm sorry for the position this puts you in with Eddie."

He watched her go, helpless to say anything to make this right, not sure that anything could. This situation was so convoluted and twisted. It would probably make for a really good television drama, but thinking that didn't help him any.

"And for the record," she said, pausing by the door, "I really am happy for you. I want you to be happy, Barry, even if it's not with me." She put a hand in her purse and extracted a tiny wrapped box. "Happy early birthday," she said, setting it on the entry table. Then she left without another word.

Barry was frozen on the armchair, a million thoughts racing through his mind faster than he could process them, and he wasn't used to things being faster than him.

Iris loved him. But he no longer loved Iris. Not in that way. Iris broke up with Eddie for Barry because she loved him, but Barry might now love Eddie. _That's something to tuck away for another time_, he thought, not wanting to open that can of worms just yet.

His phone buzzed, breaking him out of his reverie.

_Singh's pissed_, it read, from Eddie.

Barry smiled, warmth flooding through him and melting the chill that had lodged in his chest from Iris' confession.

_Headed home?_

_Yeah, coming over?_

_You bet_

Barry headed upstairs and straightened up his room, waiting for a reasonable amount of time to pass before heading to Eddie's. His capacity for self-restraint had grown immensely while dating Eddie. The need to keep up typical transport appearances was a pain, but he'd gotten a lot more productive in his waiting time.

Eddie glared at him when he opened the door, and Barry froze. Did Iris get to him already? Did Eddie want to break up with him? Why did he—

"Singh yelled at me the entire time," Eddie said, stepping aside to let Barry in. "I tried telling him it was an abuse of workplace boundaries to expect me to be your keeper, but he didn't listen. He just kept yelling."

"Joe didn't stop him?"

"You kidding?" Eddie said, raising his eyebrows. "Joe encouraged him, kept reminding him of times you've been late or done something that he thinks I should've kept you from doing."

"I'm sorry, Eddie," Barry said wrapping his arms from behind around his boyfriend's middle and hooking his chin on Eddie's shoulder.

"Anyway, what happened?" Eddie asked.

"Small emergency with Cisco and Caitlin," he lied. "Nobody's hurt, but I needed to help them."

Eddie frowned. "As long as everyone's okay."

"Yeah. Definitely."

Eddie turned his head to lightly kiss Barry, then extracted himself from Barry's arms. He began humming under his breath as he pulled leftovers out of the fridge to heat up for them.

Barry smiled, watching him, trying to memorize the happy look on his face. He wouldn't tell Eddie, he decided. Iris was right. He didn't want Eddie to know. He just didn't want to put that grief-stricken look on Eddie's face again. This would feel like a betrayal on another level, and Eddie was happy now, so what did it matter in the end?

He strode into the kitchen and put his hands on Eddie's hips, turning him around so they faced each other. Then, before Eddie could say anything, he put one arm securely around Eddie's waist and one hand on the back of his neck, and kissed him. And once their lips met, any doubts he'd been having about Iris vanished. This was definitely what he wanted. Eddie was _who_ he wanted. He tried to put everything he could into this kiss. He tried to convey how much he cared for Eddie, how much he wanted to be with Eddie, how much he was dedicated to Eddie.

Judging from the dazed expression on Eddie's face when Barry pulled away, he'd likely succeeded.

"Wow," Eddie breathed. "What was that for?"

"Just for being you," Barry replied, then kissed him again.


	60. Happy birthday.

Barry was asleep, having a pleasant dream in which he was running through space, gazing around in awe at all the planetary bodies around him, when he was awoken by something jostling the bed. He sat up, arms flailing wildly, until he realized Eddie was laughing at him.

"Where's the fire, pal?" Eddie asked.

"Wh-what?" he stuttered, confused and still half-asleep. "Who's attacking? Fire?"

"Nobody's attacking, you weirdo," Eddie replied. "Unless I'm attacking you with pancakes."

Barry looked down and saw a breakfast tray was resting on his lap, the legs on either side of his hips, and he realized that must've bee what woke him. Sure enough, there was a massive stack of blueberry pancakes sitting before him, with a dipping bowl of syrup, a side of fruit, and a helping of bacon and eggs.

"What'd I do to deserve this?" Barry asked, reaching for the fork and knife that were resting on the tray.

"You're kidding, right?"

Barry frowned, looking up at his boyfriend, whose eyebrows rose with incredulity.

"You forgot your own birthday?" Eddie asked.

"Oh, right," Barry said, glancing at the clock on Eddie's bedside table. "I guess I did."

Eddie flopped down beside Barry on the bed, and Barry steadied the glass of milk to keep it from slopping over the edge.

"How is that possible?" Eddie asked. "I love birthdays."

Barry shrugged. The real truth was that there had been a rise in crime, rumors of another speedster, and the fact that Iris had dropped an emotional bomb on him just yesterday. He hadn't opened her present. But instead of saying all that, he admitted a truth from his childhood.

"I just never liked making a big deal about my birthday growing up cause I missed my parents," he said.

"Oh. Oh shit. I didn't—"

"You planned something, didn't you?"

"Yeah, I gotta make some calls," Eddie mumbled, moving to get up from the bed.

Barry caught his wrist. "Hey. It doesn't make me sad now. I know that there are people in my life who lo—care about me," he said, blushing slightly. "I'm sure I will enjoy whatever it is you have planned."

"Are you sure?" Eddie asked. "We don't have to."

"I'm gonna love it," Barry said.

Eddie smiled, then leaned in to kiss him. "Happy birthday, Barry Allen."

"Thank you very much, Eddie Thawne."


	61. I'll pick it up after work.

Barry bounded over to Eddie's desk, plopping down into the chair and putting his feet on the edge of the desk before Eddie could even utter a greeting.

"So!" Barry said.

Eddie raised an eyebrow. "Nice to see you too, dear. Now feet off my desk, please?"

"Sorry." Barry removed his feet and sat forward. "So, I sent a package to your place."

"Oh?" Eddie asked, sounding intrigued.

"It's not for you, sorry," Barry said. "It's a Father's Day present for Joe."

"Father's Day is months away."

"I know, but I saw it and I knew I'd forget by the time June rolled around," Barry said. "And I didn't want it to arrive at the house cause Joe opens my mail."

"He what?"

"Yeah, he opens my mail."

"That's illegal," Eddie sputtered. "That's literally illegal. He's a cop, that's—"

"Please don't report him to the federal government," Barry said. "It's not usually a big deal."

"But—"

"It's his whole 'I can do anything in my house' thing. It's weird, I know," Barry continued. "So anyway, when do you get off?"

"Keep it PG in the workplace, boys," one of the uniformed officers called as she walked by.

Everyone within earshot began laughing and jeering, and they both blushed scarlet. In order to keep everything above water, Singh had them formally announce their relationship to the entire department, which was probably one of the most mortifying moments in Barry's life. Fortunately, aside from the copious amounts of teasing they now had to endure, everything had gone smoothly.

"Anyway, I'll pick it up after work if you're off too," Barry said, trying to ignore the remnants of chuckles still going on around them.

"Actually, can, uh, we go to your lab?" Eddie asked, glancing around at all the people who were watching them.

"Fine, but you know what they're gonna do," Barry whispered.

"It'll be better this way, trust me."

They got up from their chairs and began heading toward the staircase to get to Barry's lab.

Predictably, Singh yelled, "Lab door stays open!" and a chorus of "oooh" followed them up the stairs.

"Really?" Barry asked loudly as they walked up the stairs. "Are we all still in middle school?"

Everyone laughed, even Barry, and he rolled his eyes as they went up the stairs and disappeared down the hall. Despite his good nature about the teasing, he sighed with relief when they entered the lab. They left the door open, but at least there was more privacy up here. He sat down on one of the stool and smiled at Eddie.

"What's up?" he asked.

"Well I've been meaning to give you this," Eddie said. "Seems like now is as good a time as any."

He pulled something out of his pocket, and for a moment Barry's brain short-circuited and thought he was going to pull out a ring. _Is he proposing? He can't propose. We haven't even exchanged 'I love you.' This is way too fast. What will everyone think? There's no way this'll work. He can't_—

"Here."

Eddie uncurled his fingers and held his hand out, and Barry saw a silver key resting on the palm of his hand. Barry clapped a hand to his chest, willing his heart rate to go down, and smiled at his boyfriend.

"Really?" he asked, reaching out and plucking the key from Eddie's hand.

"I mean, you're over all the time anyway," Eddie said. "Now you can be over even more. If you want to."

"Yeah, yes, I…thank you," Barry said, pulling his keys out of his pocket and immediately attaching Eddie's to them. "I would give you a key to my place, but—"

"Yeah, no." Eddie wrinkled his nose. "I'm good."

Barry smiled. "So is this, like, symbolically the key to your heart or something?"

"You cheesy, romantic weirdo," Eddie said, stepping closer.

"You like it," Barry murmured, then tilted his head so Eddie could kiss him.

"Thawne! Allen!" Singh snapped as he walked by the lab.

"But the door was open!" Barry exclaimed as Eddie took several long steps backwards. They looked at each other, then started laughing, and Barry was sure he'd never been this happy in his life.


	62. It can wait until tomorrow.

"There he is!" Eddie exclaimed when Barry opened the door the next day.

"Did you lock it just so I could unlock it with my key?" Barry asked.

"Maaaaaybe," Eddie said slyly, setting his laptop on the coffee table and walking over to him.

Barry closed the door behind him and slipped his keys back into his pocket. "Well, the good news is it works."

"That _is_ good news," Eddie said, pulling Barry into him. "Now you have access to me 24/7."

"I like the sound of that," Barry murmured, putting his hands on the back of Eddie's head and kissing him roughly.

Eddie groaned into Barry's mouth, which sent flutters down his body as he kissed Eddie more. Eddie responded by pushing him back lightly until his back hit the door. Eddie's body pressed against him, his hands sliding around Barry's waist, teasing the bare skin just under his shirt.

"Oh shit," Barry moaned as Eddie kissed along his jaw and neck, then sucked lightly at the dip between Barry's collarbones. Barry curled his fingers into Eddie's hair, pulling him back so Barry could kiss him again and again and again.

They still hadn't gone 'all the way,' as one would say. They'd gotten closer, definitely closer. There'd been some rutting and grinding here and there, the occasional experimental touches, but both of them were still a little too nervous. Those nerves dissipated more and more with every hard on, though, and Barry was getting tired of getting himself off in Eddie's bathroom when he could be getting off in Eddie's bed. Or against Eddie's door.

"Wait," Barry said, spying the laptop on Eddie's coffee table.

"Fuck," Eddie said, pulling away from Barry's neck. He dropped his hands immediately and took a step back to give Barry space. "I'm sorry, I—"

"No," Barry said sternly. "Don't apologize for that. That was great." He adjusted his pants. "Too great. But what were you working on?"

"Oh, nothing," Eddie said dismissively.

"It was your blog post for CCPD, wasn't it?"

The mayor was launching a new initiative to humanize the police department in the public's eye and make them seem more like real people and not just scary badges. Once a week, an officer was supposed to make a blog post about their life and everyday routines. This week was supposed to be Eddie's week.

"Eddie, come on, you've had a month to write it!" Barry exclaimed.

"It can wait until tomorrow," Eddie said in his seduction voice as he stepped toward Barry again.

"It most certainly cannot," Barry countered, escaping Eddie's approach and walking over to the couch. "It's supposed to go up on the website tomorrow."

"Exactly! I've got some time in the morning," Eddie replied.

"You have like two paragraphs written," Barry criticized.

"There's not much to write about," Eddie said, rubbing the back of his head. "All the other officers so far have written these great pieces about their lives. Jones wrote about his family. Dicourte wrote about her mountain climbing hobby and her dream to climb Everest. McKay volunteers with at-risk youth shelters. Me? All I do is policework."

"Damn good policework."

"Thanks, babe, but the mayor wants us to write about our lives outside of the police department."

"You could write about me," Barry said with a grin.

Eddie rolled his eyes. "One, I don't think you actually want that. Two, you work for the police department, so I don't think it counts. Three, I think Singh's got dibs on the gay story."

"Fair points."

"I don't have anything to go on," Eddie said, sitting heavily on the couch. "It's honestly making me feel pretty crappy."

Barry wrapped an arm around Eddie's shoulders. "Hey, you're more than just policework. Also, I don't think anything will humanize the police more to the public than a guy who doesn't really know what he's doing. Isn't that the boat all of us are in? Jones, Dicourte, and McKay are just fooling themselves."

"Yeah, I'm sure Jones is fooling himself with his happy, healthy wife and children," Eddie replied sarcastically.

"Okay, Jones is a lucky bastard, but come on," Barry said. "You've got more going for you than you think. Write about what you want to do in the future, or write about your childhood and how you became who you are today."

"Or we could keep making out," Eddie said in a low voice, leaning over to kiss Barry's neck.

Goosebumps ran up Barry's body, but he dodged out of the way. "I want to, believe me, but I also want the new mayor to not kill you. So get to writing."

Eddie sighed heavily and with annoyance, but grabbed his laptop and began typing slowly. Barry smiled, plucked a book off of Eddie's shelf, sat down in an armchair, and read. At a normal speed, for once.

A couple hours later, Eddie finally shut his laptop with a sigh. Barry glanced up at him, immediately sped through the rest of the book, and smiled at him as he closed it.

"Done?" Barry asked.

"Yes," Eddie replied. "Emailed it off to Singh and everything."

"Wow, that was fast," Barry replied.

"I had good motivation," Eddie said, getting up from the couch and striding over to Barry.

"Oh yeah?" Barry asked with a grin, setting the book on the end table next to him. "My pep talk did the trick?"

"More like the promise of this when I was done," Eddie all but growled as he straddled Barry in the chair.

"Well I'm happy to provide motivation any time you need," Barry said, tilting his head up as Eddie crashed into him.


	63. Cross my heart and hope to die.

"And you'll text me when your flight lands, right?" Barry asked.

"I promise."

"You won't forget? You always forget."

"Cross my heart and hope to die," Eddie replied.

"Please don't die."

"It's just a police conference."

"A police conference where you test new dangerous weapons," Barry argued.

"We've been over this. It's gonna be fine," Eddie said. "You're just jealous you don't get to play with them."

"There's only one thing at that conference I would want to play with," Barry whispered into the phone.

"Oh my god," Eddie laughed.

"Bad?"

"Bad."

"Okay, well, I'll let you go," Barry said reluctantly. "Text me when you land."

"Will do. Bye, Barry."

"Bye, Eddie."

Barry locked his phone and tucked it into his pocket, then walked into the control room, where Caitlin and Cisco were watching him with raised eyebrows.

"What?" he asked.

"There's only one thing you want to play with?" Cisco repeated.

Barry blushed crimson. "How did you hear that?"

"We were listening in on your conversation," Caitlin replied simply.

"Wh-why would—that's—you can't—"

"I hacked your call and was going to forcibly hang up if you didn't end the call soon," Cisco said. "You've been skipping on training, and we've allowed it because honeymoon phase and all, but it's time to get serious, bro!"

"That is wrong," Barry said, folding his arms.

"We promise to never do it again," Caitlin said. "But…"

"But what?!"

"You haven't…right?" Cisco asked.

Barry frowned. "What?"

"Cisco's asking if you've had sex yet."

Barry didn't know it was possible, but he managed to turn an even deeper shade of red. "Don't tell me you have bets on that, too!"

"Of course not!" Cisco exclaimed in a voice that was too high to be normal.

"Cisco!" Barry yelled. "Cait—"

"He tried to make a bet with me but I didn't take it," Caitlin said. "We are simply asking as your best friends and people who you're supposed to talk about this stuff with."

"It's…I…this…" he stammered. "It's weird and embarrassing."

"It's not weird!" Cisco countered. "Sex between two consenting adults is never weird. I mean, it can get weird, if you're into that, but—"

"What Cisco means to say," Caitlin interrupted, "is that we know this is new for you, and we're here to talk if you need."

Barry took a deep breath, ran his hands over his head, and sighed. "Okay. No. We haven't. But…but I really want to."

"What's stopping you?" Caitlin asked.

He shrugged. "It's like you said. It's new. I don't know…I don't know who's supposed to do what, and I feel scared but also silly for being scared."

"Have you done research?" she asked.

"Like what?"

"Porn," Cisco said blankly.

"No!" Caitlin snapped. "Porn creates unhealthy and unrealistic expectations for sex, not to mention all of the shady things the industry can do because there are no federal regulations in place. Also, it treats women horribly, even in the reputable companies, which I guess wouldn't be an issue in the research you'd be doing, but—" She stopped, blushing heavily. "Anyway. No."

Barry and Cisco looked at each other and shrugged, which caused Caitlin to groan with exasperation.

"No, I haven't watched any guy on guy porn," Barry said.

"I think you should read articles and blog posts about it," Caitlin said. "Or even YouTube videos. There's a lot of creators dedicated to making inclusive safe sex education videos."

"Bottom line though, dude?" Cisco said. "Talk to Eddie. I'm sure he's feeling all the same stuff you are. Communication is key."

"Yeah, you're right," Barry said. "Thanks, guys."

"Of course," Caitlin said with a smile.

"We got your back, bro!" Cisco replied.

"Alright. So, training…" Barry said, clearing his throat.


	64. It's two sugars, right?

Barry placed his coffee mug under the spout of the coffee machine in the breakroom when he suddenly felt a pair of arms around him and a kiss pressed to his cheek. Barry turned and smiled at Eddie. He'd been back from the police conference for a few days now, but he'd been particularly clingy since his return. Barry wasn't complaining.

"I was hoping that was you," Barry said.

"Well gosh," Eddie said, letting go and leaning against the counter beside him, "it'd be awkward if it wasn't."

Barry laughed. "You're lucky nobody saw that."

"Not luck," Eddie replied. "Strategic planning."

"Oh?"

"I saw you walk into the breakroom, then saw Kinney start over, but I not-so-accidentally knocked his papers off his desk, so he had to pick them up while I performed my sneak attack."

"You criminal mastermind."

"He should be here in three…two…one…presto," Eddie said, nodding to the door, where Kinney walked in, glaring at Eddie.

"I should report you two," Kinney said.

"For what? We're just talking," Eddie replied. "And the papers were an accident."

Kinney scoffed and rolled his eyes, pulling his lunch bag out of the fridge and stalking out.

"You shouldn't antagonize him so much," Barry replied.

"He's a rookie. He has to endure this," Eddie said. "Besides, I'm nicer to him than anyone else."

Barry rolled his eyes. "You want one?" he asked, reaching to pull Eddie's coffee mug off the rack.

"Yes please," Eddie said in an almost sing-song voice.

"Two sugars, right?"

Eddie sighed with happiness. "You know me so well."


	65. I'll help you study.

Barry's head swam. There was so much more to the world of sex than he knew. And so much terminology. _Rim job, pitcher and catcher, tossing salad, bear, analingus, fellatio, _etc. He didn't consider himself vanilla or uneducated when it came to sex, he just hadn't explored it in this sort of fashion before. He'd been researching for a week now whenever he found himself alone, which was surprisingly not often, but there was still loads more to uncover.

He had just opened an article on saliva versus lube when it comes to anal sex when he heard Eddie's key slide into the lock and open the door. He slammed his laptop shut, luckily not so hard that it broke, and Eddie raised his eyebrows.

"What'cha looking at?" Eddie asked.

"Nothing," Barry replied.

"Not nothing," Eddie said, smiling deviously. "What are you looking at?"

"Nothing!" Barry said, hugging the laptop to his chest.

"Why don't you want me to see?" Eddie ran toward him, and Barry got up and ran away.

And that was how two grown men began chasing each other around the apartment. Ironically, one of those men happened to be a speedster and could've easily escaped the other if he didn't have to keep his powers a secret. The thought of secrets brought Cisco's advice to mind: _Communication is key._

Barry sighed and stopped running, and Eddie came up and hugged him from behind.

"Tell me!" Eddie begged.

"Okay, but…" Barry sighed. "You can't make fun of me."

"I can't make that promise."

Barry rolled his eyes and sighed again, extracting himself from Eddie's arms and sitting on the couch again. Eddie followed him and sat beside him.

"What is it?" Eddie asked.

"I was doing…research."

"On?"

Barry swallowed tightly. "Sex."

"Oh," Eddie said, then smiled softly. "Okay."

"I just…I think I'm almost ready," Barry said quietly. "I know we haven't talked about it much at all. And I enjoy what we do now, really."

"Me too."

"But I do want to do more with you. I'm just…I'm just nervous, and Cisco and Caitlin recommended doing research to help me be less nervous," Barry said quickly. "It's stupid, though, and now I'm just embarrassed."

"It's not stupid," Eddie said. "I've actually been doing some research too."

"Really?" Barry turned to him with wide eyes. "I didn't think you were nervous at all! You've seemed so confident throughout this whole thing. Like you were the one who asked me out, you researched and picked a sexuality label, and you've seemed ready from the get-go."

"I'm really nervous, Bar. It's uncharted territory for me, and for you," Eddie said, putting an arm up on the back of the couch. "If I seemed ready from the get-go it's just because I'm ready for anything with you. And I don't like appearing nervous. I was bullied as a kid, remember, so I don't like being vulnerable. I'm sorry if I made you feel like you were the only one with worries."

"No, it's okay," Barry said, rubbing Eddie's knee.

"So open it up," Eddie said, nodding to the laptop. "I can help you study," he said with a grin.

"Really?"

"Why not? This way we can research together and discuss what we might like, or what boundaries we have, before we're in the heat of the moment. Less pressure this way, don't you think?"

"Okay," Barry said, then settled against Eddie and opened the laptop. "I still think this is a little embarrassing."

"Well if we're embarrassed reading about it then we're going to be more embarrassed doing it," Eddie said.

"Fair point." Barry pulled up the article about lube again. "But we're not watching porn together."

"At least not yet."

"Caitlin says it creates unhealthy and unrealistic expectations."

"Fair point," Eddie replied.


	66. Stay over.

Barry's heart beat a little nervously as he walked up the stairs to Eddie's apartment. After a few days of research and discussion and some hands-on experiments, they'd decided they were ready. And so, they were having date night tonight. Eddie was cooking them dinner, and then they were going to have sex. Most likely. Hopefully.

He opened the door and walked in, closing it softly behind him.

"Hey!" Eddie greeted, turning the heat off on the stove, taking off the apron, and walking over to him.

"For you, sir," Barry said, bowing dramatically and holding out the bouquet he'd brought.

"Why, you shouldn't have," Eddie replied in a terrible Southern accent as he took the flowers.

Barry laughed and straightened up, kissing Eddie quickly. "Dinner ready?"

"Just about. Want to open the wine?"

"Sure thing."

Barry walked over to the dining table and pulled the chardonnay out of the ice bucket. "What'd you make?" he asked as he popped the cork out.

"Asparagus and gruyere ravioli," Eddie answered.

"That sounds fancy," Barry replied.

"Relatively."

"And you're sure you didn't burn it?" Barry teased.

Eddie shot him a look. "I was very careful."

The truth was, Eddie was going for fancy. A white tablecloth covered the table, with nice cloth napkins sitting beside their plates. Tapered candles flickered, their flames reflected in the shiny surfaces of the wine glasses. Barry was very thankful Eddie had practiced more cooking since the chicken incident. He was also thankful this dish didn't have any chicken in it.

Eddie dished out their servings and carried the plates over to the dining table while Barry poured them each a glass of wine. The food was delicious, and Barry ended up getting himself a second helping. Conversation flowed between them even if the wine didn't. Barry denied a second glass because he felt bad wasting it on himself, and Eddie didn't want another either. They'd decided that drunk sex was a no-go between them, considering consent issues and all, and especially since Barry couldn't get drunk. Not that Eddie knew that, of course.

Once they'd finished eating, Barry helped Eddie pile the dishes in the sink. They quickly rinsed the dishes so the food residue wouldn't dry to them, and then Eddie turned to Barry with a smile.

"So, will you stay over tonight?" he asked quietly.

Barry stayed over every night, of course, but he knew what Eddie was really asking. "Yes," he said, smiling brightly despite the fluttering in his heart.

"Yes?"

"Yes. Yes, please."

"Yes," Eddie breathed, then grabbed Barry's face and kissed him hard.

Barry moaned as Eddie pressed him into the counter. He braced one hand against the counter, then snaked the other around Eddie's neck, pushing his fingers through the short blond hair at the base of Eddie's neck. Eddie kissed down Barry's jaw and neck, then sucked at Barry's collarbone while he fiddled with the buttons of Barry's shirt.

Once Eddie got the first button undone, he made quick work of the others, then pushed it off of Barry's shoulders. Barry let the shirt fall to the floor, then quickly pulled his undershirt off. Before Eddie could return to kissing Barry's chest and shoulders, Barry stepped to the side, his fingers wrapped around Eddie's belt.

"Come on," he whispered, tugging Eddie toward the bedroom.

Eddie grinned, then followed Barry's lead.

They stumbled into the bedroom, Barry's belt already undone and Eddie's shirt untucked. Barry got the buttons of Eddie's shirt open, then pulled the clothing off of Eddie's body, exposing the muscled torso underneath. He leaned down, kissing across Eddie's pecs, then gently pushed Eddie back onto the bed.

Eddie laughed as he bounced against the mattress scooting himself back as Barry crawled slowly over him. He laid his body down over Eddie's, slotting one leg between Eddie's as he kissed him again. He could feel Eddie's erection against his hip, and he rolled his pelvis into him.

The movement elicited a rough groan from Eddie, which made Barry smiled. He licked up the side of Eddie's neck, then sucked at the hollow just underneath Eddie's ear. Eddie's fingers dug into Barry's hips as Barry kept rolling them against him.

"Fuck, Bar," Eddie moaned, turning his head so he could kiss Barry again.

Their mouths slid against each other while Eddie weaseled his hands between their bodies to try to unbutton Barry's pants. Barry straightened up suddenly, causing Eddie to whine with annoyance, but he stopped when Barry reached down and undid the button on Eddie's pants.

Eddie grinned as Barry slid the zipper down. Barry got off the bed, taking his own pants off while Eddie watched salaciously. Once Barry had kicked his feet free of his pants, he leaned over and tugged at Eddie's pants. Eddie lifted his hips, allowing Barry to shimmy them off his hips. He pulled the pants off, and stared down at Eddie's erection pressing through the thin cotton of his underwear. Barry thought he could see a spot of precum soaking through the fabric.

Barry dove back onto the bed, kissing Eddie fiercely. Eddie surprised Barry by getting an arm and leg around him, then rolling them over to Eddie was now on top. Eddie pressed his body against Barry, bringing their erections together again, which elicited deep moans from the both of them.

"God, you're so hot," Eddie whispered.

"Not as hot as you," Barry replied with a grin.

Eddie leaned down and kissed him again. Barry's skin burned everywhere Eddie touched him, and he yearned for more. His brain was buzzing, he couldn't think straight, he didn't know anything aside from how much he wanted Eddie.

He saw stars when he felt Eddie's fingers dance along the hem of his boxers. "This okay?" Eddie asked huskily.

"Yes, yes," Barry whined.

Eddie's hand dipped below the elastic, and Barry almost blacked out when Eddie's hand wrapped around him and gave an experimental tug. Barry gasped, then Eddie pulled his hand back out.

"One sec," he said, then leaned over to his bedside table, opening up a drawer and pulling out his container of lube. "This'll be better," Eddie said as he squirted some into his hand.

Barry nodded, then, watched as Eddie went back down, gripped him, and pulled his hand up and down along Barry's length. Barry arched his back and moaned, his mind going blank. His hands flailed, trying to find a place to rest. Eddie hovered above him, watching Barry's expression with a smile.

"Kiss me," Barry breathed.

Eddie obliged, their tongues mingling as Eddie's hand continued rubbing him. One of Barry's hands gripped Eddie's hair as the other found Eddie's erection and fondled it through his underwear. Eddie groaned into Barry's mouth, and Barry let out a cry as Eddie lightly bit his lip.

"T-Take them off," Barry whispered, and Eddie quickly moved so he could strip Barry of his underwear. He started stroking Barry again, and Barry tilted his head, digging it into the pillow.

"You wanna cum like this?" Eddie asked.

"Y-Yes," Barry grunted. "While kissing you."

Eddie put his other arm behind Barry's head, settling down next to him, and resumed his rhythm. Then he leaned over and kissed Barry sensually, dragging their mouths together and apart, together and apart.

Barry's hand found its way under the hem of Eddie's boxer briefs, tugging lightly at Eddie's cock, but he was too distracted by Eddie's actions to really do much. Eddie didn't mind. He'd get his turn. For now, he was plenty pleased with pleasing Barry.

Barry made a short little gasp, followed by another, and Eddie saw the muscles in his abs and thighs tighten.

"Close?" he asked against Barry's mouth.

Barry nodded, kissing Eddie fiercely, moving his hips rhythmically with Eddie's hand. Then his hips stuttered, he pulled his face away from Eddie's, and his orgasm began. Eddie stroked him through it as Barry ejaculated onto his stomach, groaning loudly as he came.

"Oh my god," Barry breathed once he regained enough brain power to form somewhat coherent thoughts.

"Good?" Eddie asked with a grin.

"So good," Barry replied, smiling up at Eddie's face. He looked at Eddie's kiss-swollen lips, at his wide, dark pupils, at the look of adoration in his eyes. "Give me a moment."

"No worries," Eddie replied, then grabbed a tissue from the bedside table and cleaned Barry up.

"Thanks," Barry said, his recovery almost done.

"Of—" He was interrupted by Barry kissing him fiercely.

Barry rolled Eddie over onto his back, then straddled his hips. He licked his palm and then reached down to take Eddie in his hand, his heart beating with nerves. Eddie moaned, biting his lip in pleasure. Barry continued stroking him, experimenting a little between what he knew he liked, what he'd read about, and what Eddie said he liked. He was struck by a sudden desire, though, and he blushed at himself.

"C-Can I…can I go down on you?" Barry asked.

Eddie sucked in a breath and nodded, apparently at a loss for words.

Barry smiled at him, then moved backwards and adjusted so he was laying between Eddie's legs. Eddie's erection stood before him, and he found he wasn't as intimidated as he thought he'd be. He saw Eddie watching him out the corner of his eyes, and he found this bolstered him rather than intimidated him.

Tentatively, he leaned over and licked around the head of Eddie's cock, and Eddie's eyes slid closed as he moaned. Barry licked his palm again and wrapped it around the base, then put his mouth over Eddie and sucked. Eddie's hips bucked as he moaned.

The weight on Barry's tongue and in his mouth was definitely unlike anything he'd ever experienced, but he found he liked it. He liked giving Eddie pleasure, and it wasn't as weird as he thought it might be.

Careful to keep his teeth covered, Barry slowly began to move his head, taking more of Eddie into his mouth. One of Eddie's hands reached down and tangled itself in his hair, tugging slightly. Barry bobbed up and down, and Eddie moaned.

He decided to experiment some. He licked up Eddie's erection, then ran his mouth up and down the side of it. Then he returned to sucking. Eddie just moaned and groaned through it all. Barry found that he didn't really know what he was doing, but he figured it didn't matter as long as he was doing it enthusiastically.

"M-My balls," Eddie grunted.

"Like this?" Barry asked, keeping one hand on Eddie's cock, then used one hand to squeeze and pull at Eddie's balls.

Eddie groaned in response, and Barry grinned. Eddie started rocking his hips a little, so Barry kept his head still and let Eddie slide in and out of his mouth as he fondled Eddie's balls. Eddie's rhythm sped up a little, and Barry kept going, noting the way Eddie hand kept spasming and shifting its grip in his hair.

"Close," Eddie grunted. "Stroke me."

Barry removed his mouth, not quite willing to have Eddie orgasm in his mouth just yet, and kept a steady rhythm until Eddie finally came, shooting up and onto his belly. Some landed on Barry's hand, and he surreptitiously licked it off while Eddie was still in post-orgasm fog. It wasn't the worst, but it still wasn't great. It would probably just take some getting used to, but he was glad it didn't all go in his mouth.

He grabbed the tissues Eddie had used earlier and wiped the rest of the mess off of Eddie's abs, then laid down beside his boyfriend.

"Good?" Barry asked.

"Great," Eddie answered, then kissed him softly.

They laid there, exchanging sweet, gentle, post-coital kisses until they both dropped off to sleep.


	67. I did the dishes.

Barry rose when the sun did and found he couldn't get back to sleep, so he took the time to take a lap around the state, patrol the city for a bit, and wash the dishes before Eddie even stirred. He knew he would have to tell Eddie about his powers eventually, but he wanted to live in this bubble of normalcy for a little while longer. Plus, not telling Eddie kept Eddie safe, and that was what mattered to Barry most.

A couple hours later, he heard Eddie stirring in the bedroom and walked back inside. Eddie frowned at him from where he laid on the mattress, his sleep-mussed hair sticking up on one side.

"You were gone," Eddie said whined. "I thought you were pranking me."

"Sorry, babe," Barry replied. "I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep."

He crawled back into the bed, pressing himself against Eddie's warm body.

"I washed the dishes though," Barry said. "And that's not an April Fool's joke."

"Aw, you didn't have to do that."

"I know." Barry stretched his neck and kissed the underside of Eddie's jaw.

Eddie made a happy noise in the back of his throat, bringing one hand up to play with Barry's hair. "Last night wasn't a dream, was it?"

Barry chuckled and nuzzled Eddie's neck. "Definitely not."

"Mm," Eddie hummed happily.

"I could refresh your memory," Barry murmured, "if the details are fuzzy."

Eddie's fingers trailed down his side to where the hem of Barry's shirt was riding up. "I mean, if you're offering…"

Barry laughed, but Eddie silenced him with a kiss that quickly led to something more.


	68. You didn't have to ask.

Eddie and Barry walked to work the next day, all smiles and nervous laughter. If they'd been in the honeymoon phase before, this was something else entirely. This was the honeymoon phase and cloud nine and heaven all rolled into one.

"Hey, can I come over after work?" Barry asked.

"Yeah, of course," Eddie said. "You know, you don't have to ask."

"You want me to just walk in?"

"I gave you a key for a reason."

"Yeah, but just walking in? Even when you're not there?" Barry asked. "It feels…I dunno, almost like breaking in."

"That's what the key is for," Eddie replied with a laugh. "I'm just saying, I want you to feel welcome there. Yes, you can be there when I'm not. Yes, you can come over whenever."

"That almost sounds like living together," Barry pointed out.

Eddie shrugged. "Or a step in that direction."

Barry ducked his head and grinned at the sidewalk, then at Eddie. Eddie smiled back, then Barry—heart in his lungs and hope in his chest—leaned over and kissed him quickly. The shocked look on Eddie's face almost made Barry backtrack, but then Eddie pulled him in for another.

"Our first public kiss," Eddie murmured once they started walking again.

"Feels good," Barry said, taking Eddie's hand.

"Feels great."


	69. I bought you a ticket.

"Guess who is the best boyfriend in the whole world?" Eddie sang as he walked into the apartment.

Barry looked up at him. "I think I'm supposed to say you?"

"Winner winner chicken dinner!" Eddie exclaimed, closing the door behind him before bounding over to Barry.

"Are we having chicken for dinner?" Barry asked, wrinkling his nose.

Eddie shot him a look.

"Okay, I give. What's up?"

Eddie smiled again. "The Museum of Natural History is sponsoring a dinosaur egg hunt for Easter next week and I bought you a ticket."

"Oh my god!" Barry leapt up from the couch and gripped Eddie's arms. "Really? I always wanted to do this as a kid. Wait. Isn't this only for kids?"

"They have an adult version," Eddie replied. "Not as cool, but still. Am I the best boyfriend in the whole world?"

"The best of the best," Barry said, peppering kisses all over Eddie's face.

100WAYS

The Natural History Museum was swarming with kids when they parked in the event parking lot the next week.

"My god," Barry said, a little awe in his voice. "I don't think I've seen this many kids before in my life."

"Not even when you were a kid?" Eddie asked.

"Well, yeah when I was a kid, but that's different," Barry replied.

"Barry Allen. Are you scared of kids?" Eddie teased as he locked the car.

"Not scared," Barry said tersely. "It's just that they have unrefined motor skills and zero impulse control."

Eddie laughed and took Barry by the arm. "I'll protect you, my dear."

Barry groaned good naturedly and let himself be guided in. The main lobby was filled with even more children and harried parents and chaperones. Museum guides with colored signs tried keeping their assigned groups together while waiting for everyone to check in.

"Hello!" greeted the check-in lady enthusiastically. "What's your child's name?"

"O-Oh, um, no child," Barry said.

"We're here for the adult event," Eddie said, then shook his head. "That sounded bad. The adult egg hunt, I mean."

"Oh! It's you two!" she exclaimed.

Barry raised his eyebrows. "Us two?"

She smiled kindly. "Well, actually, you two are the only ones who signed up for the adult egg hunt," she said, "So we cancelled it. You should've gotten an email?"

"I didn't…" Eddie mumbled, pulling out his phone. "Oh. Spam."

"Ah, yes, that sometimes happens. Anyway, you can join in with one of the kids groups or we can give you complimentary day passes to the museum."

Eddie turned to Barry. "I'm so sorry, Bar. We can just tour the—"

"Nah, let's do it," Barry said with a shrug.

"But—"

"I'd still be fulfilling a childhood dream," he pointed out. "Besides, I always have fun when I'm with you."

Eddie smiled, reaching down and squeezing Barry's hand. The check-in lady clapped her hands and smiled.

"Wonderful!" she exclaimed. "Well, you can have your pick of the groups. There are the usual plastic eggs with candy, but if you find the three special dinosaur eggs they will hold clues to the location of the special golden egg. There are multiple awards, of course, but the grand prize goes to the ground with the golden egg!"

"Thanks for your help," Barry said, then he and Eddie moved to the side to let the other parents and children sign in.

"Well, which group?" Eddie asked.

"Red's always been a lucky color for me," Barry replied with a grin, then nodded at the museum guide with the red sign and jacket.

"Let's go for it, then!" Eddie exclaimed.

Barry grinned and took his hand, then they joined the group of children with red handkerchiefs tied around their wrists.

100WAYS

"Come on, Tanner, you can do it!" Barry exclaimed, hands securely grasping the kid that was sitting on his shoulders. Tanner reached and struggled, inadvertently kicking Barry in the chest while doing so, and finally reached the dinosaur egg hiding in the tree branches.

Their group cheered as Tanner waved the egg over his head. Barry knelt down and let Tanner clamber off him and run over to Barry with the dinosaur egg.

"Good job, Tanner!" Eddie exclaimed. "Now, what does this one say, Nishi?"

The older girl bent over the note and read, "Clue number one. To blank a piece of paper. Four letters."

"Okay, what do we do with a piece of paper, kids?" Barry asked.

"Rip!"

"Fold!"

"Write!"

Eddie laughed. "Okay, 'fold' has four letters. Barry, what are the other two clues?"

"'Deck' and 'tile,'" Barry replied.

"Hmm, well fold-deck-tile doesn't make sense, does it?"

The kids all shook their heads.

"Let's keep thinking, what do we do to a piece of paper?"

"Cut!"

"Crumple!"

"Tear!"

"Throw!"

"Let's try 'tear'!" Eddie said. "Tear-deck-tile. Tear-deck-tile…"

Barry and Eddie caught each other's eyes and grinned. They knew the answer already but waited for the kids to get it.

"Pterodactyl!" a girl named Devya shrieked.

"Yes!" Eddie exclaimed. "Let's go to the pterodactyl skeleton!"

The kids got up and took off back toward the museum. Eddie jogged after, shouting, "At a safe, brisk walk!"

Barry put the dinosaur egg and clue back in the tree for any other groups to find, then walked with the museum guide after the kids.

"Sorry we kind of took over," Barry said to her.

"Are you kidding?" she asked, raising her eyebrows. "The kids love you. I've done this for three years, and this is probably the best group I've been with, and I have no doubt it's cause of you two."

Barry smiled. "I'm glad."

"Usually they don't care about the clue eggs or the grand prize. But you guys made it exciting for them. Plus it made it easier for me." She looked over at him and smiled. "You should volunteer to help out next year."

"I might," Barry said, nodding slowly.

They caught up to the group, and the kids were searching around the Dinosaur Hall near the pterodactyl skeleton.

"I found it!" Keiji screeched, climbing out from underneath the bench next to the pterodactyl. Sure enough, he held a big golden plastic egg over his head.

The kids cheered and rushed him, all jostling for the egg, but Eddie swooped in and grabbed Keiji, sitting on the bench with him in Eddie's lap.

"Okay, kid, you do the honors," Eddie said.

Keiji's smile was wide as he twisted the two halves of the egg and pulled them apart. Inside was a slip of paper, which Keiji pulled out then shoved in Eddie's face.

"Congratulations!" Eddie read as the kids wiggled in excitement. "Your group has found the golden egg. As a reward, you all get free tickets to the dinosaur theater show and fossil dig and also a bag of Easter candies!"

The kids cheered and hugged each other, and Barry and the museum guide clapped and cheered for them. They walked back to the even check-in table to claim their prizes and wait for the parents to show up.

"This was fun," Barry said, bumping Eddie with his shoulder.

"I'm glad," Eddie replied. "It could've been a bust."

"I think I liked it better this way," Barry said. "Maybe we inspired some young archaeologists."

"Maybe," Eddie said, then grinned at him. "So, still scared of kids?"

"I'm not scared of them!" Barry replied, lightly shoving him. "But I am less intimidated."

Eddie laughed and kissed him on the cheek. Then Barry felt someone grab his finger, and he looked down to see Tanner walking between them, each hand grabbing one of their fingers.

"Mr. Barry, Mr. Eddie?" Tanner asked.

"Yeah, Tan?" Eddie responded.

"You can have my bag of candy," he said.

"No, you earned those," Barry said.

"But you helped," Tanner insisted. "You should have it."

Barry stopped and knelt down so he was at eye level. Eddie did too, putting a hand on Tanner's shoulder.

"That is very generous of you, Tanner," Barry said. "But we're adults. We've had lots of bags of candy. You worked hard today, and you deserve your bag. We want you to have it."

Tanner processed this for a minute, then smiled. "Okay!" He hugged each of them quickly. "I love you Mr. Barry! I love you Mr. Eddie!" Then he ran off after the rest of the group.

They straightened and stood up, and Barry had to blink away the sudden tears.

"I like that kid," Barry said, clearing his throat.

"Because he has more impulse control?" Eddie teased.

"Yep."

"Liar."

"Yep."


	70. You're warm.

Eddie's apartment was dark when Barry let himself in. He quietly slipped off his shoes and set his keys on the table, relocking the door behind him. He padded across the living room and slipped into the bedroom, smiling at the lump of boyfriend under the blankets.

He would have been here earlier, but a metahuman popped up outside of Starling City that Oliver called him in on. It took a little longer than usual to get it under control, and it meant that Barry had to miss out on dinner with Eddie. Eddie was understanding, though, and it made Barry think for the millionth time that he should probably tell Eddie soon. But that was a thought for another night.

He quickly undressed and climbed into bed, wrapping his arms around Eddie and pressing his face into Eddie's hair, breathing in the familiar, comforting scent.

"You're warm," Eddie murmured.

"Shh, go back to sleep," Barry whispered.

"How are you warm?" Eddie asked.

"What do you mean?"

"It's freezing out. You should be cold. How are you always this warm?"

"Good circulation," Barry replied, grinning at himself. "Do you want me to be colder?"

Eddie pressed himself against Barry's chest and held Barry's arm more securely around him. "No," Eddie replied petulantly.

Barry grinned and kissed the spot just under Eddie's ear. "Goodnight, Eddie."

"G'night Bar," Eddie mumbled, then dropped back off into sleep.


	71. No reason.

Barry turned his key in the lock of Eddie's door and smiled. He loved how this felt more normal each time he did it, and he couldn't stop himself from daydreaming about the future—when he'd be letting himself into an apartment that was both of theirs.

"Hey, you're early!" Eddie exclaimed from the kitchen.

"I'm right on time," Barry said, frowning at his watch.

"Yeah, which is early for you," Eddie teased.

Barry rolled his eyes. "Okay, smartass. Why does it matter anyway? What are you making?"

"It's a surprise," Eddie replied, smiling over at him.

Barry set his wallet and keys down, still holding his own surprise behind his back. "Oh really? Whatever for?"

"No reason."

"Liar." Barry grinned and walked into the kitchen. "It's the same reason I got you these."

He pulled a bouquet of flowers and a plate of cookies out from behind his back.

"Red velvet white chocolate! My favorite!" Eddie exclaimed. "Aw, you shouldn't have."

"I didn't. Caitlin made them," Barry said, setting the dish down on the counter. "And I wasn't sure if the flowers were good or cheesy or just weird for a guy."

"How dare you get a man flowers," Eddie said, shaking his head. "I want something manly, like a bouquet of cacti and metal."

"So, good?"

Eddie smiled. "Yeah, Bar. I like flowers. There's a vase in the cabinet above the fridge."

Barry opened said cabinet and pulled out the vase. He filled it with water from the sink and then cut open the cellophane holding the flowers together and set them in the water. They were nothing really special, just a standard bouquet he found at the grocery store. But the periwinkles made him think of Eddie's eyes, so he'd bought this one.

"So," Barry said, sliding his hands around Eddie's waist. "What'cha making?"

"Coincidentally, _your_ favorite."

"Ooo, five cheese penne?"

"That's the one!"

Barry laughed and kissed Eddie's cheek. Eddie's hand stilled over the pot of boiling pasta, and he turned his head so Barry could kiss him for real.

"Happy three months," Eddie murmured.

He smiled against Eddie's lips. "Happy three months."

Barry wanted to stand there with his arms around Eddie, but he knew that wasn't conducive to good cooking, so he let go and leaned against an unused counter. Their celebration was a week late, having been put off by Easter. He'd avoided the West Family Easter Dinner by being invited out to Keystone on Saturday to have dinner with Eddie's parents, and then by the egg hunt at the museum, but it still made him sad to think about it.

But he pushed all that away because right here, right now, there was no place he'd rather be.


	72. I'll meet you halfway.

"Ow!"

"What? What happened?" Eddie looked over to where Barry was clutching the toes of his right foot.

"Caught my toe on something," Barry grunted.

"On what?"

"Dunno." Barry knelt down on the floor and began shifting around the pile of clothing and miscellaneous junk on the corner of Eddie's bedroom that Barry had been claiming as his. He found the box that Joe's father's day package had arrived in, forgotten for so long under Barry's undone laundry.

"My corner is getting ridiculous," Barry remarked, picking a pair of socks out of the box. A packing peanut static-clung to them.

"If only you had somewhere to put them," Eddie said with a sigh as if this was a great burden on him.

"I'll take some of it home with me," Barry said. "I don't need this much stuff over here anyway."

"That wasn't what I meant."

"What did you mean?" Barry glanced over at him while pulling his keys out to tear the tape on the box so he could flatten it.

"Well…" Eddie pulled a shirt over his head and shrugged. "You could, uh, move some stuff over here. If you wanted."

Barry stared at him. "Are you asking me to move in with you?"

"No, no!" Eddie exclaimed, then flushed. "No, that wasn't the intention. Not that I wouldn't love to live with you, I just—"

"Too soon," Barry said.

"Yeah." Eddie smiled. "Glad you agree."

"But you want me to move…what? More clothes? That doesn't eliminate this problem." Barry gestured to the corner again.

"I mean some small furniture pieces," Eddie said.

"That sounds like moving in," Barry replied.

"Okay, okay." Eddie rolled his eyes. "I'll meet you halfway."

"How is there a halfway?"

Eddie got up and walked over to his dresser. "How about you put your stuff," he pulled open an empty drawer, "in here?"

Barry stared at the drawer and then at Eddie and then back and forth for about a solid minute. Eddie's bright smile got dimmer as the seconds ticked by.

"Bad idea?" he asked.

Barry narrowed his eyes. "Did you plan this conversation just so you could reveal this drawer to me in a dramatic fashion?"

Eddie's grin widened again. "Maybe."

"You suggested the strange and outlandish idea of me just, like, bringing a dresser over in order to persuade me into taking a drawer?" Barry asked.

Eddie's grin diminished. "Yeah," he replied doubtfully.

"Well, lucky for you, I would've said yes anyway," Barry replied, "although I know now more than ever that my boyfriend is a huge dork."

Eddie grinned in full force. "As long as you know what you've gotten yourself into."


	73. Take mine.

The persistent buzzing of Barry's phone woke him up, but he ignored it. He was warm and cozy under the covers, and Eddie was curled against him. Barry smiled to himself when the ringer turned off, but then it started going off again. He frowned and reached over, grabbing the device and squinting at the bright screen.

"Oh shit," he said, sitting up. It was a call from Joe. He quickly sent the call to voicemail and sent a text instead of answering.

Eddie rolled off of him, grunting in annoyance.

"I've gotta go," Barry said, clambering out of bed.

"What's going on?" Eddie asked, his voice barely a mumble.

"I forgot I had to appear in court today," he replied, moving around the room as fast as he could without revealing his superspeed. "Luckily I forgot my suit jacket here last week."

"Forgot it?" Eddie repeated, grinning as he hugged the pillow he was laying on. "I ripped it off of you."

Barry blushed. "Yes, and then I forgot it. I had something else on my mind, you'll remember."

Eddie hummed with contentment in the back of his throat. Barry rolled his eyes as he threw on his dress pants, a button up shirt, and his suit jacket.

"I can't find my tie," he muttered, surreptitiously speeding through parts of the room to look for it.

"Take one of mine," Eddie replied.

Barry pulled open the closet and reached for one of Eddie's ties.

"Green," Eddie said.

"What?"

"Take a green one," Eddie replied. "It'll match your eyes."

Barry smiled and grabbed one of Eddie's green ties. After making sure that Eddie's eyes were still closed, he speedily tied it and grabbed the rest of his things. He leaned over the bed and kissed Eddie's forehead.

"I'll see you later," he said, then ran off to court.


	74. We can share.

Eddie's hands slid over Barry's shoulders, his fingers pressing and pulling against the skin in a way that drove Barry crazy. Barry was on top of him, grinding their bodies together slowly, making both of them ache. Barry dragged his hand away from Eddie's neck to his side, fingers playing at Eddie's waistband.

"Ah," Eddie said, breaking his lips away from Barry's. "I…I'm sorry, pal, but I'm really tired tonight," he said, not meeting Barry's eyes. "I'm sorry. I can—"

"Eddie, it's fine," Barry said, pulling his hand away from Eddie's hips and tilting Eddie's chin so their eyes met. "You can always say no."

Eddie smiled and nodded. "Wanna just make out for a while?"

"Always."

Barry leaned down and kissed him again. They lay on the couch like that for a long time, hands exploring gently, trading lazy kisses back and forth until they were both falling asleep.

"Bedtime?" Barry asked.

"Bedtime," Eddie confirmed.

Barry sat back and got off the couch, then helped pull Eddie up. They walked to the bathroom and grabbed their toothbrushes. Barry smiled briefly at the toothbrush in his hand and thought again how many new experiences he was having with Eddie. Never before did he ever have a toothbrush at a partner's house. It was such a small detail, but one that really mattered.

Once they were done, Barry reached into the cabinet again and sighed.

"What?" Eddie asked, grabbing his floss.

"I forgot to buy more floss," Barry replied.

"Oh. That's fine, you can—" Eddie stopped as he pulled the last of his floss out of the container, staring at the short string. He looked at Barry with raised eyebrows. "We can share?"

"Ew, no!" Barry said, laughing. "I'd rather get gingivitis."

"We were literally just swapping spit," Eddie said, nodding in the direction of the living room.

"It's different."

"Is it?"

"Yeah!" Barry exclaimed. "That's just saliva, this is plaque and bacteria between our teeth." Barry shuddered a little.

"Relax, Bar, I was kidding," Eddie said. "Have fun with your bleeding gums."

"I will," Barry said with a pout as Eddie began flossing.


	75. I was just thinking about you.

Barry had been staring at the text on his phone for what felt like hours but was probably only a minute or so. It was from Iris. He hadn't talked to her in almost two months, since she dropped the bomb of why she broke up with Eddie on him. He'd thought that would be the end of their friendship, that he'd never hear from her again aside from family functions with Joe that he couldn't get out of. But then, here was this text.

It was a simple text, accompanied by a photo of a teddy bear dressed as a scientist. _Made me think of you_, she'd said.

What was he supposed to say? Was this an olive branch? Or was it just spur of the moment? And what did she expect him to reply?

_Haha cute_, he texted back.

He could leave it at that, let her decide whether or not to reply. But then, she was the one who reached out first. It was on him to keep it going or not.

He decided to send a simple _How are you?_ and leave it at that.

Iris texted back almost immediately. _I'm good. Work's kept me busy._

_Same here_

_How are you? Other than work._

_Good. Really good_

_I'm glad, Barry_

He smiled at the screen, and that was when Eddie walked into the apartment.

"What'cha smiling at?" Eddie asked as Barry looked up and locked his phone.

"Nothing," Barry lied. "I was just thinking about you."

"Aw." Eddie walked over and leaned down, kissing Barry softly. "That's sweet. What do you want to make for dinner?"

Barry glanced at his phone once more, texted a quick _Thanks_ to Iris, then leaned back on the couch.

"Whatever you want," Barry said, though he suddenly wasn't very hungry. His stomach was clenching with guilt, and he felt like he was almost cheating on Eddie. He wasn't, of course, and would never, but now he was hiding three things from Eddie, and that was three too many.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're three-quarters of the way there! Thank you for reading and commenting and kudos-ing!
> 
> ~Ki


	76. I want you to have this.

"Barry? You awake?" Eddie asked as he let himself into his apartment.

"Bedroom!" Barry called back.

"Now that's what I like to hear," Eddie replied, causing Barry to smile. He closed his laptop and set it on his bedside table, sitting up as Eddie walked into the room.

"Coffee?" Barry asked, smiling at the drink in Eddie's hand.

"I want you to have this," Eddie said.

Barry reached for the drink as Eddie came closer, but Eddie held it back and out of reach. Barry frowned.

"Not that," Eddie said. "This." He leaned down and kissed Barry slowly, causing Barry's insides to melt. Barry's head was buzzing slightly when Eddie pulled back.

"Still want the coffee?" Eddie asked.

Barry put his hands on Eddie's face and pulled him in again. "No."


	77. Call me if you need anything.

"What's your day like today?" Eddie asked as they were getting ready for work the next day.

"I've got a, uh…a thing with Cisco and Caitlin after work, but I should be home by dinner," Barry said, wincing as he remembered the beratement Caitlin had given him for skipping yet another training session.

"Do you think we'll have time to cook together?"

"Hard to say," Barry said, pulling his socks on. "I'll text you an update around five?"

"That sounds good. I'm going grocery shopping after work today, do you want me to pick anything up?"

"Nah, I'm fine."

"Cool. Well call me if you decide you need anything," Eddie said, shrugging into his jacket.

"Will do." Barry said, then looked up at him and smiled. "Hey."

Eddie glanced over at him. "Yeah?"

"I…" Barry's words caught in his throat, and he changed direction. "I really like this. I really like _you_."

"I really like you too," Eddie said, and leaned over to kiss him.

Barry had wanted to say it. He really did. It wasn't that he wasn't sure, or that he feared Eddie wouldn't feel the same. It was that he was still hiding three things from Eddie: him texting with Iris, the reason Iris broke up with him, and the Flash. Bottom line, he didn't deserve to love Eddie like this, and he needed to figure out what to do soon.


	78. Do you want to come too?

Barry walked downstairs and found Eddie bent over some paperwork at his desk.

"Hey bud," Eddie said, looking up. "You're a sight for sore eyes." He rubbed his eyes. "Literally."

"Well, how about we take a break?" Barry asked. "Cisco and Caitlin are going to the park since the sun's finally out. Do you want to come too?"

"Yeah, that sounds nice," Eddie said, standing up. "I could use a break anyway."

The park wasn't as busy as he'd thought it would be. The sun shone brightly from the sky above them, and they walked hand in hand toward the spot where Cisco and Caitlin said they'd be.

"There they are!" Cisco called. "Catch it if you can!" he shouted, and suddenly a frisbee was flying straight at them.

Barry caught it easily, laughing, and tossed it at Caitlin. They quickly launched into a frisbee game, spreading out over the grassy area. Caitlin was a good throw but hopeless at catching, while Eddie was the exact opposite. Barry was a perfect catch no matter how hard Cisco threw it, and Cisco was developing a reputation for faking people out with his frisbee throws.

"Oh shit!" Eddie exclaimed as the frisbee went wide, curving away from Caitlin, his intended target, and he and Barry started running after it. It landed by a woman who was walking with a coffee in her hands, and she stooped to pick it up.

"Sorry," Eddie panted when he caught up to her. "I was—I—Iris," he said dumbly.

"Oh, Eddie," she said in surprise. "Um, hi," she said.

Barry belatedly remembered that they hadn't seen each other since they came out to Iris, and that was back in March. Meanwhile, Barry had just been texting with Iris yesterday and had been for a week now.

"Iris, hi," Barry said, jogging closer.

"Hi," she said again.

"Hi," Eddie echoed.

The silence stretched between them as Iris continued holding the frisbee. Barry cleared his throat, and she startled.

"Right, here you go," she said, giving it to Eddie.

"We're here with Caitlin and Cisco," Barry said as Eddie took the frisbee from her hands. She let go so quick you'd think it had burned her. "Do you want to join?" he asked impulsively.

"Oh, um, thanks, but I've got to get back to the office," she said. "Plus, heels and grass don't go well together."

"Right," Barry said. "Well, um, see you around."

"See you," she said, then glanced at Eddie again. "Bye Eddie, Barry."

Iris began walking away from them, and Barry put a hand on Eddie's back. "Are you okay?" he asked.

"Fine," Eddie said. "I…I should get back to work. Homicides don't solve themselves."

"Good thing, or we'd be out of a job," Barry said, then frowned at himself. "Sorry, that was crass."

Eddie offered him a weak smile, then walked away, back toward the precinct. Barry headed back to the bench where Caitlin and Cisco were waiting.

"What was that about?" Caitlin asked.

"That was Iris," Barry replied.

"Oh shit," Cisco said. "Poor dude."

"I didn't realize he was still so affected by her," Caitlin said.

"Well getting broken up with out of the blue is traumatic," Cisco replied. "She still never told him why, right?"

Barry shook his head, and Cisco whistled low.

"Well, he has you now," Caitlin said, reaching out and squeezing Barry's arm.

_I'm not sure I'm so much better_, Barry thought.


	79. I'll still be here when you're ready.

Barry hesitated outside of Eddie's apartment. Eddie hadn't talked to him at all for the rest of the day after the run-in with Iris, choosing to remain chained to his desk until the end of the day. Barry had given him the space he seemed to need, but also Barry was being a coward. He knew he had to tell Eddie, but he wasn't sure how, and it was eating him alive.

He unlocked the door and let himself inside. "Eddie?"

"In the kitchen," Eddie said.

Barry walked inside and found Eddie unloading the dishwasher. He hadn't even changed out of his work clothes, just taken his jacket off and rolled up his sleeves.

"Can we talk about today?" he asked, his heart pounding in his chest.

Eddie sighed. "Listen, Barry, I'm sorry about that. I shouldn't have reacted so badly." He turned toward him. "I don't want you to think I'm still hung up on her or anything, because I'm not. I'm completely over her, but I…I'm not over the way she broke up with me."

"I understand," Barry said.

"It's all I can think about when I look at her," Eddie confessed, "and all the anger and frustration and sadness just come racing back. I just…I can't believe she's still never told me why."

"Eddie, I have something to tell you," Barry said.

Eddie looked up at him. "Yeah?"

"Iris came over to the house a couple months ago," Barry said. "It was that time I was late and Singh was breathing down your neck."

"That's why you didn't come into work?" Eddie asked.

Barry nodded.

"Well what did she want?"

"She wanted to tell me why she broke up with you."

Eddie went pale. "She…she wanted to tell _you?_"

"Yeah," Barry said, then rubbed the back of his neck. "Listen, do…do you want to sit down?"

"No, Barry, I want you to spit it out," Eddie snapped.

"Okay, that's fair." Barry swallowed. "I told her I didn't want to hear it. I told her she should talk to you and not me, but she was too scared to talk to you."

Eddie scoffed, but his eyes were filling with tears. "So what did she say?"

"She told me all about how she wasn't feeling satisfied with her life, and how she was going to therapy for it, and, well, she wasn't satisfied with her friends or her relationship, so she said she was working on it but—"

"Barry, just get to it already!"

He leaned against the counter and sighed. "She broke up with you because she realized she had feelings for me."

The silence was so complete they could've heard a pin drop in the apartment. Eddie's face went from angry to confused to sad to fearful to furious.

"She left me for you?" he said.

"That's summarizing it, but yeah," Barry said. "She said she was in denial about it, but knew she wasn't happy with you anymore, so that's why she broke up with you without giving you a reason. And then that day we came out to her was the day she was originally going to tell me, but then—"

"But then we told her we were together."

"Yeah, and that's why she freaked out so badly."

Eddie ran his hands over his face, pulling at the skin of his forehead. "Oh my god. Oh my _god_."

"I know."

"How could you not tell me, Barry?!" Eddie yelled.

"I was scared," Barry admitted. "I didn't want to make you upset like that again, and I didn't realize you were still so hung up on the break up. I thought you were over it, so I thought it didn't matter anymore."

"Of course it mattered," Eddie said. "Jesus. What if she'd told you before we got together? You'd probably be with her right now instead of me."

"No, no, Eddie—"

"Oh don't pretend, Barry. It would've at least crossed your mind. You can't tell me if you and I weren't together that you wouldn't have jumped at the chance with her."

"I can't speak to what would've happened or what could've happened," Barry said. "I could've left you when she told me, but I didn't, because I choose you."

"But what if you regret that someday?" Eddie asked. "You loved her for _years_, Barry! I can't compete with that!"

"I'm not asking you to!" Barry said. "There's no competition, Eddie. You're it for me. I haven't loved Iris in a long time."

Eddie snorted in disbelief, turning away from him and placing both hands on the kitchen counter.

"There's something else," Barry said.

"What else," Eddie said slowly, angrily, "could there possibly be?"

"Iris and I have been texting," Barry answered.

Eddie laughed humorlessly. "Yeah, that's not doing much to convince me you choose me over her."

"Just as friends, just reconnecting," Barry insisted. "And not a lot, just every now and then for the past week. She's still my family, Eddie."

"Don't I know it," Eddie grumbled.

Barry sighed. There wasn't anything left to say.

"I'm going to go home tonight, give you space to process," he said slowly, backing away toward the door. Eddie didn't say anything, didn't even move. "I'm here when you're ready. Just a phone call away. Or a text."

Eddie still didn't say anything, so Barry turned away and walked to the door. He pulled it open with a heavy feeling in his chest, and he hoped that this wouldn't be the last time he was leaving this apartment.

"Eddie?" he said, pausing in the doorway. "I still choose you. I always will."

He closed the door before Eddie could respond.


	80. Is your seatbelt on?

Later that night, Barry woke up to a frantic and furious banging on his front door. Heart pounding, he flew out of bed and downstairs to find Eddie on his doorstep. Deja vu filled Barry as he stared at Eddie's red-rimmed eyes and remembered the first time Eddie had showed up at his house in the middle of the night. But this time Eddie wasn't panicked and out of his mind. Instead, there was something hard in his eyes and assuredness in the way he clenched his jaw.

"Go for a drive?" Eddie asked.

Barry nodded and closed the door behind him. The pavement was cold under his bare feet as he followed Eddie to his car. Nerves fluttered in his chest as he climbed into the passenger seat.

Eddie fired up the car and adjusted his rearview mirror. "Is your seatbelt on?"

"Yes."

Eddie began driving out of the neighborhood and eventually got onto the highway. It was silent in the car except for the noise of the road and the engine. The highway was mostly deserted, and Barry glanced at the clock to see it was 3:02am. Barry wanted to ask Eddie if he'd been awake this whole time, but he found he couldn't get his throat to work.

"I'm upset," Eddie said.

"I understand," Barry replied.

"I'm upset that you kept this from me. I'm upset that you waited this long to tell me. I'm upset that Iris left me for you. I'm upset that she never told me herself. But mostly, I'm upset that you lied to me."

"I'm sorry Eddie, I didn't—"

"I don't mean lied to me as in not told me you were texting her or that she'd told you," Eddie continued in this strange, controlled voice. "I mean you lied when you said you didn't tell me because you didn't want me to be hurt again."

"What—"

"That was a factor, yes, I believe that," Eddie said. "But you didn't tell me because you were scared, not because you were trying to protect me."

Barry didn't have a response. Yes, he was scared. He was scared of hurting Eddie. He was scared Eddie would think he wanted to leave him for Iris. He was…he was scared Eddie would hate him.

"I thought you'd hate me," Barry said. "Your relationship was ruined because of me. She left you for me. I'm the reason, I'm the cause. And then through some fluke, we got together. That shouldn't have happened. This doesn't happen to people, it's crazy."

"Yeah, it is," Eddie said. "It's fucked up. But then, it's been fucked up since the beginning."

"I know."

Barry saw a faint smile playing at Eddie's lips, and he smiled.

"And you're right, I should hate you. If it were anybody else, I'd probably want to strangle him with my bare hands. But it's not like you were conspiring to steal her from me. It's not like you were making moves and trying to get her to leave me. You were just you, and she fell for you, and I can't really blame her for that because I did the same thing."

Barry shook his head.

"I don't hate you, Barry," Eddie said. "I'm upset with you for keeping secrets from me, and I'm upset with her for how she handled everything, but I don't hate you."

Barry sighed with relief, staring out at the city passing them by.

"And for the record," Eddie said, "I choose you too. I still do."

Barry's breath caught in his throat, and he reached out and placed his hand palm up on the center console. Eddie switched to holding the steering wheel with his left hand and wrapped his free hand around Barry's.


	81. Sweet dreams.

Eddie pulled up outside of Barry's house and turned the car off.

"We're good?" Barry asked after a beat.

"We're not one hundred percent," Eddie said, "but we're okay."

Barry nodded.

"I need some space, though," Eddie continued. "Would it be okay if we just see each other at work for like a week?"

"Okay," Barry answered, heart squeezing painfully. "I understand."

"Remember, I don't hate you. I still choose you. I just need some time to work through this."

"Yeah, I get it."

"Okay." Eddie nodded, staring out the windshield. "Thank you for telling me. I don't think I've said that yet."

"Even though it caused all this?" Barry asked.

Eddie laughed a little. "Especially because it called all this," he answered. "A secret like this could've torn us apart if it festered much longer."

Barry nodded. "I should've told you sooner. I should've told you first thing."

"Yeah, you should've, but I don't want to dwell on that."

"I'm so sorry."

"I know," Eddie said, turning toward him and smiling softly. "See you at work tomorrow?"

"Yeah." Barry unbuckled his seatbelt and reached for the door handle.

"Sweet dreams," Eddie said.

"Only if they're of you," Barry replied.

Eddie laughed, then leaned forward. Barry met his lips in a brief, soft kiss that made Barry's heart ache. Then Eddie pulled away, still smiling, and Barry got out of the car. He watched Eddie drive away, then walked toward the house with Eddie's words echoing around in his head: _A secret like this could've torn us apart if it festered much longer._

Two secrets down, one to go.


	82. I was in the neighborhood.

Barry and Eddie stayed true to their word and only saw each other at work for the following week, but it was harder than Barry had thought it would be. Over the weekend he caught himself running to Eddie's place on autopilot twice and had to turn back to go home. His heart hurt until he saw Eddie at work on Monday, when they smiled and waved at each other, then Barry went upstairs to his lab, and his heart started hurting again.

On Wednesday, Singh stopped by his lab to interrogate him about the apparently very obvious tension between the two of them.

"Did you and Thawne split up?" he asked with no preamble, striding into the lab.

Barry looked up at him, frowning. "No, why?"

"You haven't visited his desk since last week."

"Is that a crime?"

"Have you split up?" Singh pressed again.

"No, we haven't split up, we're…we're just having a little space," Barry said awkwardly. "Look, no offense, but I don't really want to talk about it with you."

"That's fine," Singh said, "but you have to go tell HR."

"What? Really?" Barry asked. "We're just taking a week!"

"I want everybody's asses covered in case of anything," Singh said.

"We're not breaking up, though," Barry insisted.

Singh smiled slightly. "Good. That's what Thawne said too."

Barry's jaw dropped. "Wh—Was that a test?"

"No, you really do have to talk to HR," Singh said. "I just wanted to hear your side of it too."

"Is that appropriate?"

"Listen, I don't want my CSI and my second-best detective causing problems for the department. I'm just keeping an eye on you two, that's all," Singh said.

Barry put his face in his hands. "Oh. My. God. This is my worst nightmare."

"This is what you chose when you decided to date a member of the force!" Singh called over his shoulder as he began walking out of the lab. "And go see HR!"

Barry obliged and informed HR of his and Eddie's week of distance. It was so clinical, seeing the file of his and Eddie's relationship, documented and stored away for legal purposes. It gave him a sick twist in his stomach as he signed the paper saying he acknowledged they were on a "separation."

He had started to leave the HR office when he ran straight into Eddie. They'd exchanged small talk, both agreeing that Singh's intervention was uncomfortable for both of them, and set up a time to talk on Sunday. Sunday felt so far away, and it gave Barry anxiety like almost nothing ever had before.

Still, the days passed soon enough, and Barry found himself staring at the clock on his bedside table, waiting for the time to bleed away until 3pm when he was supposed to meet up with Eddie. Anxious energy made his body buzz, though, so he took a run around the city to try to calm his nerves. The exercise didn't work, though, as he soon found himself running laps around the ten block radius of Eddie's apartment building.

"This is stupid," Barry hissed at himself. "Just go talk to him."

Even though it was hours and hours before he was supposed to meet Eddie, he let himself into the building and walked up the stairs to Eddie's door. Once he was there, though, he didn't know what to do. The key in his pocket felt heavier than it had all week. He'd even considered taking it off his key ring for the week but thought that felt too final, as if it would be an omen that he and Eddie would never get over this.

Finally, he took a breath and knocked.

He heard a door open and Eddie's familiar footsteps on the hardwood floor. Then the door clicked, and there he was. Barry wanted to melt into his arms, wanted to pin him against the wall and kiss him, wanted to cuddle up with him on the couch. Maybe all three at once.

"You're, uh, early," Eddie said with a bemused smile.

"I was in the neighborhood," Barry said, which wasn't entirely a lie. "Is this okay?"

"Yeah, it's good. I was actually thinking of calling you to see if you wanted to come over earlier, so this is perfect." Eddie stepped aside and Barry walked inside.

"Couch?" Eddie asked.

"Sure."

They walked over and sat down on the couch, and Barry could practically feel the few inches that were between them.

"So I've been thinking," Eddie said. "I forgive you for keeping why Iris ended it a secret from me. I understand your reasonings and your fears. But I have my own fears, and I have to ask you, are you sure you're over her?"

The pain and worry were clear as day in Eddie's blue eyes.

"I just don't want you to have any doubts or regrets," Eddie continued. "This is what you've been waiting for since you were a kid, the chance of a lifetime for you. So, are you? Sure, I mean?"

Barry reached out and took Eddie's hands in his, locking eyes with him. "I am absolutely sure. I want to be with you, Eddie. You and only you."

Eddie swallowed and took a breath. "And the texting?"

"Just as friends," Barry said. "I don't think I can ever fully walk away from her. We were best friends for years, and, like I said, she's still my family. I want to repair our relationship, even if just for Joe's sake. But I can stop if you want me to."

"It's fine," Eddie said. "I will tell you it's a little hard to trust that right now, considering recent revelations."

"I understand."

"But I'm not going to be that boyfriend who controls who you're friends with, so it's fine," Eddie said. "I just want a little communication. Like if you're going to get lunch or something. Just a heads up, so it doesn't feel like you're sneaking around with her. Just like you'd let me know if you're going out with Cisco and Caitlin."

Barry nodded. "That sounds fair."

Eddie let out a shaky breath and smiled. "Okay. Good. Do you, uh, do you have any questions or anything to say?"

"I'm sorry," Barry said. "I'm so sorry. I can't tell you the amount of times I've been told that communication is key in a relationship, and I did want to tell you as soon as she told me, but then I got in my head about it and…well, that's not the point.

"The point is, I should have told you, and I know that now, and I will never keep something like that from you again," Barry said.

"No more secrets?" Eddie asked.

Barry swallowed down the guilt of his last secret. "No more secrets."

Eddie sighed with relief. "So, uh, can I kiss you now?"

"Please," Barry said, releasing Eddie's hands to place one on the side of Eddie's face.

Eddie laughed and scooted closer, and when their lips met, all of Barry's worries and anxieties over the past week just melted away.


	83. Stay there. I'm coming to get you.

Barry zipped around the house trying to look for his phone, cursing his forgetfulness.

"Shitshitshit," he said on repeat under his breath. What was the point of super speed if you still spent five minutes looking for your phone?

He was about to consider tearing the couch apart when he heard it start to buzz. Then he was quickly able to locate it on top of the spice carousel, which for the life of him he couldn't remember putting it there.

"Eddie," he breathed happily when he answered the phone, "you are a lifesaver."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, couldn't find my phone."

Eddie laughed on the other end, and Barry wanted to lose himself in it, but he was late enough as it was. "Well, you're welcome. You know, in exchange, you could do me a favor."

"What kind of favor?" Barry asked suggestively.

"Ah, pick up me and Joe?" Eddie asked, his voice rising in embarrassment. "Assuming you haven't even left yet. Which, based on your track record…"

"Okay, okay, you're right, I haven't left yet. Let me grab Joe's keys." Those Barry could locate without any difficulty. "What happened?"

"Cruiser broke down. We don't know why," Eddie said.

"I think it's the battery!" Barry heard Joe call from a distance.

"And Joe is trying to play mechanic."

Barry laughed. "Stay there. I'm coming to get you."

"Thanks babe. I'll text you where we are."

"See you soon."

Barry arrived within in ten minutes, and Eddie kissed him chastely on the cheek when Barry got out of the car to toss the keys to Joe.

"Thanks, Bar," Joe said.

"Anytime," Barry replied easily as he walked around to the passenger seat.

"Looks like your tardiness came in handy this time."

"Yeah, be sure to tell that to Singh," he replied, and Eddie snorted with laughter.

They arrived to the crime scene fifteen minutes later. Parking was tough, so they ended up a block and a half down, and Barry and Eddie chatted about their mornings as they walked.

"Hey, look!" one of the uniformed officers called when she spotted them. "Our favorite couple is back together!"

Barry scrunched up his face. "We were never—"

"And they got West to chaperone them," the other teased.

"He's not—"

"And keep your hands to yourselves, boys," Joe said, loud enough for the officers to hear, which made them burst into laughter.

Eddie patted Barry on the shoulder. "I think we're losing this one, pal."

Barry sighed heavily, overexaggerating his annoyance. They'd been back from their break for two days now, and every time Barry saw him he thought his heart was going to burst. So he could take some teasing from the other officers as long as he could have Eddie.

"In all seriousness," Joe said, turning back to them, "they're gonna tell Singh, and you know what happens next."

They rolled their eyes and chorused, "Talk to HR, we know."

"He'll be so proud," Joe replied with an amused grin.

Barry and Eddie looked at each other and smiled. Barry thought about the past week, and how much he'd missed the little moments like these: talking about nothing, getting teased by their friends, and just being near each other. He'd never take it for granted again.


	84. The key is under the mat.

"Oh, did you remember the onion?" Barry said loudly as he scrubbed a plate clean.

"You have no faith." Eddie's voice said, crackling slightly through Barry's phone speaker. "Yes, dear, I got the onion."

Barry laughed and set the dish in the drying rack. Joe was out of town for the weekend, so he and Eddie took the opportunity to do a date night: homemade dinner and Netflix. And some chilling.

"Okay, I'm here," Eddie said. There was some shuffling noises, and then the sound of a car door closing. "Hey, let me in." Barry heard the knock in person and through the phone.

"Let yourself in."

The door handle jiggled. "It's locked!"

"Oh, Joe must've locked it when he left," Barry said. "There's a key under the rock with white speckles."

Eddie scoffed. "Why can't you let me in?"

"Cause I'm elbow deep in dishes," Barry replied.

"Well I'm carrying the grocery bags, and I have no clue which rock you're talking about."

"The obviously fake one. Never mind, I'll come get you." Barry quickly dried his hands and went to the front door, flicking the lock and pulling it open.

Eddie stood on the front step, grinning at him over the top of the brown paper grocery bag. "Honey, I'm home."

Barry took the bag out of his arms and leaned down to kiss him, thinking about the day when Eddie will come home to a place that is actually theirs. It gave him butterflies—the good kind—that he hoped would never go away.

"What are you smiling about?" Eddie asked as they walked into the kitchen.

"Oh, nothing," Barry said, setting the groceries on the counter and turning to him. "I just…I appreciate you and everything you bring into my life. I'll never take you for granted again."

Eddie stepped closer so their chests touched, smiling up at him. "Good."


	85. It doesn't bother me.

"Hey, pal!" Eddie called when Barry let himself into Eddie's apartment. "Do you want to order takeout for tonight?"

"Um." Barry's heart felt heavy in his chest, and his gut twisted with worry. "Actually I have other plans."

"Oh?" Eddie finished wiping the kitchen counter, tossing the wipe in the trash, then looked up at him. "Do you have a hot date?" He winked, and Barry's chest constricted even more.

"Not quite," Barry said. "But, uh, I do have plans with Iris."

Eddie's face fell, becoming instantly stony. "What?"

"Possible plans. I told her I wanted to talk to you first. You're welcome to come too," Barry said. "Like I told you, we've been texting some. We're going to go to the roadhouse off the highway, not romantic at all."

Eddie started nodding slowly, not meeting Barry's eyes as he processed.

"I don't have to go," Barry continued quickly. "Not if it bothers you. It's totally not a big deal. We just haven't really talked face-to-face since, uh, you know."

"Since she confessed her love for you," Eddie griped, sending Barry a sharp look.

Three and a half weeks had passed since Barry told Eddie the truth about Iris and why she broke up with him. He and Eddie had made up and were healing from their break, but Barry had still been nervous to bring the subject up again. But they had to deal with it, otherwise it would just fester again.

"Uh, yeah, that." Barry rubbed the back of his neck. "Anyway, uh, what do you think? Do you want to come with?"

"No," Eddie replied quickly and firmly. "That sounds like a ménage à trois straight from hell."

"That's fine, that's fine," Barry said. "Let's order takeout for tonight, then. Which restaurant—"

"No, no, Barry, you can go," Eddie interrupted, finally turning to face him fully.

Barry stared at him. "What? But—"

"I don't want to go," Eddie said. "But I want you to go. It doesn't bother me."

"Are…are you sure? I meant it when I said I didn't have to go."

"Please go. I don't want to be that jealous boyfriend who can't trust you. I do trust you. And, weirdly, I trust Iris. I have faith that you're not cheating on me and that you will continue to not cheat on me. Does it make me a little uncomfortable? Yes. But I'm working through that."

Barry walked forward, taking Eddie's hands in his. "I promise I will never cheat on you," he said. "Not with Iris, not with anyone. I still choose you. And I'll still come back here to you." He paused. "That is, if you want—"

"Yes, please," Eddie said. "That way I can show you what you missed out on by not having dinner with me," Eddie murmured, leaning up and kissing Barry long and slow.

Barry's pupils were dilated by the time Eddie pulled away. "You know what, I'm cancelling," he said, reaching for his phone in his back pocket.

Eddie laughed and grabbed Barry's hand. "No, you should go. I want you to go."

"Are you sure? Really sure?"

"Yes," Eddie said. "Now, when are you meeting?"

"In a couple hours."

"Want to watch an episode of Breaking Bad?"

"Hell yeah."


	86. You're important too.

Barry slipped into the apartment later that night. It was dark, but it wasn't that late. Still, he wasn't sure if Eddie would already be asleep. He was at least already in bed.

He set his keys carefully in the dish and hung up his jacket, then crossed the apartment to the bedroom door. When he pushed open the door, Eddie was sitting in bed reading by the lamplight.

"Hey," Barry said softly, smiling as Eddie grabbed his bookmark and set the book on his bedside table.

"How did it go?" Eddie asked.

"Kinda awkward at first," Barry admitted, sitting at the edge of the bed. "We didn't really know what to say to each other, but once the conversation got rolling it was okay."

"That's good," Eddie said. "Do you have any future plans?"

"No, not right now," Barry said. "She told me to tell you hi."

Eddie snorted.

"I know." Barry shook his head.

"Well, I'm glad it went well."

"Me too." Barry stood up and pulled his shirt over his head, then slipped out of his pants and under the covers. "I just sort of forgot how important she is to me. Tonight reminded me of that."

Eddie hummed in the back of his throat as he reached for his lamp and turned it off. Barry turned and put his head on Eddie's chest, his fingers playing with Eddie's short chest hair. Eddie's arm settled around Barry's shoulders.

"You're important too," Barry said. "I don't want you to ever forget that."

"I won't," Eddie replied, "so long as you keep reminding me."

"I'll remind you every day if that's what it takes."

Eddie laughed. "Barry, I…"

Barry's heart stopped in his chest. His fingers stilled, and he found himself holding his breath.

"I, ah, think you're the most important person in my life," Eddie finished. "Other than, like, my parents. But you're definitely like top five."

Barry laughed, his chest deflating with…relief? Regret? He would have to decipher that later.

"You're in my top five too."

"Above Iris, though?"

"Yes, dear, above Iris."

"Good."

Barry laughed and rolled his eyes. "Now go to sleep."

"Sweet dreams."

"Sweet dreams."


	87. I saved you a seat.

"Barry, you've got an incoming call from Eddie again," Cisco's voice said in his ear.

"Kinda busy at the moment," Barry growled as he raced in a circle around the girl with fire powers with the goal of extinguishing the flames.

"I know. Do you want me to play you the voicemail?"

"No, just—just give me a sec!" Barry watched as the girl staggered to her knees. The flames around her arms dwindled, and then her hands went to her throat as she gasped for air. Quickly, he broke the circle and slapped the power-dampening cuffs around her wrists.

She gasped with relief as the air returned to her lungs, and her eyes filled with tears as she glared up at him. "Screw you, Flash!"

"Yeah, yeah," he grumbled, helping her to her feet and walking her across the street to the waiting police car. He walked away from the officers. "Okay, Cisco, play me the voicemail."

"Which one?"

"_Which one?_ H-How many are there?" Barry asked.

"Seven."

"Oh my god." Barry pinched the bridge of his nose as dread washed through him. Something must be wrong. "Play the most recent one."

"You got it."

Eddie's annoyed voice filtered through Barry's ear piece, hissing, "Barry, where the hell are you? I'm getting really worried. This isn't like you to skip out on commitments. The play's about to start and I saved you a seat, but will you please call me back? Bye."

"Oh shit," Barry mumbled, then raced back to S.T.A.R. Labs.

"What is it?" Caitlin asked in his ear.

"I forgot about the elementary school play tonight," Barry replied. "Gotta run, guys. Thanks for the help tonight."

"Bye Barry!"

"Good luck!"

He stripped off his suit and pulled on his normal clothes, then got to the elementary school as fast as he could. He found the auditorium and slipped through the doors, but it was too dark to find Eddie and he didn't want to distract from the show. One of the ushers offered him a chair, so he sat in the back and watched from there.

An hour later, the lights came up and audience members began filing down the rows and up the aisle to leave. Barry hung by the doors and searched the crowd for Eddie and the rest of the department. He found them quickly, a group of cajoling familiar faces, and one face in particular that wasn't so cajoling.

"Hey, babe," Barry said, sliding into the crowd next to Eddie as they stepped out into the lobby.

"Where were you?" Eddie asked, a frown creasing his face.

Barry was taken aback by Eddie's cold demeanor. "I was with Caitlin and Cisco doing some lab work, and we lost track of time."

"You've been losing track of time a lot lately," Eddie said, looking away as they pushed through the doors and out into the evening air.

"I know, I'm sorry."

Crime had taken a noticeable uptick lately, with a lot of break-ins at notable science labs and factories. Cisco had a theory that they were connected, and there had been some traces of a red lightning trail that stopped Barry's heart when he saw it. But regardless of the minutiae, the result was Barry was constantly running off or being late. Usually he was able to do it so Eddie didn't take notice, but it seemed impossible lately.

"You missed seeing Tanner before the show."

Barry winced, remembering the sweet kid from the Easter egg hunt they'd done at the Natural History Museum. "I—"

"See you tomorrow Thawne!" one of the officers called as the group split up.

"Hey Allen, nice of you to show up!" another yelled.

Barry waved an arm in acknowledgment as he followed Eddie to his car. The play was yet another way the mayor was trying to humanize the department in the eyes of the public. Tonight they did a meet and greet with the children who were in the local elementary school play, and then they stayed to watch.

"He was really disappointed," Eddie continued. "I told him you'd show up to the play and that he could see you after, but he and his parents had to leave immediately. He wanted to show you the dinosaur shirt his parents had bought him for his birthday."

"I'm sorry," Barry said.

"I thought something was really wrong, like you'd gotten hurt or something."

"Eddie, I don't know—"

"I just want you to show up, Bar," Eddie said, turning toward him. "I know you have a penchant for being late or barely on time, and usually it doesn't matter. But tonight mattered. It mattered to Tanner. I'm just worried about your priorities lately."

"I'll try to do better," Barry said.

Eddie nodded, then unlocked the car and got in. Barry slid into the passenger seat. Both doors closed, and there was a heavy silence. Then Eddie cleared his throat and started the car.

"So, what have you guys been working on lately?" Eddie asked, trying to sound light-hearted.

"Uh, it's actually a secret," Barry said.

"Of course it is."

Barry didn't know what to say to that, and it seemed like Eddie didn't either, because they were silent for the entire rest of the drive back to his apartment.

"I'm not cheating on you," Barry whispered when they'd parked.

"I didn't say you were."

"I feel like you're thinking it."

"Am I?"

"I don't know, Eddie, I'm not a mind reader!" Barry snapped, then put his face in his hands.

Eddie sighed, reaching over and putting a hand on Barry's knee. "I know you're not, Bar. I'm sorry. That was uncalled for. And I don't think you're cheating on me. I trust you on that front."

Barry removed his hands from his face and angled his torso to face him. "But?"

"But…" Eddie sighed again. "But I feel like you're keeping something from me. And not just top-secret-S.T.A.R.-Labs something, but something important. Something to do with you and why you've been so out of it lately. I just thought we said no more secrets."

"Ed—"

"Whatever it is, I understand if you really can't tell me. I just hope someday you will."

Barry's stomach was twisting into knots, and he felt like me might throw up. Eddie leaned over and kissed him quickly on the cheek.

"Come on, let's heat up some leftovers and watch Breaking Bad."

Barry got out of the car and followed him to the elevator, staring at the ground the whole time. For a while there, he'd thought he might go several years without having to tell Eddie he was the Flash. He'd been balancing it so well. He worried what Eddie might do when he found out, or how it might put Eddie in danger. But this was the sign he didn't know he'd been waiting for. He had to tell Eddie, and soon. He just didn't know how.


	88. I’ll see you later.

"Hey, uh, do you have any plans after work?" Barry asked as they got ready to head to the precinct.

"No," Eddie replied, "what's up?"

"I just so happen to have reservations for us at Café Mundo tonight," Barry said with a smile.

"Aw, how sweet." Eddie smiled over at him. "Any special occasion I'm forgetting about?"

Barry shook his head. "No, just cause I, uh, you know, care about you and stuff."

Eddie laughed. "I care about you and stuff too."

Barry grinned and leaned across the corner of the bed, and Eddie leaned over too. Their lips met in a slow kiss, then Eddie pulled back and finished tying his tie.

100WAYS

The work day passed surprisingly slowly. Tuesdays weren't big for murder and crime, so Eddie spent most of it catching up on reports and paperwork, and Barry spent his time studying up on the latest CSI developments and discoveries.

At the end of the day, Eddie stopped by upstairs. "Coming home with me?" Eddie asked, leaning his hip against the lab table Barry was working at.

"Oh, I actually have to stop by S.T.A.R. Labs tonight," Barry said. "I was going to go straight there."

"Want a ride?"

"No, I like the walk," Barry replied. The route was very scenic, so that wasn't a lie, but he'd actually be running, and it would actually take approximately three seconds. "Thanks, though."

Eddie nodded. "Alright. Will I see you before, or are we meeting at the restaurant?"

"Ah, probably meeting there. The clothes I want to wear are at Joe's," Barry replied. "The reservation's at seven."

"So does that mean 7:05? 7:10?"

"Ha, ha," Barry said dryly. "I'm going to be on time tonight, I promise. In fact, I might even be a little early."

"If that happens, I might have to eat my shoe."

"If _that_ happens, I think we'll get kicked out of the restaurant."

They cracked up into laughter, and Barry relished in the easy feeling between them. It hadn't been like this between them since their fight last week. Barry was constantly walking on eggshells due to the guilt and anxiety that were writhing inside him. Eddie had been nothing short of nice and joking with him, but Barry felt he was just masking his continued disappointment that Barry was hiding something.

"So I'll see you later?" Eddie asked.

He nodded, and Eddie leaned in for a quick kiss before departing the lab. Barry began packing away his lab equipment when his phone buzzed with an alert from Caitlin: SECOND SPEEDSTER DOWNTOWN NOW.

That single text eclipsed everything else from his mind. There had been rumors of a second speedster in town, one with red lightning instead of Barry's yellow. It was just word of mouth though. The speedster had been careful to avoid cameras, and they'd only caught traces of the speed trail on footage. Barry had been too scared to hope that it could be the speedster that killed his mother, but now he had one chance to find out.

In a second flat, he put away his equipment, changed, and was out the window of his lab.


	89. I noticed.

Whoever this second speedster was led him on a wild goose chase. They had him running all over the city, state, and surrounding areas for two hours. Every time Barry thought he could catch up to them, they outran him again. Barry's body was being pushed to the limits, and it was only when they got away for the fifth time that he finally listened to Caitlin and ran home to S.T.A.R. Labs.

Two things were certain, though. Barry was certain that this was the speedster that killed his mother. The yellow suit, the red lightning…even though Barry had only caught glances and glimpses from when he'd gotten closer in the chase, he was certain.

The other thing was that, whoever this speedster was, they were faster than him.

Barry fell to his knees when he stopped in S.T.A.R. Labs. Caitlin immediately rushed to his side, helping him to his feet and over to an exam table.

"C…Could you tell a-anything about who…who it is?" Barry asked.

"No, nothing," Cisco said. "The speed force traces are remarkably similar to yours, but different. I don't know if that's normal across speedsters or not, though, since you and this guy are the only ones we know of."

Barry gulped down the glass of water that Caitlin had brought to him. "He's fast."

"Too fast," Cisco agreed.

"How am I ever going to catch him?" Barry asked.

"We'll find a way," Caitlin said. "We'll amp up your training starting tomorrow. Whatever we can do. We know what this means to you."

Barry nodded, his eyes slipping closed as he slumped forward, elbows on his knees. His mother's face swam behind his eyelids, and he imagined her laugh. Always the same laugh, from the childhood video Joe had given him. In it, Barry and Iris were at the park, and Barry had pushed Iris so hard she fell off the swing. Instead of crying, though, Iris had turned around and pushed Barry right back. Behind the camera, Nora was trying not to laugh but couldn't help herself as Henry wrestled the children apart.

"I know this will cut into your time with Eddie, but I'm sure we can—"

Barry's heart dropped into his stomach. "Eddie," he breathed.

"If you want to still prioritize your time with him, we can. However you want your schedule—"

"No, no, shit, what time is it?" he asked, dread crawling its way up his throat.

"7:20," Cisco replied.

"Fuck!" Barry yelled, slamming his hands down on the exam table. "I have to go."

"But Barry—"

"Caitlin, I have to go," he said, pulling his mask back over his face.

"Your clothes are in the training room," Cisco said.

"Don't need 'em," Barry said.

Cisco frowned. "Okay? Like TMI, but—"

"I'm going to tell Eddie," Barry said.

"Tonight?" Caitlin squeaked.

"Now," Barry replied. "See you guys tomorrow."

Barry ran out of the building and toward Eddie's apartment before he realized he didn't quite know where Eddie was. He changed course and called Eddie.

"Barry," his boyfriend greeted tersely, picking up on the first ring.

"Ah, you've probably already noticed, but I'm late to dinner."

"Yeah, I noticed," he said bitterly.

"Are you still there?"

"No, they only hold reservations for fifteen minutes, Barry. I just got home."

"Okay, good. I'm coming over." He changed direction.

"Barry, I don't think—"


	90. You can tell me anything.

"I need to tell you," Barry said quickly. "I need to tell you what I've been keeping from you."

Eddie was silent for a long moment, and Barry ran some gentle—by his standards—laps around the building while he waited. "Okay," he finally said.

"I don't…I don't quite know how to tell you," Barry said. "I don't know how you'll react. Probably anger. But just know, it's something I don't tell anyone. Only Joe, Cisco, and Caitlin."

"Not even Iris?" Eddie's attempt at teasing had too bitter an edge. "Sorry."

"No, not even Iris."

"Barry, you can tell me anything," Eddie said. "I can't promise how I'll react, but I can promise I'll try to be as understanding as possible."

Barry nodded to himself. "Okay."

"Are you still coming over?"

"Be there in a flash."

Barry raced into the building and up the stairs, then paused briefly outside of Eddie's door. What was he going to do? Just bust in as the Flash? God, he really should've thought this through more. He ran back out of the building and did some more laps around the structure, thinking quickly about how he was going to do this. Then he figured the only way to do it was to just fucking do it. Clean break, so to speak. Fuck, he hoped there wasn't a real clean break tonight.

He raced up the stairs to Eddie's floor, then phased through the door. Eddie was sitting hunched over on the couch, the cell phone on the coffee table, and his hands massaging his temples. When he saw the Flash, he stood up so quickly he fell over backwards onto the couch again.

"F-Flash?" he stuttered.

"Detective Thawne," Barry said, but without disguising his voice.

"I…I don't—what are you—"

Barry reached up, sliding his thumbs under the edge of his mask. Eddie only stared incredulously, clearly not understanding what was happening here. Heart pounding, Barry pulled the mask off, staring at the floor. He heard Eddie's soft intake of breath, and he slowly looked up as he lowered his hands to his sides.

"Barry," Eddie whispered, rising to his feet. "It's you?"

"It's me," Barry confirmed, raising a hand and vibrating it so it became nothing more than a red blur. "So you see, I wasn't just keeping it a secret from you. I was keeping it from everyone. To protect everyone. Caitlin and Cisco help me train and fight crime. Joe helps too. But they're the only ones who know."

"You're the Flash." Eddie was moving painstakingly slowly toward him.

"Yes," Barry said, looking down. "That's why I've been late to things or skipped out on them. I've—"

"—been saving the city," Eddie finished for him.

Barry nodded helplessly. "Yeah, something like that." He looked at Eddie's stunned face, which was still taking everything in. "Are you mad?"

"Am I mad?" Eddie repeated. "Am I dreaming, more like."

Barry laughed. "No, you're not dreaming. But seriously, are you mad? I've been keeping this from you the whole time."

"For good reason!" Eddie exclaimed. He was close now, standing in front of him. Eddie reached out and put his hands on Barry, feeling the costume's texture as he ran his hands down Barry's arms.

"So…you're not mad?" Barry asked, and it was like a huge weight fell away from him.

"No, Bar, I'm not mad," Eddie replied, his hands now exploring Barry's torso, tracing the insignia on his chest. "I thought—I don't even know what I thought. I was just worried and upset. But now…now I get it."

"You do?"

"Yeah," Eddie breathed.

He stepped closer and slid his hands around Barry's waist. Barry's breath hitched, and he found himself blushing. Eddie examining him like this felt so intimate. In some ways he felt more exposed that he had the first time they were naked with each other.

"I have such a hard on right now," Eddie breathed against his neck.

Barry's whole body twitched, and he put his hands on Eddie's shoulders. "Yeah? I didn't know you had such a thing for the Flash."

"I have a major thing for the guy who happens to be the Flash," Eddie retorted. "But I may also have a thing for spandex and leather."

Barry laughed, but Eddie shut him up by pulling his head down and kissing him roughly. Barry kissed him back, then—quick as lightning—picked up Eddie and to the couch and laid him down. Eddie gasped and stared up at Barry, eyes wide.

"Oh my god," he said huskily.

"Was that okay?" Barry asked.

Eddie kissed him in response. They ground against each other as they kissed, and Barry's gloved hands started working at the buttons on Eddie's shirt.

"Can you have sex with this on?" Eddie asked as he wrangled the shirt off of himself, then smoothed his hands down Barry's leather-clad ass.

Barry laughed. "Ah, no, sorry. I guess I could ask Cisco to make some modifications, though."

"Cisco made the suit?" Eddie took a moment to marvel at it again. "Would you ask him? I really want to suck you off as the Flash."

Barry flushed and could already feel his hard on straining against the tight fabric. "Uh, ah, I—he'd never let me live it down."

Eddie grinned and rolled his eyes. "Fine. Guess I'll have to settle for getting you out of it."

"What, you don't think it'll look better on the floor of your bedroom?" Barry teased.

"The suit? Hell no," Eddie said, sliding a hand up Barry's back to cup the back of his neck. "But you? Are always stunning."

Barry closed his eyes and reveled in the pure bliss of the moment. He leaned down to kiss Eddie again, thinking that this was most definitely not how he saw the night going. But as Eddie whispered for him to take them to the bedroom, he found that he couldn't have cared less.


	91. I hope you like it.

"Hey Bar."

Barry looked up to see Eddie standing in the doorway of his laboratory. "Well, if it isn't Eddie Thawne. I haven't seen you in ages."

"It's been far too long," Eddie agreed as he came into the room. "Like, what, twenty minutes?"

"Twenty _excruciating_ minutes," Barry corrected, spinning to face him on his stool.

Eddie glanced over his shoulder then leaned down and kissed him quickly. "I bought you a present."

"Oh yeah?"

"I hope you like it," Eddie said, pulling a long, thin box out from the inner pocket of his jacket.

Barry reached for it eagerly. He lifted the top off to see a tie inside. But not just any tie. It was a red tie with a pattern of white circles with yellow lightning bolts through them, just like the Flash's insignia.

"He's my favorite superhero, you know," Eddie told him.

"Really?" Barry asked, pulling the tie out and admiring it in the light. "Do I need to be jealous?"

"Nah. He's pretty cool, but I like CSI nerds more," Eddie said.

Barry laughed. "Thanks, babe. I love it."

Eddie grinned. "Thought you would."


	92. I want you to be happy.

"I can't believe I'm finally going to see the inside of S.T.A.R. Labs," Eddie said as Barry held the doors open for him.

"Come on, Cisco and Caitlin are waiting," Barry said, then scooped Eddie up and raced to the main terminal.

Eddie stumbled a little as Barry set him down on his feet. "That…is going to take some getting used to," he said, straightening up.

"Trust us, it gets old," Cisco said with a grin, then clapped Eddie on the back. "Nice to see you brought into the fold, man!"

"Hi Eddie," Caitlin greeted, walking over and hugging him.

"Hi guys," Eddie said, then gazed around. "So this is where the magic happens, huh?"

"Yep! This is where we monitor Barry when he goes out on patrol," Caitlin said, gesturing to the computer bank. "But the treadmill is the really exciting part."

"It's where we train Barry," Cisco added as they made their way out of the room.

Barry beat them to the room, wearing a S.T.A.R. Lab sweatpants and sweatshirt. Eddie was staring at him with blatant amazement and awe. It almost made Barry blush.

"Ready to show off?" Caitlin asked.

"Always," Barry said with a grin.

Cisco rolled his eyes and started up the monitoring equipment as Caitlin and Eddie took a seat behind the monitors. "Okay, superstar, go ahead."

Barry stepped onto the treadmill and began walking to get the treadmill rolling, then leapt into a light jog. He looked over at his friends and boyfriend, and Eddie winked at him.

"This isn't very impressive, Flash," Eddie teased. "Even I can do that."

Barry rolled his eyes, then amped up the speed. He knew from watching footage that, to the ordinary eye, his body was now just a solitary blur of motion. He heard Eddie's audible gasp, but to him it was long and slow. He turned his head and saw Eddie's face morph into one of shock. Cisco was grinning despite himself, and Caitlin was smiling at Barry.

Satisfied, Barry slowed down to a normal speed and then stopped.

"Oh my god," Eddie said, rising from his chair. "Like, I've seen the Flash run before, but it's something else knowing it's you and seeing it right there in front of me."

"Pretty cool, huh?" Barry said.

"Oh my god, so cool," Eddie replied.

Barry saw Cisco and Caitlin exchanged eye rolls.

"Come on, I'll give you the rest of the tour," Barry said, taking Eddie's hand in his.

"But the—" Cisco started.

"Cisco, show me the ray you're working on," Caitlin said quickly, steering him by the elbow away from the couple.

"Will you be okay walking at a normal pace?" Eddie asked.

"I think I can manage," Barry returned.

He took Eddie around the rest of S.T.A.R. Labs, showing him all the defunct wings and laboratories that were no longer used as well as the Pipeline and other rooms.

"This is really cool, Barry," Eddie said. "Thank you for showing me."

Barry turned to face him, taking both of Eddie's hands in his. "I just…I want you to be happy."

"I am," Eddie said, smiling up at him.

"I know, but…" Barry sighed. "You didn't sign up to be dating a superhero."

"You're right. I signed up to be dating Barry Allen. The superhero thing is just part of the package."

"And you're sure you're okay with it?" Barry asked.

Eddie tilted his head up and pressed his smiling mouth against Barry's. "One hundred percent."


	93. I believe in you.

Barry raced up the stairs to Eddie's apartment, phased through the door, went straight to the bedroom, changed into his civilian clothes, and exited the bedroom at a regular speed.

Eddie startled when the bedroom door opened, peering around the corner from the kitchen. "Bar?"

"It's me," Barry said, collapsing down onto the sofa. "You have no idea how nice it is to come straight here to change instead of going home or something."

"Does it really save you that much time?" Eddie asked.

"Yeah, about ten seconds!"

Eddie laughed, coming out from the kitchen to join him on the couch. "How was patrol?"

Barry sighed heavily, leaning his head back, and Eddie scooted in closer to him. "That bad?"

"Patrol was fine," Barry said. "Too fine."

"No yellow speedster?"

"Not a single sighting," Barry replied with a frustrated tone. "I just want to know what his endgame is. I want to know why he's here and where he came from. I want…" He took a ragged breath. "I want to know why he killed my mom."

"You know, it might not be the same guy," Eddie said gently, placing a hand on Barry's knee.

"It might not be," Barry agreed, "but I have this feeling in my gut that it is. I recognize him from that day."

Eddie's hand squeezed his knee briefly in a comforting gesture.

"Also, I'm worried about you," Barry said, turning his head to face his boyfriend.

"Me?"

"You've read comic books, you've seen movies," he elaborated. "The bad guy always uses the good guy's relationships against him. Dating me puts you in danger."

"I can take care of myself," Eddie replied.

"I know, but anything can happen," Barry said. "What if he figures out who I am and gets the drop on you? What if I'm not there to protect you? What if he does one of those 'you can only save one' things with you and Joe, or Caitlin, or Cisco, or Iris."

"Well," Eddie said slowly, "it's not like breaking up would really fix that. You're right, I've seen the movies, and that never works because it's obvious we still care about each other."

Barry huffed out a short laugh.

"We're in this together, Barry," Eddie told him. "I'm here for you, and I know you'll be here for me."

"But—"

"Hey, no more of that," Eddie said firmly. "You're going to catch this guy, okay? It's only a matter of time. I believe in you."

Barry smiled at him, then reached out and pulled Eddie against him, tucking Eddie's head underneath his chin. "Thanks, Eddie. You always manage to say the right thing."

"That's my super power," he replied.


	94. You can do it.

"How is it," Eddie murmured without turning around, "that even with super speed you're always late to things?"

Barry grimaced. He'd hoped Eddie wouldn't notice him sneaking into the crime scene and pretending like he'd been there the whole time. Thankfully Joe was the lead on this case, not Singh, who always made a big deal about him being late.

"Super speed also comes with super distractions," Barry offered as an excuse.

Eddie stood up from where he was hunched over the spray of glass and drops of blood and turned to face him. "I think that's just your ADD."

"That too."

They grinned at each other, and Barry felt the urge to kiss him right there, but he restrained himself. First, they'd never hear the end of it from the other officers, but they'd also have to stop by HR, and he'd made it a mission to go there as little as possible.

It had been about three weeks since he told Eddie his big Flash secret, and things have been better than ever. There was no more lying, no more guilt. Everything was out in the open between them now: his family's past, everything with Iris, and now his alter ego. Eddie knew everything, and he hasn't run away or given up on him. Barry's heart swelled with happiness beyond anything he thought he could ever feel.

"You want to get a closer look?" Eddie asked, nodding at the droplets of blood on the glass shards and the concrete, leading away from the break-in.

"Yeah, just let me—" Barry started fiddling with his CSI kit to get gloves out, but before he could, every single drop of blood suddenly incinerated itself, leaving little charred spots all over the pavement.

Barry and Eddie were silent for a stunned moment.

"Did they already take a sample?" Barry asked.

Eddie nodded to a spot behind Barry, and he turned to see an officer tentatively holding a now partially melted-evidence bag with a smoldering swab inside of it. Joe caught Barry's eye, and he watched his adoptive father heave a massive sigh and shake his head in disbelief.

"Well," Eddie said, stepping closer and clapping Barry on the shoulder. "I believe this is your team's area of expertise, Mr. Flash." He whispered the last words, and Barry got goosebumps down his arms.

"How am I supposed to track a criminal who can remotely light their blood on fire?" Barry asked.

"Oh, I have no idea," Eddie said, shrugging. "But you can do it. Or rather, Cisco and Caitlin can."

Barry tried elbowing him, but Eddie leapt out of the way.

"Too slow," he said with a wink.


	95. Good luck.

"So, I'm thinking spaghetti and a movie tonight?" Eddie asked, appearing in the door of Barry's lab.

Barry looked up from the evidence sample he'd been working on and gave his boyfriend a half-smile.

"…no spaghetti and movie tonight?" Eddie guessed, seeing Barry's hesitation.

"Cisco wants to test his speed trap that he's been building, and Caitlin has more tests to help increase my speed," Barry said. "But I'm sure we can do it tomorrow instead."

"No, no, this takes priority," Eddie said, walking over and putting a hand on Barry's shoulder.

"I know, but we haven't seen each other much lately," Barry said sadly. "And we're still no closer to figuring out who the Reverse-Flash is or what he wants."

"Reverse-Flash?"

"That's what Cisco came up with to call him," Barry replied. "Since he's the reverse of me. Wears yellow, has red lightning, is evil."

"Makes sense," Eddie said, nodding. "Why is his lightning red, anyway?"

"We think his speed comes from a different source than mine, but we're not entirely sure," he answered. "We're not sure of much right now, and we're especially not sure that all this training and preparation are going to be enough to stop him."

"And that's why you can't reschedule training tonight," Eddie said. "You need to stop this guy."

"It just feels like he's baiting me," Barry said, rubbing his hands over his face. "I just keep chasing him around the city, and even though I'm getting faster little by little he can still always outrun me."

"Maybe he _wants_ you to get faster," Eddie said slowly, contemplatively.

Barry looked up at him. "Why?"

"I don't know," Eddie said, "but I'm betting you, Caitlin, and Cisco can figure it out."

Barry mumbled to himself in thought, then looked at the clock and groaned. "I'm late."

"It's 6:01, you're barely late," Eddie said. "You'll be there in a few seconds flat."

"Yes, but when you're a speedster even on time is late," Barry said, then speedily cleaned up his workstation. "I really have almost no excuse anymore."

"You can use me as an excuse," Eddie replied, placing his hands on Barry's hips. "Say that I distracted you."

"It wouldn't really be a lie," Barry said with a grin, leaning down. "You're always distracting me."

"And that's why it's the best excuse." Eddie's lips brushed Barry's as he spoke, and then they finally kissed.

Barry still got a rush whenever he kissed Eddie, and he hoped it would never go away. He loved the light, almost dizzy feeling in his head and the tingling in his toes. A while later, Eddie smiled against his lips and then pulled away.

"Now you're really late," Eddie said, glancing at the clock and seeing it was 6:07 PM.

"Okay, okay, I'm going," Barry said, grabbing his jacket from off a table. "I—uh—" He stopped himself, blushing from what he'd been about to say. "I'll see you later?"

"Sure thing, pal," Eddie replied, smiling, an effervescent look of hope and adoration in his eyes. "Good luck."


	96. I brought you an umbrella.

"How did I know you still wouldn't be done packing," Barry mused aloud as he let himself into Eddie's bedroom.

Eddie didn't bother looking up from his dresser, where he was trying to decide on a pair of jeans. "Because you know I hate packing and put it off for as long as possible?"

Barry grinned and stretched out across the bed, careful to avoid the piles of toiletries and somewhat folded shirts that had taken up residence on the bed. He held something out and poked Eddie's butt with it.

"Someone's happy to see me," Eddie drawled.

"Well, yes, but I brought you an umbrella," Barry said with a laugh.

Eddie grinned and turned around to take the umbrella from Barry's hands. "An umbrella?"

"It's Oregon."

"It's July."

"It's _Oregon_," Barry repeated.

"Okay, okay, I'll take it," Eddie said, and put it in his suitcase. "You know, you're still welcome to come with."

An image of the yellow speedster flashed through his mind. "I can't."

"I know," Eddie said, pecking Barry on the lips. "Grammy Mammy will just be very disappointed."

Eddie was flying out to Oregon for his grandmother's 100th birthday. The family was hosting a reunion, and Barry would've loved to go, but there was no way he could leave the city right now with the threat of the yellow speedster hanging over them.

"Get back to packing," Barry said. "You have a flight in five hours."

"I know, but hear me out," Eddie replied. "What if I miss my flight and spend more time with my amazing boyfriend, who happens to be a speedster and can get me to Oregon in…how fast could you get me to Oregon?"

Barry shrugged. "Under a minute."

"Under a minute!" Eddie exclaimed, then kissed Barry long and slow. "Now, isn't this a better use of my time?"

Barry drew a hand along Eddie's cheek and kissed him back, sliding their lips together. He pulled Eddie closer, and Eddie moaned lightly. His other hand slid to the back of Eddie's neck, and—he pulled away and shoved Eddie's face into the pile of shirts by his elbow.

Eddie groaned and laughed at the same time, the sound muffled by the clothing. He sat up. "Okay, okay, I get it!" he said with a laugh, then went back to picking out a pair of jeans.


	97. I'll pick you up at the airport.

Barry was racing laps around the city, trying to focus on the patrol he was conducting. The Reverse-Flash had been busy all weekend, stealing items and chemicals and machine parts from places all over the city. Caitlin and Cisco couldn't figure out what he was trying to build, although it seemed to be some kind of generator.

In addition to patrol, he was also running off his restless energy from not-so-patiently waiting for Eddie's plane to land back in Central City.

Finally, _finally_, his phone buzzed. He answered it on his suit's comms.

"Well hello there," Barry said.

"Hey, Bar, did you miss me?" Eddie asked.

"A bit," Barry said. "Did you just land?"

"Nah, we landed about twenty minutes ago. I'm all disembarked and headed out of security."

"I'll pick you up at the airport," Barry said, changing direction.

Eddie laughed. "Barry, it'll be faster for me to grab a cab that's already here."

"No, I'll _pick you up_ at the airport," Barry repeated.

There was a small pause, then a breathy, "Oh."

"See you soon," Barry said, then ended the call.

He changed direction and raced down the streets, excitement and anticipation making his feet pound even harder. The training lately had been paying off. The most recent spot the Reverse-Flash had stolen from was Mercury Labs, and there Barry had actually been able to land a few punches and chase him closely before losing him.

Barry arrived at the airport, startling many people coming out of the arrivals doors. Some people clapped, and others took out their phones. He grinned and waved and waited for Eddie.

Then, he saw him. There, just beyond the circular glass doors, his hair mussed and a duffel bag strapped across his shoulders. There, just stepping onto the sidewalk with a wide smile meant just for Barry. There, just ten feet away from him, right as the Reverse-Flash appeared and wrapped his hand around Eddie's throat.

"No!" Barry screamed, fear jolting adrenaline through his veins.

Eddie's feet jerked beneath him, trying to find purchase but only coming up with air. People screamed and began trying to hide or retreat into the airport or vehicles. The yellow speedster turned to look at him, a wicked grin on his face.

"It's time for our showdown, Barry," he said. "Let's see if you can keep up."

And, with Eddie in tow, he ran. Barry cursed and followed after him.

"Cisco, Caitlin, I need you!" he said into his comms, but there was nothing but silence. "Guys?"

The Reverse-Flash raced on ahead of him, teasing and baiting him as they ran through the city. Barry's hand itched with the urge to throw lightning at the villain, but he couldn't risk hurting Eddie too.

Finally, the Reverse-Flash seemed like he had finally picked a destination, and the destination was S.T.A.R. Labs. Barry raced into the building, going straight to one of the rooms they never used where he saw a massive generator has been assembled. He also saw Eddie, Caitlin, Cisco, Joe, and Iris tied up in a corner of the room.

"What do you want?" Barry asked angrily.

"What I've always wanted," the Reverse-Flash answered. "To defeat you."

"Why me? Why are you doing this?"

The Reverse-Flash laughed. "Because you're my archnemesis. In the future, at least. But you see, I could never defeat you in the future, where I come from. So I came back. I killed your mother in the hopes that you'd be too traumatized to ever become a hero. But that didn't work. So I came back again to kill you before you got your powers, but my connection to the Speed Force had dwindled, so I was forced to allow you to become the Flash, all for this moment."

"And what is this moment, exactly?"

"It's the moment I steal your speed and return to my future, a future without the Flash," the Reverse-Flash sneered. "I idolized you as a child. I wanted to be you. But when I realized I couldn't, when I discovered my destiny was to be your enemy, I became the opposite of you, or the reverse."

"How are you going to steal my speed?" Barry asked.

"My Speed Force Tachyon Transfer Machine," he announced proudly.

"Bit of a mouthful," Barry said scornfully. "You should've let Cisco name it."

Cisco grinned around the gag in his mouth.

"Funny," the Reverse-Flash said in an unamused voice. "But I'm done monologuing. You clearly haven't come up with a plan to stop me yet, so I suggest you cooperate or I'll kill all of your friends."

To emphasize his point, he suddenly had Caitlin by the throat. "You have ten seconds to attach the red sensor to your chest before I break her neck."

Barry complied. He grabbed the red sensor, which was large and circular and fit around the insignia on his chest.

"Good. Now start running around the track," the Reverse-Flash instructed.

"The what?"

The Reverse-Flash sighed. "For the life of me, I could never understand why you lot insisted on using a treadmill rather than the track built into this room," he said, gesturing around.

For the first time, Barry noticed the tube running around the room. The Reverse-Flash was right, it would make a great space for training and monitoring his speed. Like a Speed Lab or something.

"Perhaps I should've taken a different approach to all this," the Reverse-Flash mused. "I could've infiltrated your ranks and taught you how to use and improve your speed, then betrayed you in the end. Now, wouldn't that have been entertaining?"

Barry ignored him. "If I do this, you'll let all of them go?" he asked.

"That remains to be seen," the Reverse-Flash replied. "But I will definitely kill them all if you don't. It's up to you."

Barry looked over at his friends and family-at Eddie, Cisco, Caitlin, Joe, and Iris, who still didn't know he was the Flash and had no idea why this was happening. She was probably terrified out of her mind. They all looked terrified, in fact.

He looked at Eddie, who shook his head furiously. The others all did the same, but he had to protect them. So he went up the ramp and started running. His mind raced, trying to come up with a plan, trying to think of a way he could sneak up on the Reverse-Flash or startle him or something.

But as he ran, he could feel himself begin to slow down. The generator was sparking and crackling, which meant it must be working. He watched as the Reverse-Flash attached the yellow sensor up to his chest, then a gunshot rang out in slow motion, and Barry stopped running.

The bullet flew through the air and hit the generator, ruining it.

The Reverse-Flash let out a furious growl and slammed the person with the gun against the wall—Joe. Barry saw Iris' purse overturned by where Joe had been, and he guessed they must've fished it out from there. Barry made a mental note to ask Iris why she was carrying a gun.

"You missed," the Reverse-Flash said. "That was your one chance to kill me, and you missed."

"I wasn't aiming for you," Joe mustered, the gun slipping from his bound hands. "Now you've lost."

"I never lose," the Reverse-Flash growled, then turned to see Eddie scrabbling for the gun, his fingers having just found purchase on it.

"And what do you think you're going to do?" he asked snidely, dropping Joe back to the ground to focus on Eddie. "Shoot me? When I can phase around the bullet? What, do you think saving the day will win you his heart?" He jerked his head toward Barry, who was trying to come up with a way to get the Reverse-Flash's attention away from his friends.

"The saddest part is, you've lost him and you don't even know it yet," the Reverse-Flash growled. "You know, in the future that I come from, he marries Iris, not you. And you? You're a nobody. You die having done nothing extraordinary in your life. You want to know how I know this? Because my name is Eobard Thawne, and you're one of my good-for-nothing ancestors."

Barry's heart stopped, and he looked at Iris, who looked back at him in bewilderment because her brain was still putting the pieces together. The Reverse-Flash was still growling furiously in Eddie's face. Barry's mind began racing to come up with a plan to safely separate the two of them when the Reverse-Flash spun away from Eddie to face Barry.

"Now, luckily I always have backup plans," the Reverse-Flash said, turning his head toward Barry. "You have one minute to go break into—"

Another gunshot rang out. Barry half-expected the Reverse-Flash to stumble or fall, to see a bullet break through or a red smear grow on the costume. But it appeared the Reverse-Flash hadn't been shot at all.

They both looked behind him to see Eddie crouched on the ground, gun pressed against his stomach, where blood was seeping out onto the concrete floor.

Everything began moving in slow motion, though Barry wasn't moving at all. Joe, Iris, and Caitlin screamed while Cisco looked completely shell-shocked. Eddie's fingers lost their grip on the gun, and it laid in the pool of his blood as he slumped to the side. Cold fear spread slowly through Barry's body, his eyes locked on the gunshot wound.

"I…" Eddie panted, "…am not…a nobody…"

The Reverse-Flash screamed in frustration, his whole body vibrating, and his eyes glowed red as he took a step toward Eddie.

"And now…you'll never…be born…" Eddie said triumphantly, a pained grin on his sweat-beaded face.

Stricken, the Reverse-Flash turned and ran. Barry followed him, dogging the Reverse-Flash's every step until he saw that the Reverse-Flash was running for a swirling red vortex. At first, Barry was going to chase after him, to hunt him down and make him suffer for everything he'd done to them. But then Barry remembered Eddie, lying on the ground, waiting for Barry to save him.

Barry slowed down enough to watch the Reverse-Flash run through the time vortex, then he turned around and went back to S.T.A.R. Labs. He rushed to his friends, quickly freed them all from their bindings, and then cradled Eddie's head in his lap.

"I wanted…to be…your hero…for…once," Eddie groaned. Caitlin's pressed her hands firmly over the wound in Eddie's abdomen.

"You are," Barry sobbed. "You are, Eddie."

"Barry, we can still save him," Caitlin said. "But you have to get him to a hospital."

"Barry!" Joe said, shaking his shoulders and breaking him out of his grief. "Hospital, now! Run, Barry, run!"

A sense of purpose filled his veins and pushed the sorrow away. He scooped Eddie up into his arms, then sped off toward Central City General Hospital.


	98. Take a deep breath.

Barry walked slowly, his feet crunching over the grass as he walked through the familiar graveyard. He'd been here more times than he could count. Sometimes it was difficult not to get mad at the graveyard itself, for taking his loved ones and gathering them where he could not be with them anymore. But he knew it wasn't the graveyard's fault. The graveyard wasn't the cause; it was just an unfortunate side effect.

His feet abandoned the familiar path in favor of a different one. He wasn't looking for his mother's headstone today, although he would probably make his way over there once he was done with his first errand.

The ache in his chest got heavier with every step he took until, finally, he made it to the gravestone he needed. The dams inside of him holding his grief in broke when he read the name "Edward Thawne." Inscribed on its surface were the words "Son. Partner. Hero."

Barry crashed to his knees, hands pressing against his eyes. There were so many things they'd never done, so many things he'd never said. Regrets bubbled up inside him and streamed down his face and dripped off his chin. He let out a sob and hit the ground with his fist.

But then the ground gave a lurch, and he was no longer in a graveyard.

The hospital room was as quiet as hospital rooms ever got. There was the constant beeping and mechanized sounds of machines and the bustle of people outside the room, but other than that, it was almost peaceful. So Barry wasn't quite sure what had woken him. Maybe his subconscious did it to save him from that terrible nightmare.

To shake off the dredges of the dream, Barry turned his head and looked at Eddie's peaceful face. He watched the IV drip into Eddie's arm, watched the rise and fall of his bandaged ribcage, and wanted to cry with relief.

The peace in the room was disturbed by a sharp inhale, and then Eddie was fluttering his eyes open.

"Take a deep breath, we're okay, you're safe, you're in the hospital," Barry said reassuringly, taking Eddie's hand. "Maybe don't take a deep breath. Your stomach is still healing."

Eddie grinned at him, then frowned. "If…" But he coughed and winced with pain. Barry snatched the water off the side table and helped Eddie sip from it. "Thanks," Eddie croaked. "If I'm…then how…"

"We think the Reverse-Flash—Eobard—he siphoned enough speed off of me to create a time vortex to avoid possibly being erased from time. Since you're alive, that won't happen, but we're hoping he'll be too scared to figure that out for a long, long time."

"I saved the day," Eddie said with a grin. "I'm a hero.

"A self-sacrificing idiot is what you are," Barry said with a frown. "But yes, you saved the day. But Eddie…what were you thinking?"

"Just that we had…had to stop him," Eddie replied. "Your speed…you can't lose it."

"I can't lose you, either," Barry told him, squeezing Eddie's hand between both of his.

Eddie smiled. "You won't."

A knock sounded at the door, and a nurse came in. Barry stepped back and let the nurse do all of his checkups and procedures, explaining to Eddie exactly what they did and what had happened to him.

They'd spun a story that Eddie and Joe were responding to a break in at S.T.A.R. Labs and bit off more than they could chew with the yellow speedster, and that Iris wound up there because she'd been chasing another Flash story. Everyone else was unhurt except for some bruising and chafing where they'd been tied up and gagged.

Hoping to avoid having to explain time travel and ancestors, and also trying to avoid a psych eval for Eddie, Cisco and Caitlin scrubbed the DNA from Iris' gun. They all claimed that the yellow speedster had taken it from Iris' bag and shot Eddie when he'd tried to fight back. Barry, of course, had been nowhere near the crime scene and only found out when Joe called him from the hospital to tell him about Eddie.

"Are you up for some more visitors?" the nurse asked when he was done with the check-up.

Eddie nodded, and a small parade of people came through the no-longer-peaceful hospital room. First was Captain Singh and a group from the precinct, bearing flowers and junk food. Second was Joe, scolding Eddie about how he shouldn't expect any special treatment for "this stunt of yours." Then Caitlin and Cisco, thanking him for his valor. And then, Iris.

She appeared in the doorway, looking uncertain and awkward as she peered in at them.

"Iris!" Barry exclaimed.

"Is it okay if I come in?" she asked.

"H-Hey, um, I, uh, how about—" Barry stammered.

"My dad told me everything," she said. "I'm only kind of mad at you for keeping it from me. You owe me, like, a million exclusive interviews after this."

Barry blushed and nodded.

"Come on in," Eddie said tiredly.

"I'm glad you're both okay," she said, walking slowly into the room. "That was a very brave and very stupid thing you did," she said to Eddie.

"So I've been told," Eddie replied.

Iris reached the bedside and then, after a moment's hesitation, gently kissed his temple. She sat in the chair on the other side of him from Barry, and then there was a long, awkward silence.

"I'm sorry," Iris suddenly burst out. She looked nervously at Eddie. "I never said sorry, for what I did to you. I was too ashamed, and I thought you'd want space, but then space turned into distance turned into separation and I just didn't know how to talk to you anymore."

Eddie's jaw tightened as he turned his head to look more directly at her.

"I was confused and acted impulsively," she continued. "I don't think it was the wrong decision, but I shouldn't have done it the way I did. I should've treated you with the respect and human decency that you deserved. That…that's all I could think about when—when—when you were dying. That I never apologized and I would never be able to. So that's what I wanted to say."

"Thank you," Eddie said, and he mustered a smile.

Barry squeezed his hand tightly, and Eddie's fingers twitched in response since he wasn't strong enough to squeeze at that moment. Then, Eddie's eyes drifted closed, and his breathing became deep and even.

Iris and Barry looked at each other and smiled a little awkwardly.

"So," Iris said, "and this isn't me coming on to you, but have you talked about what the Reverse-Flash said?"

"About you and me getting married in the future?" Barry asked. "No, not yet. I'm sure we will. But, and I don't mean any offense, I don't think that's going to happen."

Iris smiled faintly. "I don't think so either."

"At least not in this timeline," Barry said. "He traveled back in time, and that might have been the reality in his future, but I think he might've set us on a different path by coming back and making the choices he made. But you and I will always be connected."

"I'm happy for you two," she said. "I really am. You're the best people I know."

"Thank you, Iris. That means a lot," Barry said.

She looked over at Eddie's sleeping form and stood. "I'll give you some privacy."

"Iris," he said as she turned, and she looked over her shoulder. "Don't think we're not going to talk about your gun," he said with raised eyebrows.

She made a face. "Dad already gave me a lecture."

"Well good," he said. "I'm not going to lecture. I'm going to ask a lot of questions."

Iris rolled her eyes good-naturedly and left the room.

Barry looked at Eddie's face, sleeping soundly, and remembered the look on Eddie's face when he was lying in Barry's arms, blood oozing out of his stomach. He thought about what Eddie said when he told him about being the Flash, that breaking up wouldn't solve the danger factor because they still cared about each other.

Since breaking up clearly wasn't the solution, Barry thought about giving up being the Flash, but he decided that wouldn't work either. He'd been given these powers, either through happenstance and chemical reaction or divine intervention or fate or some combination of all. And Eddie had almost killed himself in order to help Barry keep his powers.

Until he was no longer capable, Barry knew he'd use his powers to help others. But more importantly, he'd use his powers to protect his family and friends and everybody he loved. Including and especially Eddie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update! I was out of town last night and this morning, and I really didn't mean to let y'all stew in our collective trauma for this long. Please don't hate me too much!
> 
> ~Ki


	99. Be careful.

"No, no, be careful, be—let me—" Barry set down the tray of breakfast food and helped Eddie, who'd been trying to push himself into a sitting position. In no time, Barry had Eddie upright with pillows supporting him in just the right ways and with a breakfast tray across his lap.

"I can sit up by myself," Eddie said with a laugh.

"Can and should are two different words," Barry replied. "If you tear your stitches again I swear I'm going to lock you in the Pipeline until you're completely healed."

"Kinky," Eddie said as he tore off part of a biscuit and popped it in his mouth.

Barry rolled his eyes and hen made sure that everything Eddie needed was perfectly in reach, and then he grabbed his own plate of breakfast food from the kitchen. Since the Reverse-Flash's attack, everything had been going well. In fact, it had been just about perfect. Eddie was healing quickly, Barry was regaining the speed that the Reverse-Flash had taken, and there'd been no signs of red lightning anywhere around the city. Life was good.

An alert sounded on Barry's phone, lighting it up with an exclamation point and a map of the city. It was Cisco's newest innovation, along with SOS signals on each of their phones.

"Metahuman?" Eddie asked.

"The work never ends," Barry replied, zooming out of the room and into his Flash outfit then coming back in. "I don't know how long this'll be, but please text or call Joe or someone if you need something while I'm gone."

"I'll be fine," Eddie told him. "There's a marathon of _ANTM_ today, so I'm good."

Barry laughed and shook his head.

"But hey, be careful, cause I want you to come home in one piece," Eddie said.

"Home?" Barry repeated and quirked an eyebrow. "Are you asking me to move in?"

"I mean, you practically live here anyway, what with the 24/7 nursemaid act you've been putting on," Eddie replied, shrugging nonchalantly. "Might as well make it official, right?"

Barry kissed him quickly. "Yes, and we should talk more about this, but I really have to go."

"My boyfriend the hero," Eddie sighed dreamily.

Barry grinned, then raced off to save the day.


	100. I love you.

"Well I think you deserve an award," Cisco said when Barry ran back into S.T.A.R. Labs ten minutes later. "I think that's the fastest you've ever stopped a meta. What's with all the extra energy?"

"I'm excited," Barry said, hopping from foot to foot.

"Care to share?" Caitlin asked.

"Eddie asked me to move in," he replied, "and I'm going to tell him I love him."

Caitlin squealed and clasped her hands together as Cisco exclaimed, "Well it's about time!"

"I know, I know," Barry said with a laugh.

"I'm simply curious, and this isn't meant to be judgy," Caitlin prefaced, "but what's taken so long?"

Barry rubbed the back of his head. "Well, there was a lot of baggage to overcome. That's why it took so long for us to get together in the first place, too. Even with each step forward we took, there was something else we had to deal with. And then, I just got comfortable with where we were. But what I realized with the Reverse-Flash incident was, you have to tell the people you care about how you feel." He looked at them. "I love you guys."

"We love you too," Caitlin said, walking over and hugging him tightly.

Cisco hugged him too, then clapped him on the shoulder. "But we already knew you loved us. Now go tell your man."

Barry grinned and ran off without another word. He phased through the front door off Eddie's—their—apartment and called out to him. He heard the ringing of a tiny bell and ran into the bedroom, thinking something might be wrong. But when he walked into the bedroom he found Eddie in perfect condition, smiling at him like Barry had hung the sun in the sky just for him.

"Hey, why the bell?" Barry asked.

"I need something," Eddie replied.

"What is it?"

"I need to tell you that I love you."

Barry's heart dropped into his stomach, and he opened his mouth to respond, but Eddie kept talking.

"I love you so much, Barry Allen," Eddie said, smiling widely. "You are the most amazing man I've ever met, and you've changed my life in so many ways. I'm so in love with you it hurts, but that might just be the gunshot wound."

Barry's face turned to one of concern, and he'd just started to raise his hand to fetch the pain meds and water off the bedside table when Eddie shook his head and laughed.

"I'm kidding, I'm fine," he said, and Barry rolled his eyes. "I love you," Eddie repeated. "I especially love you in that uniform."

Barry blushed, remembering that he hadn't changed yet, and did so quickly.

"Aw," Eddie said with a slight frown as a plain-clothed Barry crawled into bed beside him.

Barry's fingers lightly touched Eddie's face, and they gazed at each other for several moments.

"I love you too," Barry whispered. "I never thought I could ever have this kind of love."

Eddie reached up and took Barry's hand from his face and intertwined their fingers.

"I can't believe you beat me to it," Barry said.

"Yeah, well, you do have a reputation for being late."

Barry chuckled, squeezing Eddie's hand. "I love you."

Eddie squeezed back. "I love you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone for going on this long journey with me! Feel free to check out my other stories or find me on tumblr: [kiconwrites](http://kiconwrites.tumblr.com).
> 
> Happy reading!
> 
> ~Ki


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